10 months post *official* break up...trying the friends thing...

[livelife]

*I am so sorry this is so llong. But I really appreciate your time!!

 

Well just a quick background: I have posted on here before but very quickly: Me and my ex dated from december to april, didnt stop talking until June, we were eachothers first loves, first everything. He even cried infront of me/over me. He said I was the first girl he has ever cried infront of/over. We were going to go back out but it was messy and I didnt trust him and he ended up not asking me out the three times he was planning on it. He wasnt sure what he wanted. Anyways, June comes and I call NC. Since then, he has been telling me every so often that he misses me. He has been asking me since the break up to be friends, and I have said no every time. I cant even begin to tell you how many times we have had the " friend" conversation.

 

Anyways, The other day he asked to be my friend online, and I accepted. We talked about friendship adn I said it was hard because since he was my first everything, I still have feelings for him. He said he would always have something for me, and he told my friend " I don't know if its enough to get back with her" I figured taking the friend road would be the best option, as it had been a messy breakup and he hurt me alot, but it has been long enough and I miss him. A couple drunken nights he has had he has hit on me and wanted me. Last night, I was at a party with him and his close friends that I am very close friends with. It was a small party. At first me and my friend were not going to go, but my ex called us and him and a friend picked us up. ( Let me add as a side note that on New years, 1-5 AM I took care of his drunken ass and none of his friends would help him out... I picked him up from the side of the road and took him to our house so he was safe)

 

Anyyyways, one of his really good friends who told me to break up with him was telling me to hook up with him last night. my ex kept talking to my best friend about how he wanted to hook up with me, and that he was not drunk ( on new years he was drunk but acted sober and tricked me into hooking up with him...saying lets just see if it feels right) So I was not falling for it, but after 4 hours of him working for it haha, we finally hooked up. I was definitely hesitant. Before we kissed I said " I dont know if I should do this." and He said, " Okay, well im not going to force anything." But I did anyways. This girl that was at the party kept saying, " I know he has feelings for you still" but its just a matter of figuring it out, you know? We really really loved eachother and were eachothers best friends.

 

The next morning, the guys come downstairs and me and this girl are on the pull out couch, my ex sits in the middle and we all are watching a movie and I was trying to read his body language and he was sitting by me closer than he could have been ( well, lying down since it was a pull out couch) we caught eachother looking at eachother once or twice the next morning.

 

My question is, what do you think is going on? I am not going to talk to him until he talks to me. But it sucks because I know we both have feelings for eachother, and that we will for a while. I just want to figure it all out. What do you think I should do? Thoughts and advice appreciated:) thank you!

[january2011]

The reason why you're still confused is because you didn't go NC. He kept contacting you about getting back together and you responded.

 

Unless the reasons for the breakup are no longer relevant and you are both committed to making this work, it's likely to turn into a friends-with-benefits scenario. And you've already put one foot on this path with the first hook up.

 

If that's not what you want, then from what I can see, your two main options are to go NC properly to clear your head and figure out what it is you really want or you talk to your ex directly (not via friends) and have a frank discussion about getting back together or not (whichever the case may be).

[livelife]

The reason why you're still confused is because you didn't go NC. He kept contacting you about getting back together and you responded.

 

Unless the reasons for the breakup are no longer relevant and you are both committed to making this work, it's likely to turn into a friends-with-benefits scenario. And you've already put one foot on this path with the first hook up.

 

If that's not what you want, then from what I can see, your two main options are to go NC properly to clear your head and figure out what it is you really want or you talk to your ex directly (not via friends) and have a frank discussion about getting back together or not (whichever the case may be).

 

I did go NC for a while, the whole summer NC except for his birthday, and then I blocked his number and online for a while until he begged my friends to just let him talk me

[january2011]

I did go NC for a while, the whole summer NC except for his birthday, and then I blocked his number and online for a while until he begged my friends to just let him talk me

 

Ah, I see. I was confused by this bit in your OP:

 

Anyways, June comes and I call NC. Since then, he has been telling me every so often that he misses me. He has been asking me since the break up to be friends, and I have said no every time. I cant even begin to tell you how many times we have had the " friend" conversation.

 

The advice in my first post still stands though.

[livelife]

Ah, I see. I was confused by this bit in your OP:

 

 

 

The advice in my first post still stands though.

 

okay:) Thank you!

[january2011]

okay:) Thank you!

 

No worries - I hope it works out for you, whatever you decide.