KittenTiger Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 (edited) Hi Everyone, Just after some advice from people I don't know who may have been through something similar to me.... Me and my bf had been together for 10 years, he works in the forces so for 8 years of our relationship he has worked away, thus creating a long distance relationship! Throughout the last 8 years we have both been through a lot but have always got through because we had eachother for support, the long distance thing I feel has been tougher for me being in famililar surroundings and trying to get through each week/month without the one person I want to share my time and experiences with so feel that a lot of things were put on hold whilst he was away... He used to come home every other weekend... But always wanted to work closer to home which he has worked towards for the last 2 years... FINALLY in Oct '10 his transfer started which meant he worked 1/2 hour away!! Being in the forces he was provided with accommodation so would stay with me 4 days.. We got a house closer to his work in Dec which meant that the stress of moving and Xmas etc probably put 'us' on hold a bit, I lost my grandad earlier in the year and nan suffered a stroke, I then lost my job due to redundancy so focused on getting another...and a happier year! My bf was always supportive and would compliment me all the time, he was very affectionate which was great when I was feeling low! We didnt say 'I love you' every day because we thought it meant more when you do say it but we said it a couple of times per week! See.... I was very stressed at the time and would take a lot of it out on him which I never felt good about... But there is no rule book to advise how you deal with it all... We went on to have a lovely Christmas together and then 4 days later we had an argument, I went out for a drive to sort my head out so I didn't say something hurtful to him and when u returned home he'd gone!!!!! He wouldn't answer his phone for hours, he txtd me a couple of times before telling me he didn't want to lose me but couldn't keep me, next txt said his feelings had changed and he knew he loved me but wasn't in love with me!? He came back that night and held me' tight all night, then I told him we could work things out etc (the usual that you would say when in love with someone) but he still left!! Knowing I want children he used an excuse that he never wants them.... He continued to txt daily calling me 'babe', he asked for time, took me' out for a meal, kissed and cuddled me, then came over and said he doesn't love me' and doesn't want to be in a relationship....!???? He still txts!! Reading this I'm sure you can see um extremely confused and also a bit angry that after giving this man 10 years of love and support he can treat me' like this!! Why let us get a new home then leave a month later??? He hopes in time we can be friends but I can't even think that far ahead!!! Can anyone shed any light on this situation!!?? Many thanks Edited January 15, 2011 by KittenTiger Spelling mistakes
D78 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I'm sorry your boyfriend did that to you. My boyfriend did something similar, and I'm still in the process of figuring it all out. I can tell you what I know so far. The break up part, all the confusing things he said to you - let all of that go first. It doesn't matter. The only thing you have to know is that he doesn't want a relationship right now. I know that's hard to hear. I don't know if it's men or all dumpers, but it's like they panic and just start saying dumb things. You can ask him why. He might not know, or he might lie. You will most likely get a bunch of it's not you it's me. Most people on LS will say that he is with someone else, but I don't think that's always the case. It could be that he just isn't in love with you anymore. How could someone just fall out of love? It happens. You can't imagine it, because you didn't fall out of love with him. About the wanting to have kids thing - it is a pretty big deal in a relationship. If he truly does not want to have kids and you do, he may feel like he's keeping you from having the family you want. All of the cuddling and other things he's doing are just plain mean. He's sending mixed signals, probably because he's afraid to live without you. You need to minimize contact with him as much as possible until you both get your own places, and then have no contact. I know how much you're hurting. Post on LS, reach out to your family and friends, and take care of yourself. Good luck.
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