testpilot Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 (edited) It should first be said that I'm using "approach" in a kind of tongue-in-cheek way. I'm a guy who has never tried to ask a strange girl (ie no prior communication with her at all) out before. But the other day I gave it a try. I felt it went AWFUL of course but I was hoping for some constructive criticism I saw a cute girl working as an employee at the cafeteria at my college. I should stress that I honestly didn't have any expectations and so my goal was really to just build some confidence with talking to women. She was working behind a counter and there was only about a 20-30 sec gap between waves of people coming to stand in line. In between she would just kind of stand idly. So I sat at a nearby table and tried to think of something to say. I honestly had no idea what to say, I mean obviously there's no reason for her to talk to me. I looked at her until she noticed me sitting. After a while I said screw it, and walked over to a gap in the counter when she was just standing with nothing to do. I didn't say hardly anything because she was literally at work, so no time for reading her a poem or something . And again, I didn't know what to say anyway (HI I THINK UR PRETTY ~~ ). Me: "Excuse me..." (gesturing, she walks over) Me: "Sorry to interrupt... Hi, I'm Aaron" (shake her hand and smile) Me: "I was wondering if you'd be interested in having somebody to talk to after work (still smiling)" Her: (didn't hear me, it is a cafeteria after all so we lean in and I repeat) Her: "After work? Today?" Me: "Yep" Her: (embaressed smile) "I am sorry, I am not available" Me: "Oh alright. Well thanks for talking to me anyway!" I feel like she was sincere, not that it really matters. She'd have to have been SUPER-desperate since I gave her no reason at all to be interested in me, a total stranger. Those with more experience, how might I be more effective in this kind of scenario? I've seen a lot of cute girls in the cafeteria, employees, sitting alone, etc and I go there every day anyway. Maybe it seems kind of strange to try to pick up girls in a cafeteria but I don't know, I guess I've not been one for the bar scene Edited January 15, 2011 by testpilot
Leigh 87 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Very few guys can pull that off; only really good looking guys can ask a girl out straight away, before even having a propper conversations with her. Most guys strike up a conversation with the girl they are interested in. Better still, you should see if there is any chemistry between you; even though you may like how she looks, you should at least talk with her to make sure you like her pesonality and the feeling you get from here, before pursuing things further; you may be a bad fit for each other. You did demonstrate that you have a good attitude - you will not let the possibility of being rejected stop you from going for the girl you are after. Next time, just make sure that you talk to her FIRST, and THEN decide if things went well enough for you to ask her out.
shayan Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I like Leigh's advice, I never ask a girl to hangout unless I talk to her first and see if there is chemistry. The funny thing is I was in the same place you were about a year ago with women, shy, just out a hurting relationship, and not a clue what to do. But then I would go to the school cafeteria and see all these single ladies just sitting down ready for the taking. So naturally I realized it was time to stop being a chump. My first blind approach was in november I asked the girl if I could have a seat she said yes we walked for half an hour I felt the chemistry and got her number. I was shocked how easy it was. Needless to say she wasn't my last encounter and I was rejected much moreee than I got numbers. But rejection means nothing if you're confident. But now I say my technique is much better and I'm getting affective at talking to the most attractive ones. This is going to sound a bit simple, but honestly I've just learned to be confident being myself and improvise. When I see a girl I rarely try to be cool, or have some amazing line to say. I usually just give her a confident look and gauge her reaction, if her look back is welcoming or curious I go straight up and say something like how are you? or How's it going my name's Sean. Then I'll ask her questions or comment about something in the environment to get a conversation started. If you're in school you can ask her what she studies, but don't be lame and say that's nice after she answers. Ask something useful like this: she looks at you and you notice, without hesitation (hardest part to master) you walk up to her. when you sit there and stare at her for a while she'll notice you're scared and that's usually (not always some girls love shy guys) a turn off to women. Hi my name's blank, how's it going I'm good my name's blank so what do you study? Molecular genetics ahh so you live on the bottom floor of the library don't you? she laughs, actually no I like to study in my dorm but sometimes I do feel like a prisoner yeah me the curricullum here is rough, but it's fun because... blank and you can go on to talk about her hobbies, interests and gauge if there are common grounds. Try to find common topics talk about them throw in humour sarcasm and a little emotion. If you played piano, I'd tell you a good conversation, is a lot like a dynamic piano piece. Don't monotone it, don't stick to one subject especially if it's boring, feel free to change topics as you feel nessecary. whatever you do I advise against you becoming one of those guys who just memorise lines to me that seems so lame. good luck let me know if you need more advice. oh and see yourself in your mind's eye talking to women succesfully. Positive visualization works.
Rose T Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Hi Testpilot! Yes, the other guys have given you great advice. I'm a girl and I've said the same to my male friends - if you just go and ask a girl straight out, based on her looks, she'll think you're a bit superficial. I know that when guys come up to me and say, what's your name, want to give me your number? it's a bit of a roll-eyes situation because you assume they're players and / or just after one thing. It's probably the wrong impression, but there you have it. We don't want men to ask us out just based on our looks, because we have a lot more to offer. So yes, a conversation or even observation has to come first. A funny comment about the place you're in, leading to simple questions about themselves, where they get a chance to ask stuff about you, too. You can get a lot from a 5 minute conversation. But you sort of need to start in a friend-zone, at least not focussing on a date; so smile and show some of your good qualities. It really does get easier. Since I found myself single again I've been amazed how easy it is to talk to people you don't know but you should kind of treat even a girl you fancy like any other stranger at first, with polite, non date-directed conversation. Attraction has to develop, for her too.
chinatownhustler Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Me: "I was wondering if you'd be interested in having somebody to talk to after work (still smiling)" :sick::sick::sick::sick::sick:
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