Zella Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Day 48 of NC. I started ruining my life. Need a different way of moving on. Covered the pain with things that I'm getting addicted to. I am trying all I can to stop smoking and gambling. Now I'm starting to drink. Anything that will make me forget. What am I doing to myself? The other day I lost all my money. My way of moving on is hurting me more. I don't want to go out with friends because it makes me feel worse. I lost myself. I'm scaring myself. I feel like I'm losing control. I just watched 500 days of Summer, and it made me feel better. Anyone has any other good suggestions?
0hpenelope Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Day 48 of NC. I started ruining my life. Need a different way of moving on. Covered the pain with things that I'm getting addicted to. I am trying all I can to stop smoking and gambling. Now I'm starting to drink. Anything that will make me forget. What am I doing to myself? The other day I lost all my money. My way of moving on is hurting me more. I don't want to go out with friends because it makes me feel worse. I lost myself. I'm scaring myself. I feel like I'm losing control. I just watched 500 days of Summer, and it made me feel better. Anyone has any other good suggestions? Swingers starring Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau.
500daysofsummer Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 i was just about to say 500 days of summer. try watching a funny movie. watch meet the parents again. time to heal up son
500daysofsummer Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 forgetting sarah marshall hahaha you know what. i just might watch that. i just read the story and it sounds like something i'd want to watch. even better because im from hawaii. im slowly moving into that acceptance stage and this movie might be fitting for me. and maybe the original poster as well
Hannah86 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 First of all, good for you for going 48 days. Vices are tough but important for coping. Obviously you've learned that gambling is a poor vice for you, and movies are safe. I LOVED The Break Up (Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughan (sp?)) and He's Just Not That Into You. Also try some comedies to snap you out of your funk. Wedding Crashers is a classic. Try to get into a comedy series, like rent a season of Always Sunny in Philadelphia, 30 Rock, Curb Your Enthusiasm, etc.
Author Zella Posted January 15, 2011 Author Posted January 15, 2011 Comedies are a good idea. I haven't seen any of those comedy series you suggested, so I will definitely do that. Thanks
cerridwen Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Swingers starring Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau. ^^^^^^Cosign!!
0hpenelope Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 ^^^^^^Cosign!! The movie has it all! Weepy dumpee, awesome friends, the most likely thing to happen when people break NC, when people try to contact exes after being told by the ex that he (she) wants to be left alone... I felt so bad for Mike. The scenes when he called the ex and no one picked up made me cringe so much. I almost warned for a spoiler, but well... we see it on LS all the time, so it's not so much of a spoiler. Mike's dialogue with Rob at the beginning of the movie definitely takes the cake. My favorite scene in the entire movie, hands down.
D78 Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I've been watching a lot of movies lately... Humble Pie - great story (if you like the weird Napoleon Dynamite movies) The Other Guys - surprisingly good action and funny Scott Pilgrim vs the World - great if you appreciate the graphic novel Despicable Me - kept my attention Dinner for Schmucks - not as bad as I thought it was going to be Grown Ups - same My favorite funny movies: Pineapple Express, Idiocracy, Shaun of the Dead, Dodgeball, The Hangover, Office Space, Dumb & Dumber, Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Groundhog Day, Tommy Boy, Animal House Just great movies: Big Fish, Harvey, Dr. Strangelove
Author Zella Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 So I just finished watching Swingers and I loved it. Thanks for the suggestion. Wow, D78, that's a lot of movies. I will get to watching. Idiocracy is hilarious. I watched one episode of Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Really surprised I've never seen it before because it's really funny. Thank you all
cerridwen Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Zella, how great was the scene in Swingers when he goes home after meeting Heather Graham and his ex finally calls?! Loved it!!!!! So true!
Author Zella Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 cerridwen, I rewound that scene three times. Did you notice her saying I love you before he hung up? If she would have called a day earlier it would have been different, so I guess it shows how things happen the way they are supposed to. Also, it was annoying how casual she sounded. She was so sure he would come running back. Haha
0hpenelope Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Zella, how great was the scene in Swingers when he goes home after meeting Heather Graham and his ex finally calls?! Loved it!!!!! So true! cerridwen, I rewound that scene three times. Did you notice her saying I love you before he hung up? If she would have called a day earlier it would have been different, so I guess it shows how things happen the way they are supposed to. Also, it was annoying how casual she sounded. She was so sure he would come running back. Haha I love that scene so much. It's fiction, but the message resonates in all of us. I mean, even when Mike was talking to the girl in the trailer, we see how sympathetic the women were to him. I do love that scene. And it goes back to what Mike and Rob talked about at the beginning of the movie: Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her. Mike: Well what if she comes back first? Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget. Exes come back when we least expect them to. They show up somehow anyway. I think it depends on how much they valued us too, but well... once we're all healed, who cares if they come back.
cerridwen Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Exes come back when we least expect them to. Very, very, very true Ohpenelope. Some kind of Bat Signal must go off the minute you're over them because they always return after you've moved on. Zella, I went back and reread your original post. Are you open to seeing a therapist/counselor? It can be INCREDIBLY helpful. And maybe Gamblers Anonymous might be good so you have the support of others. It's heartbreaking to hear how you're suffering. And you're right; you don't want to destroy your life over something transitory like a break up.
Author Zella Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 Very, very, very true Ohpenelope. Some kind of Bat Signal must go off the minute you're over them because they always return after you've moved on. Zella, I went back and reread your original post. Are you open to seeing a therapist/counselor? It can be INCREDIBLY helpful. And maybe Gamblers Anonymous might be good so you have the support of others. It's heartbreaking to hear how you're suffering. And you're right; you don't want to destroy your life over something transitory like a break up. At this point I'm still hoping he will come back although I know he is wrong for me. It's the way he broke it off that is the hardest to get over. Like I never meant anything to him. I did think about a therapist but I feel embarrassed and don't think I could even talk. Nothing can change the situation I am in. That's why this website is so good. I've been reading books that help a little too. (Every time I have money for the therapist, I would just gamble it away. I would not stop until I lost it all). The problem is that I have a very good friend (break up buddy) who seems to be addicted to gambling. I feel embarrassed because others always saw me as a very strong person. Now I lost control. I need to really be determined to get better and not keep falling. Gamblers Anonymous sounds like a good idea eventually. I am just not ready. Gambling makes me forget. I'm trying to fill my time with reading, movies and exercising to have less time to gamble. (Believe me, I still find time) I wanted to believe I did not go crazy enough to need a therapist, but now that you mention it...
0hpenelope Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I wanted to believe I did not go crazy enough to need a therapist, but now that you mention it... No, you aren't crazy for needing a therapist. We need that kind of help sometimes and if it's for making ourselves better, then why not see one? It's the kind of help that isn't destructive, unlike gambling and alcoholism. Please get help. You have to move on, you just have to.
cerridwen Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 (edited) I did think about a therapist but I feel embarrassed and don't think I could even talk. Nothing can change the situation I am in. That's why this website is so good. I've been reading books that help a little too. (Every time I have money for the therapist, I would just gamble it away. I would not stop until I lost it all)...I feel embarrassed because others always saw me as a very strong person. Now I lost control. I need to really be determined to get better and not keep falling.... I wanted to believe I did not go crazy enough to need a therapist, but now that you mention it... 1) You may be surprised by therapy and how much you feel better. There's no shame in it. Personally, I love it. Therapists are simply trained to listen and help untangle some of the thoughts we have that have us leading painful lives. I'm glad you're not completely against it. It could make a big difference provided you get a good therapist. 2) Books can be great. I hope there's a library near you--beats having to buy every title you're interested in. 3) Strong people will stumble, don't be down on yourself for hitting this rough spot Zella. It's part of the human condition. What matters is how you handle it NOW. Some of the most famous quotes exist because of situations like yours. There is no shame in being human: “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”-Confucius “Fall seven times, stand up eight.” "The bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists." -Japanese proverb "Inside of a ring or out, ain't nothing wrong with going down. It's staying down that's wrong."--Muhammad Ali "The block of granite which is an obstacle in the pathway of the weak, becomes a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong." -- Thomas Carlyle "Someone was hurt before you, wronged before you, hungry before you, frightened before you, beaten before you, humiliated before you, raped before you…yet, someone survived…You can do anything you choose to do.-Maya Angelou Best to you. Edited January 16, 2011 by cerridwen
chloe56 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Hey, lots of hugs to you. I have found that watching "Under The Tuscan Sun" and "Love Actually" was helpful to me. Hope you like it, if you do watch any of them. I took Ajax's advice, well I did what he said helped him, which was to start re-decorating my flat. It was immensely helpful. Kept my mind occupied, erased most traces of the ex, tired me out enough for a good sleep at least and I was doing something constructive. Good luck to you.
Biker2007 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 The Last Kiss with Zach Braff. It has a great quote that I always think of when times are a bit rocky in a relationship: Stop talking about love. Every a-hole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing. It still doesn't mean anything. What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you say you love, that's what matters. It's the only thing that counts.
Author Zella Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 Thank you all for the replies. I don't want to disappoint you by not going to see a therapist right away but I don't have the courage yet. I am trying with the book reading and movie watching. Today I read a book about emotional abuse and it made me cry because a lot of the signs applied to him. And a few signs showed the likely start of physical abuse, which I never even considered. Today was the first day that I was strong enough not go gambling. I went to work out instead and it was great. I will try to keep this going and have faith in myself
Recommended Posts