CaliGirl86 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I would love some honest advice from you all. My BF and I have been dating for six years. We went through a rough patch a few years ago where we broke up for about 6 months. During this time, I started seeing a good friend of his- they lived together, are from the same country (not U.S.). It wasn't my shining moment, but we were romantically involved for a couple months. Now, I have feelings of guilt, of course. My BF recently started talking about marriage and I feel like I need to be honest. It's always in the back of my mind, which makes me think that I need to tell him. I have no idea if telling him is a good idea or even how to break it to him. It's such a sticky situation because I am still really good friends with the guy. I would appreciate any advice you have. Thanks!!
Bryanp Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Hello, You really need to tell your boyfriend. If the roles were reversed wouldn't you expect him to be honest with you? You are talking about marriage. If he finds out later then your marriage might implode. Either you have a proposed marriage and relationship based on a foundation of respect and honesty or that based on a foundation of lies and disrespect. You were sexually involved with his best friend and roommate. How can you not tell him this? I would suggest writing him a letter saying everything you wish to say. Sit with him while he reads it and ask him to read the entire letter before he asks you questions. You need to do this now before you get married and I think you know this also. The fact that you remain good friends with your ex lover will also make your boyfriend feel like a fool. Your lie of omission will come back to bite you worse the longer you wait. Do the right thing. I wish you luck.
Kinder-Horror Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 It's tough - but it would be the right move to tell him. Especially if you are considering spending the rest of your life together. If it were a guy that he didn't know - it may be okay to keep it to yourself, since you were broken up for 6 months and he may have had some type of relationship in that time as well. But since it was his friend and roommate, you need to come clean. Again - it's going to be really tough because there is a fair chance this will cause problems in their friendship as well. It may be worth talking to the friend and telling him how you feel about coming clean
dont-be-naive Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 I have no idea if telling him is a good idea or even how to break it to him. It's such a sticky situation because I am still really good friends with the guy. I would appreciate any advice you have. Thanks!! you need to tell him. because if you end up married, and he finds out later, he will want to vomit. Not only that, he'll feel duped and being married, possibly trapped.
reservoirdog1 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 you need to tell him. because if you end up married, and he finds out later, he will want to vomit. Not only that, he'll feel duped and being married, possibly trapped. I agree with this. From what you've written, you didn't cheat -- you and your BF were broken up. His good friend shouldn't have gotten involved with you... "bros before hoes", pardon the expression. And it's hard to imagine any long term good coming from getting involved with your good buddy's ex. The fact that this was all kept secret from your BF suggests that his buddy knew what he was doing was a stab in the back to your BF. It sucks, definitely. But I think you need to tell your BF, for the reasons dont-be-naive outlined. If things are going to end between you and your BF over this -- and you don't know if they will or not -- it's better that they end now, rather than after a few years of marriage, kids, and shared assets. What will seem difficult now will seem like a Swedish massage compared to the difficulty of undoing a marriage.
Binster Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Have to agree with the others. If he finds out after geting hitched it could cause trouble big style, all it's ganna take is one drunken coment.
sally4sara Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 If it had not been a friend of his, I'd say what you did while broke up was none of his business. But since it was a friend of his, you should tell him if only because it would be awful for him to find out from someone else. Since he is friends with the guy, there is a chance it will come out eventually anyway. Your only choice in this is who he hears it from. If it was no one he knew, I'd say confess to a counselor or religious figure (if it is your belief to do so) if you have unresolved emotions about it.
Chi townD Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Yeah, you need to tell him. I understand that you were broken up. And if you dated someone he didn't know. Then, big deal. But, since it was his friend and roomate, I'm sure he had no knowledge of this and it seems a bit underheaded. By the way, why the hell would you start dating his friend and roomate? To get back at him or what?
ComputerJock Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 There are many posts on this site concerning the same thing. Some couples were broken up during the time boyfriends friend moved in on girl and they slept together, sometimes they were still together when girl did it with boyfriends best friend. In the majority of cases where the girl did not tell, the boyfriend found out because the best friend told, or others told him and he was shattered and ended the relationship. Sometimes the girl can't help acting different and the boyfriend picks up on it. Suspcion can drive a wedge in any relationship. It is better he hear it from you before he asks you to marry him. Wouldn't you like to know if boyfriend had affair while you were broke up?
dont-be-naive Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 If it had not been a friend of his, I'd say what you did while broke up was none of his business. I agree. thats the key that makes it different, it was a friend of his.
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