Fern Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I hate days like this. The days when I can't stop thinking about him and HER. Today it's mostly HER. What has she got that I don't? What does she offer that he couldn't get from me? Wondering if they're still happy, wondering if he's starting to realise what he threw away, hoping they split up. It's so pointless. I don't even want him back - I just want their relationship to end. I just NEED their relationship to fall apart to prove to me that this is something to do with him - and not a reflection on ME. Why is my self esteem so rocked by this? I KNOW what I am. I'm pretty, intelligent, accomplished - I have LOADS of friends and family who love, cherish and support me. I have a handsome, successful man making his interest in me blatantly clear - and yet I'm stuck in the mindset that there is something about me that made it impossible for my ex to return my feelings properly and that SHE is going to get all the payoff from the effort that I put in. Logically I know it's highly unlikely he'll be any better a partner to her but days like today, logic doesn't get a look in. ARGH! Tomorrow will be better. At least the days like this are getting further apart. I blame that book I read yesterday for this. I felt far better last night after I finished it and then I CRASHED today. Hopefully this is just my subconscious making more steps towards being fully healed. I really HAVE been feeling far better recently. Even this small setback isn't much - a few months ago I've have been sobbing all day. Today I went to my volunteer job in the morning and cleaned my house and got ready for a dinner party tonight. I'm nearly there. It won't be much longer before I don't care. I've come so far in the past 5 months. This is his loss. Sorry for ranting. I just needed to get that out there.
Vickstar Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 im in the exact same boat as you, i treated him so well and then bam! he leaves and then dates some trampy cow! luckily shes going travelling in a few months to south america so hopefully it could be the end. and im exactly like you, im not sure if i would want him back either if he came back, he hurt me so much. its just the fact that hes with her, its very annoying! hopefully time will heal us both and we will no longer care, all the best x
abust1 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I feel your pain there Fern.. I know my ex and I shouldn't be together, but it kills me to think about her with the guy she rebounded with. On the surface he is better than me in many ways, and no matter what Eckhart Tolle and those gurus out there tell you, the ego is very real and has a very powerful control over us. We just have to build ourselves back up.
vtbrokenhearted Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Maybe it's the day. I'm feeling the exact same way. Ugh!
worlybear Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Maybe it's the day. I'm feeling the exact same way. Ugh! Must be something to do with the January Blues cos I feel the same way too! Like you, I don't want him back- I just want their relationship to end as they don't deserve happiness! It makes me steaming mad that he's walked away from our youngest daughter and yet is raising hers! I've pulled myself up by the bootstraps but I'm tired of pretending that life is o.k when its not. Really down tonight -future looks bleak.
KYoung2200 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I'm feeling the same way today. It's tough not to just call her. But all that I've worked for so far would just go down the drain, and I have more dignity and pride than that. Calling her would do nothing
Jake99 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I hate days like this. The days when I can't stop thinking about him and HER. Today it's mostly HER. What has she got that I don't? What does she offer that he couldn't get from me? Wondering if they're still happy, wondering if he's starting to realise what he threw away, hoping they split up. It's so pointless. I don't even want him back - I just want their relationship to end. I just NEED their relationship to fall apart to prove to me that this is something to do with him - and not a reflection on ME. Why is my self esteem so rocked by this? I KNOW what I am. I'm pretty, intelligent, accomplished - I have LOADS of friends and family who love, cherish and support me. I have a handsome, successful man making his interest in me blatantly clear - and yet I'm stuck in the mindset that there is something about me that made it impossible for my ex to return my feelings properly and that SHE is going to get all the payoff from the effort that I put in. Logically I know it's highly unlikely he'll be any better a partner to her but days like today, logic doesn't get a look in. ARGH! Tomorrow will be better. At least the days like this are getting further apart. I blame that book I read yesterday for this. I felt far better last night after I finished it and then I CRASHED today. Hopefully this is just my subconscious making more steps towards being fully healed. I really HAVE been feeling far better recently. Even this small setback isn't much - a few months ago I've have been sobbing all day. Today I went to my volunteer job in the morning and cleaned my house and got ready for a dinner party tonight. I'm nearly there. It won't be much longer before I don't care. I've come so far in the past 5 months. This is his loss. Sorry for ranting. I just needed to get that out there. Hi Fern, First of all, never apologize for how you feel. They are your feelings, emotions and no one has the rights to them except you. I think everyone here that has been dumped understands and feels the hurt in a similar fashion and all the stories here on LS shows we are not alone and can benefit from each other as long as we focus on the issues of the break up not pulling the “Jerry McGuire Syndrome” where everyone sits around and complains about the negative of the person. Misery loves company and we need to try and remain positive. I too was dumped by the woman of my dreams and it stung deep. Deeper than I have ever hurt in my life but I refuse to allow her to take my life away from me. I have received many people’s advice here and it has been extremely helpful but at the end of the day I can only help myself move forward. Fern, go out and enjoy the things that make that inner feeling happy, laugh and be you! Your ex never took your life either. Get to a gym and work out because that is the best medicine for stress. I have been amazed what it has done for me and thrilled with the results both physically and mentally. Also the key thing to remember is we live in the present and as much as there was things you had with your ex it’s the misery and damage that is left for you to deal with. It’s harsh but true and you are strong enough to get through it. Believe in yourself and walk forward with a new handsome man that has an interest in you. That in itself should say who you are!
dng Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I want to point out here that whomever your ex is with now has nothing to do with you. Love, lust, feelings, have nothing to do with whether the other person is better or worse than you in this or that. They are a new person to explore, that's all. You'll get a new person to explore too, sooner or later.
stopthemadness Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 (edited) I hate days like this. The days when I can't stop thinking about him and HER. Today it's mostly HER. What has she got that I don't? What does she offer that he couldn't get from me? Wondering if they're still happy, wondering if he's starting to realise what he threw away, hoping they split up. It's so pointless. I don't even want him back - I just want their relationship to end. I just NEED their relationship to fall apart to prove to me that this is something to do with him - and not a reflection on ME. Why is my self esteem so rocked by this? I KNOW what I am. I'm pretty, intelligent, accomplished - I have LOADS of friends and family who love, cherish and support me. I have a handsome, successful man making his interest in me blatantly clear - and yet I'm stuck in the mindset that there is something about me that made it impossible for my ex to return my feelings properly and that SHE is going to get all the payoff from the effort that I put in. Logically I know it's highly unlikely he'll be any better a partner to her but days like today, logic doesn't get a look in. ARGH! Tomorrow will be better. At least the days like this are getting further apart. I blame that book I read yesterday for this. I felt far better last night after I finished it and then I CRASHED today. Hopefully this is just my subconscious making more steps towards being fully healed. I really HAVE been feeling far better recently. Even this small setback isn't much - a few months ago I've have been sobbing all day. Today I went to my volunteer job in the morning and cleaned my house and got ready for a dinner party tonight. I'm nearly there. It won't be much longer before I don't care. I've come so far in the past 5 months. This is his loss. Sorry for ranting. I just needed to get that out there. Hey you guys me too!!!I miss my ex a whole bunch 2day too!! But I havent made any contact at all. Last week he left me a message that his daughter was having a baby and it was due on my birthday. I didnt call back then, but I did 4 days later. Only be to rejected and almost hung up on. Lesson learned there. My ex is dating alot! and thats hard. But what ever!! So ya 2day is just a bad day. 2morrow will be better. We all just havr to hang in there.......... Edited January 16, 2011 by stopthemadness
BlindRage Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I wish my ex would come back to me and tell me she wants to fix us. That won't happen though.
ames Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I'm so sorry Fern-and everyone for that matter. It's so easy for friends and family to say "it wasn't you hun, he/she was an idiot" that doesn't help though, does it? Why did they leave us? What did the other have that we didn't?? I will never understand.. ARRRG HATE DAYS LIKE THIS TOO..hugs to EVERYONE XXX
KYoung2200 Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I'm so sorry Fern-and everyone for that matter. It's so easy for friends and family to say "it wasn't you hun, he/she was an idiot" that doesn't help though, does it? Why did they leave us? What did the other have that we didn't?? I will never understand.. ARRRG HATE DAYS LIKE THIS TOO..hugs to EVERYONE XXX Yeah. I know people are trying to help, but I hate the following: 1. It wasn't you, they are an idiot. 2. If it's meant to be, it will be again. 3. You deserve so much better. 4. They aren't worth your time. I'm sure there are others, but those don't really help. I appreciate their attempt, but eh.
ames Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 :lmao:lol kyoung, exactly..arrrg i hate it!! So frustrating...
ames Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 What about the "s/he has no idea what they have lost. You are such an awesome person and s/he will live to regret it" "you too good for him" If im so "awesome" than why the hell did he go so stupid..it actually makes me feel worse! If im "too good for him" than why arent i WITH HIM?!
Duckduckgoose Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 If im "too good for him" than why arent i WITH HIM?! Its like a drunk bum trying to get a brand new Benz. Yeah, he might get one, but you can bet your bottom dollar he's gonna **** it up and lose it fast, or won't be able to afford the insurance and maintenance. Drunk bum gets what he deserves: ratty tatty shoes or a busted up bicycle with plastic bags on it.
KYoung2200 Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 What about the "s/he has no idea what they have lost. You are such an awesome person and s/he will live to regret it" "you too good for him" If im so "awesome" than why the hell did he go so stupid..it actually makes me feel worse! If im "too good for him" than why arent i WITH HIM?! Hahaha. Yep! And it's not that I don't believe that I deserve better than her (obviously I do if this is how she's treating me), but it's not something I need told to me time and time again.
Author Fern Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 Its like a drunk bum trying to get a brand new Benz. Yeah, he might get one, but you can bet your bottom dollar he's gonna **** it up and lose it fast, or won't be able to afford the insurance and maintenance. Drunk bum gets what he deserves: ratty tatty shoes or a busted up bicycle with plastic bags on it. Or as a friend of mine puts it: 'He's sinking to his natural level in life.'
JM_in_CA Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Ugh! It is such a terrible, lonely, needy feeling isn't it? I've been plagued by it off and on for months now- was starting to develop a level of acceptance and strength and then this week I had two dreams about him. The first one, he was showing some interest in getting back together with me and in the second one, it was all about him with her and me kicked to the curb. Topping it all off, they just got back last night from a week long vacation somewhere together. My guess would be scuba diving in Mexico. Unfortunately, I don't think they got attacked by sharks. If I were to be totally honest with myself, even if in the 'best' case scenerio where he realized that he really wanted to be with me... I know it wouldn't work for the long run because I can't trust him and some other significant differences between us. So, I think sometimes that I must be off my nut for still wanting him back in my life so obsessively. I've realized though that what I can't stand isn't really not having him back; what I can't stand is the way his rejection of me MAKES ME FEEL ABOUT MYSELF! My wanting him back is not so much (although it often feels like it is) out of genuine love for him as much as it is my wanting him... the guy who made me feel hurt and rejected, to make all of those feelings go away because they really, really suck. However, even though I'm aware of the psychological reasons why I am feeling the way I do... missing him next to me at night, etc. I can't come up with the magic formula to make those feelings finally go away. Hang in there kids! Lets take some more stock in the concept that 'in time' we'll be able to shake this for good. J
GoingInsane Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 JM_in_CA, you've just put into words exactly how I'm feeling. I know (not even deep down, its blatent) that we weren't right for each other, I know we'll never get back together and nor do I want to, but I just can't stop thinking about her. Its driving me insane. Sometimes its obsessing about what went wrong in the relationship. Othertimes its obsessing about whether she feels guilty or still thinks about me. Othertimes its about her and the (not so) new lover. The past few days its just been a nagging feeling I've been carrying round about her. Nothing specific, but she's there, in my head. When I do stop thinking about her, I suddenly remember and then start obsessing again. I'm trying so hard to move on, but the thought of her is constantly hanging over my head. The thing I really want and need is to be told that I did mean something and still do. I'm not the bad person (she cheated yet I'm feeling guilty for all the times I was a bit thoughtless or insensitive), but I feel like I am. I'm looking for validation from someone who didn't respect me enough not to cheat. I just wish the thoughts would go away!!
brneyedgrl Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 JM_in_CA, Ugh! My feelings exactly. When I take a moment to really put aside my emotions and look at what we "could've been" it doesn't look so pretty anymore. I think him letting me go might be the best thing to happen in my life because I probably would've stayed even knowing there were things such as trust and other internal issues he has that I probably would've been miserable with. Fern, It's the thought of him no longer wanting to be with me and the rejection that pains me the most. Also, the memories, time, and effort you put into it seems like they meant nothing to him. You can be the most amazing woman in the world and he'll still be that guy who's never happy with what he's got. It's him, not you. But when the pain subsides, and the skies clear, hopefully you'll see that **** happens for a reason, good and bad, and this will be the greatest test of your strength. You Will Survive, and most likely thrive now that he's our of your way :-) And trust me, if he can do this to you, he will definitely do this to her, this is the last time he can hurt you but now it's her turn.
blover Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 today must be a real ****ty day..I am missing my ex as well a lot. She is off with some of her new friends having fun and dancing and all that **** and I am stuck alone at home. I am thinking she might even be getting it on with some of her new guy friends..aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..why...why...after all that i did for her in the past 2 years...after everything all that love....how can you be so heartless...so emotionless....
blover Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 you know, i tolerated all her **** and expected nothing but love..thats all...love ...such a beautiful thing..
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