folieadeux Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Romance, I'm so sorry to hear this. I agree with the other posters here who suggest leaving. I know it's not easy and you don't want it to be as clear cut as that, but it really is the best thing to do for YOU. The priority here should be yourself, not someone else who doesn't even have the common courtesy to tell you the truth and possibly put your health at risk. With that being said, I don't think I even have to give my opinion on moving. The issue here isn't his sexuality, it's the fact that he lied and cheated on you. Even though you found no proof in his CL activity of him meeting up with other people this time around, I wouldn't trust the fact that this is the first time he's done this given what he's told you and think it's wise you're going to get tested just to be sure. Link to post Share on other sites
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Thank you for this post. I feel like this..describes him. He says hes never met a man he's attracted to but the thought of male sex has crossed his mind. he denies being gay or even bi! i think I'll eventually hit a wall with him, yep. OP, he is minimally bi. he just is. no straight man trolls for sex with men on CL, or anywhere else for that matter. please recall the very wise, but very simple adage: "if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck..." this IS your situation. take me for instance. I can tell you all day long that I'm gay, but guess what you'll find between my sheets come bedtime, everytime I'm with someone? a WOMAN! you know what you would NEVER EVER EVER EVER find between em? you guessed it, another man's cock... I can tell you ANYTHING, which leads to another very wise, very simple & very relevant adage created to counsel people on your position: "ACTIONS speak louder than words." look, I'm sorry, but if the ACT of posting up ads for gay sex and responding with pictures ain't enough to convince you he's gay, I submit that YOU need the therapy, not him... he is GAY! period. he is sexually attracted to men. period. straight men want women 100% of the time -- there is no sliding scale, I'm afraid. this is the truth my dear. leave him. if you can't, you need to sign up for therapy, stat. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Romance Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 Yes, I think he must minimally be bi. I am hoping therapy can help him uncover this and understand these feelings. I am just shocked because in the bedroom..no signs EVER pointed to this. not one. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 I think you are focusing on the wrong thing, Romance. Even if therapy helps him understand his sexuality, the fact is that he cheated on you (yes, I consider intentions cheating, and I think you would agree). How is therapy going to help with that? Will you really uproot your life and move for someone who has demonstrated no trustworthiness? And if you do not, what is the point of the R anymore? Things may be different if you were together IRL or he was moving to you. But since the onus is on you to move for the R to survive, and he has betrayed your trust so badly, I really don't think it will work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Romance Posted January 18, 2011 Author Share Posted January 18, 2011 I think you are focusing on the wrong thing, Romance. Even if therapy helps him understand his sexuality, the fact is that he cheated on you (yes, I consider intentions cheating, and I think you would agree). How is therapy going to help with that? Will you really uproot your life and move for someone who has demonstrated no trustworthiness? And if you do not, what is the point of the R anymore? Things may be different if you were together IRL or he was moving to you. But since the onus is on you to move for the R to survive, and he has betrayed your trust so badly, I really don't think it will work out. I hear you, you're bringing up a very good point. Hes coming to see me this weekend to talk things over face to face. I AM NOT moving for him any longer, I can't trust him and won't waste my college years going to a tiny college for him. I havent broken up with him --yet. I think it'll take me a few months to fall out of love with him..but I am thinking I will. just with my best friend passing away, I am in no position for a breakup now. That sounds pathetic, but it is true and I am just being honest here. I need time. I dont feel the same way about him anymore, I can tell already. I cant imagine how i will feel when I see his face again. I did some detective work (emailing those emails he was emailing from an anonymous email..begin asking them casual Qs about craigslist..asked them about their past encounters..asked if they'd ever hooked up with --bfs username-- they said they talked to him but he didnt seem for real. (still getting std test. ugh) but yes thanks for bringing that up, I just am not..ready. I need to watch my love for him disintegrate. It hasn't died overnight. I wish. Link to post Share on other sites
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