illusionoflove Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Hi All, New to the forum but I've read here often. My ex and I split amicably two weeks ago. Right after Christmas and apparently lots of guilt induced presents from him. We had really been trying after 5 years but we just weren't connected anymore. He became distant, I pressed the issue and he broke it off with me. He wanted us to remain friends (I know!). I have caught him in a few lies recently about where he had been, etc. Today he calls and just drops it on me that some woman is visiting at his house. He didn't explain it, it was just part of what he was talking about. He had to know that would hurt me and I am puzzled why he would inform me of a woman in that way,,,so soon after our breakup. It makes me question if he was seeing her before since his behavior has been questionable. Is he putting the nail in the coffin of our relationship? Couldn't he have just told me he was seeing someone. I'm hardly the angry, can't talk to type. I'm very frustrated and hurt by this tactic. I also wondered if he wanted me to get angry so he could turn things around on me, since we are "officially" broken up. I guess that means I shouldn't be petty...but darn...it still hurts like hell.
D78 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I think that's why we're not supposed to talk to our exs I'm sorry your ex did that. It's hard to speculate about why, not knowing what kind of person he is. My first thoughts were: (1) he was picturing you enjoying your new single life, and wanted to make you jealous; (2) he wanted you to ask him about it, so he could admit he was seeing her while the two of you were together; or (3) careless mistake (not likely). Good luck.
Author illusionoflove Posted January 15, 2011 Author Posted January 15, 2011 I'm sure it wasn't careless and he knows I'm at home trying to heal. He said as much when he broke it off that he knew I cared more than he did. I think he was trying to tell me he was moving on and to keep my distance, but wouldn't that be much easier to just say??
0hpenelope Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I'm sure it wasn't careless and he knows I'm at home trying to heal. He said as much when he broke it off that he knew I cared more than he did. I think he was trying to tell me he was moving on and to keep my distance, but wouldn't that be much easier to just say?? Even if it's easier to say, most people wouldn't admit as much because they don't want to hurt their exes even more. Aren't you ready to stop feeling hurt? Start talking to him less. NC, NC, NC. What helps me is when I tell myself "I don't want to know. Nothing he can say to me will help me feel better about things because he's the reason why I'm hurting." Myself, I'm coping by looking for guys to casually talk to. I think I've devoted enough of my time and energy dwelling on him, so now I have to figure out how to distract myself. I can't do my work all the time and I'm figuring out how to keep myself occupied in the time that I'm not working. Talking to guys to cope? I'm ready for it, I feel like I'm ready, so yes.
Author illusionoflove Posted January 15, 2011 Author Posted January 15, 2011 I'm not ready to talk to other guys yet,but I am ready for NC. I think that must be what he wants or he wouldn't have pushed this button. I was coping okay until today, but now it really hurts. I guess I believed what he said and didn't pay attention to his actions. In retrospect, the clues were there. I just feel foolish now.
D78 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 In retrospect, the clues were there. I just feel foolish now. Don't beat yourself up. It's not your fault that someone you trusted lied to you. Just learn from it and move on.
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