isitme1 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 here is my story if you care to read it...please click on my profile to read more about my situation... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t258127/ So i get home and I find a letter from my ex...its been over a month or so that I have not contacted my ex for any reason...I am giving her what she wanted...tie & space...I have been pretty much just trying to figure myself...I have started going to the gym 3x a day for 2 weeks...going to therapy, spending time w/my family and so forth..I haven't gone out...the jist of the card is..I have been in her thoughts & prayers, she has so many regrets (started dating some else who she works with a few days after our talk), her main regret is how she treated me, she tells me I am a good man that she never meat to hurt, my kindness was never questioned and that my xmas gifts were amazing & they mean alot to her, she realizes that that I put a lot of time & thought into them, she says she doesnt deserve them and thanks me, I will continue to be in her thoughts & prayers, and the big topper i get a thank you for being a part of her life and the amazing gifts. I dont understand why i got this card? why didn't she text me? I wanted to text or call her and give her what I thought but i am not. I miss her dearly, but its more important for me for her to be happy with what she wants? I had a weird feeling that I would hear from her but just didn't know how she would contact me. anyone knows what all this means? what if she contacts me again? I am still doing NC...I know deep down I am not ready to talk to her and go backwards w/my emotions...I am caring a lot about her that I have been letting go slowly...maybe it was her way of getting closure by sending a card instead of contacting via phone. Maybe this means I am out of her life for good!
USMCHokie Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Closure has nothing to do with what she does or says. It all comes from within yourself...closure is just a fiction that we create in our minds in an attempt to justify our feelings of hope... Simply put, closure is personal acceptance. Acceptance that the relationship is over for good. Acceptance that it's time to move on. Acceptance that she is no longer going to be a part of your life. Acceptance that there will always be someone out there who's better for you. Acceptance that you'll be just fine without her. And you don't need her to give you that acceptance. That comes from you digging deep down into your mind and heart...and it's definitely easier said than done...but in time, it will come... EDIT: Just reread OP. In response: who gives a f*ck whether that's "closure" for her...?
january2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I agree with USMCHokie's definition of closure. I'd also like to add that in all likelihood she used the card as an opportunity to assuage her guilt. I suggest taking it as read that you're out of her life for good. She's with someone else now and you are starting to create your own life without her. It will only prolong the time it takes you to heal if you expect her to contact you again. Best just to put the focus back on you and go back to NC.
Ajax Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 **Shakes head** I don't know man. I don't know. I don't understand why they leave and jump into another relationship but then feel the need to tell us how much we meant to them and that they regret how they treated us.
cboy90 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 **Shakes head** I don't know man. I don't know. I don't understand why they leave and jump into another relationship but then feel the need to tell us how much we meant to them and that they regret how they treated us. Maybe because we have more to offer than this 'new' person. Something is 'missing' in the new relationship. Something you have and they don't.
USMCHokie Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Maybe because we have more to offer than this 'new' person. Something is 'missing' in the new relationship. Something you have and they don't. How do you know this? What if there's something that they have that you don't? The best way to deal with it is to not think about it. Your ex's life has to be completely irrelevant to you. I know it's easier said than done because you probably still care about them, but if they felt the same way about you, then they wouldn't be your ex, right...?
dng Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 **Shakes head** I don't know man. I don't know. I don't understand why they leave and jump into another relationship but then feel the need to tell us how much we meant to them and that they regret how they treated us. They do it because they have been slowly working getting themselves back. They are different now because they no longer think in terms of "us", but in terms of "me". It feels good to tell someone "You are a good person, I loved you to death, on one will ever replace you". It makes you feel good, lofty, powerful, magnanimous. Best ignored and certainly, best not said.
Author isitme1 Posted January 15, 2011 Author Posted January 15, 2011 in all honesty it has taken me back to how i feel about everything...I am still sad about it but i am not trying to react from it... I want to send back some sort of comment or letter but I know it will not accomplish anything...I have so many questions in my head that it makes me feel worse...I ahve goten rid of everything that was a reminder of the relationship...its just best i dispose of the letter...in all of this mess I still can't find myself to be angry w/her...
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