TryingToMoveOn Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Thought I'd share my personal story on these forums. I'm in my late 20's and had my first relationship last year with a lady a couple years my younger. We had a couple of disagreements at the beginning, most of it revolving around trust. Three months into our relationship, I told her that I didn't see any long term potential in our relationship. But we continued the relationship for another two months until she moved back home to take care of her health issues (she suffers from clinical depression). We still keep in touch as friends. Two months after our official separation, I went on a business trip close to where she lives. I invited her to join me on my trip. Both of us were single at the time so we had a great time in each other's company, and we hooked up again. During this trip, she mentioned she was starting to date some guys from OkC (where I had met her). I had a few pangs of jealousy but I ignored them. I thought I was okay that we were moving on with our lives. It turns out, one week after our hookup, she became official with one of the guys she was dating. I didn't find out until a month later, but I was surprised that I was simply heartbroken. Waves of emotions passed through me, and I had problems sleeping & eating for a week. Now, I'm slowly moving into the acceptance phase, though I slip back from time to time. Though she is in a relationship with a new guy, we have still kept in touch. I sent her an email to discuss the possibility of getting back together (not now, but sometime down the road), and now (3 weeks later) she said she still is unsure how to respond. I guess she doesn't want to have a conversation right now. But she will initiate contact with me via IM or text from time to time. And often times we will be playful, borderline flirtatious. She has a stuffed animal of mine -- she hugs him every day, comforting to her, when especially when she is depressed. You might wonder why I still consider the possibility of getting back together. Certainly it is not a good idea in the short term. But I broke off the relationship also because we are in different stages of life. She is still trying to find her path in life, and is struggling with her depression, so I could not see our relationship working out with these unresolved issues. But I thought that perhaps someday down the road, when she has some of these issues under control, we might have a chance together. I wanted to have a discussion with her about this but I don't think she's too interested, especially since she is involved with another guy right now. I am still heartbroken that she's moved on so fast. It's even harder for me because new guy clicks very well with her, much better than I did. But I think her core insecurities and lack of identity will someday be problematic in this new relationship of hers. She's not making any progress on her mental health, and is certainly having difficulties in her career path. Both as a friend and a former lover, I feel so tempted to want to help her, to give her guidance, to give her advice thorough life. The times I do try, I end up being frustrated because she isn't open to talking about her struggles, and she has little drive to change her life (a product of depression). In the end, I have concluded that I need to let her come to me if she wants to talk. I've accepted that I have lingering feelings for her, and I am sure, based on our conversations, that she has some lingering feelings for me. We did have a number of good times in our relationship, and despite our initial disagreements in our relationship, we went on a number of weekend getaways that went so smoothly. I find it impossible to hate her for anything, since we ended things on such good terms. Now, I am starting to move on with life. I still relapse and have pangs of jealousy hit me when I find out about the things that she's doing with her new bf. But today, I vowed to dedicate more effort to moving on in life. I'm not quite going for no contact, but very limited contact. I deactivated our two primary methods for communicated these days: Facebook and IM. I have more important things to focus on in life, especially trying to finish writing my dissertation in less than one month.
kikikoko Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 I think you should focus on yourself at this time because your dissertation is so important. Keeping contact with your ex at this time is not a good idea because it keep you from moving on. She is now with another guy, and they seem happy together. Time heals all wounds. Believe me in that. If you love her, set her free. If you are meant together, love will find the way back.
Recommended Posts