New to this experience

[bellaboo]

So, I have been reading threads in this forum for the past few weeks. Just kind of mulling around seeking advice. At this point, I'd like to share my story....

 

 

I'm emotionally involved and semi-physically with a co-worker. Before I move any further, I must state that relationships in the workplace are not prohibited at the company I work for, so that is not a concern. I've been there almost a year and have never looked at him in the way I do now. One day, out of the blue, BAM!! It hit me, and hit me hard, that I was into this man. The problem is he is engaged and just had a child with his fiancee a few months ago.

 

Through chats on Facebook, we became fast friends. I tried my very best to conceal the fact I had an intense interest in him, as I have morals and would never try to break up a home. He told me he has been having doubts and isn't sure if she is the one he really wants to marry. After about a week, we went and had coffee under the assumption it was just to chat generally. I'm sure you can all guess where things have went from that point....

 

 

We are both very much wanting to be together. We've talked for hours each day, went for coffee, dinner and went out for the day, etc. This has only made our bond stronger. I told him he really needed to give his relationship with her a thorough inventory and if, in his heart he really wants to make sure he has moved on from her and relationship emotionally, he needs to do that. He has a daughter from a previous relationship that is 10 years old and is scared to disrupt her contentment at home by leaving his fiancee. He took her to dinner to speak about the state of things, and apparently she stormed out for whatever reason. He called me to let me know he was not going home that evening and asked if I'd like to come see him, as he was getting a hotel room. I obliged. We did not have sex, but of course there was kissing and cuddling, etc. I've told him from the start that I will not involve myself with him sexually unless we end up together. We're both very frustrated and don't know what to do. He told me today he can no longer play this game and he will be making a decision on everything and will have his answer. Here is an excerpt of an email he recently sent me:

 

I wake up each morning, searching for the answer. The one that I know is to hard just to be laid out in front of me. My fiance is trying, so very hard. She knows that over the last how ever many months we grew apart, and she is doing everything she can to bring us back together. I'm being torn between two women who both deserve so much more then I can offer them. I'm going to hurt someone very soon, and I just cant do it. I've listend to you cry, and I've listend to her cry and it takes every ounce of strength that I have to be strong and not cry with both of you. I lay in my bed and I think about you, she rubbed my head the other night, and I wished it was you. I talk to you everyday, and I think about her. What do I want? Where do I want to be? Neither of you are making this easy. Whenever I feel like I have made up my mind, something happens to make me question myself. I must admit....... I'm scared!! I'm scared of making the wrong choice, and I'm scared of making the right choice. I feel like I know what I want, but I think it may be impulse. I am a very impulsive person, so you have to bare with me on this. I cant just up and leave because I may think it is the right thing to do. I have to be sure before I do anything. 100 positive, because this affects so many people. The relationship that my daughter has with her is wonderful, it's going to rip her little heart apart to take that away. She's been through so much, and now everything is great for her and I go and say sorry baby, time to go again. I would love nothing more then to come to your house tonight and just lay with you. Hold each other tight and never leave again. I mean that too, so I hope your able to bear with me for a little while. I miss you

 

So, I guess my question is...what do I do? Am I am awful person? I've never once asked him to leave her for me or gave him an ultimatum. I've simply stated that if he chooses to stay where he's at, it just can't continue....

[whichwayisup]

So she just had a baby afew months ago, yet they've grown apart? You mean when she was pregnant, he has been with you, having an affair?

 

Reading that email is heart wrenching. Please, do yourself a favour, back off and tell him that you don't want him to choose between you and his daughter, and newborn.

 

I feel for his kids, his wife (she is commonlaw), mother of his child. You and him allowed to this happen, knowing full well of the consquences, he's impulsive (selfish) and sadly you sad you had morals and it seems you let feelings take over and now this situation has been born. He has to choose, and now you have to protect your heart. Not assuming anything, but usually how this goes is, MM picks his wife, and in your situation he more than likely isn't going to up root his daughter, turn her life upside down for selfish reasons. He still loves the woman he lives with, he just allowed himself to love you as well.

 

Bow out, as much as it'll hurt, easier to do it now rather than 2 or 4 years from now. You haven't invested a whole lot into him, not anything like his wife, mother of his baby has. It just isn't fair to intrude and hope he picks you. It's setting yourself up for a fall.

 

Good luck and I really hope you make an active decision too, don't just "wait" for him.

[NoIDidn't]

How sad! He's afraid of making the wrong choice AND of making the right choice.

 

He doesn't sound like he's going to make a decision. He's going to have it forced on him. And it will likely be that his fiance leaves him and he runs to you by default. And then his cycle will continue.

 

Sounds like he's commitment phobic.

[BullsFan]

Here is an excerpt of an email he recently sent me:

 

I wake up each morning, searching for the answer. The one that I know is to hard just to be laid out in front of me. My fiance is trying, so very hard. She knows that over the last how ever many months we grew apart, and she is doing everything she can to bring us back together. I'm being torn between two women who both deserve so much more then I can offer them. I'm going to hurt someone very soon, and I just cant do it. I've listend to you cry, and I've listend to her cry and it takes every ounce of strength that I have to be strong and not cry with both of you. I lay in my bed and I think about you, she rubbed my head the other night, and I wished it was you. I talk to you everyday, and I think about her. What do I want? Where do I want to be? Neither of you are making this easy. Whenever I feel like I have made up my mind, something happens to make me question myself. I must admit....... I'm scared!! I'm scared of making the wrong choice, and I'm scared of making the right choice. I feel like I know what I want, but I think it may be impulse. I am a very impulsive person, so you have to bare with me on this. I cant just up and leave because I may think it is the right thing to do. I have to be sure before I do anything. 100 positive, because this affects so many people. The relationship that my daughter has with her is wonderful, it's going to rip her little heart apart to take that away. She's been through so much, and now everything is great for her and I go and say sorry baby, time to go again. I would love nothing more then to come to your house tonight and just lay with you. Hold each other tight and never leave again. I mean that too, so I hope your able to bear with me for a little while. I miss you

 

So, I guess my question is...what do I do? Am I am awful person? I've never once asked him to leave her for me or gave him an ultimatum. I've simply stated that if he chooses to stay where he's at, it just can't continue....

 

I have to say the bolded raises red flags for me...he says that he is impulsive...I've been in relationships with impulsive men and they don't make the best partners in my eyes...They do what feels good in the moment with out thinking things through...

 

The relationship often starts out as adventurous and fun, but as time goes on it becomes unpredictable, unstable and you constantly looking over shoulder for what might be dropped in your lap...

 

Another thing that raises a flag is he already giving excuses as to why he can't leave...Referring to the stability of his daughter and it would crush her...Pretty much trying to pull at your heart strings....I don't have any advice for you but please tread cautiously and protect your heart...

[bellaboo]

I want to stress that we became involved only a month ago..I was not speaking with him at all while she was pregnant

[whichwayisup]

One month?

 

Leave him alone then. As I said before, you really haven't invested much in him, you don't have a life built with him like his wife does. Mother of his baby, stepmom to his daughter.

 

Could you live with yourself knowing he left them for you only after a month?

 

Are you prepared to be stepmom to TWO kids? A 10 year old and a baby?

[bellaboo]

I was in a relationship for three years with someone who had two children. I love kids, and so, I don't forsee that being a problem. I also neglected to mention that when he told me today that he was over the games and sneaking around, that his decision will be made by Monday. He wants the weekend. I can assure you all, that if he chooses to remain where he is, the affair will be over. I read some of the stories from women that have been in an affair with a man for over a year, and don't know how they can do it. I've never had this happen to me, and I know these are awful things, but I cannot ignore the feelings I have for him.

[JsSweetPea]

First of all...you're not an awful person. You're just in a situation that is awfully hard. My advice is to run & run quick. The longer you stick around the more in love with him you'll become.

[Iconoclast]

as I have morals and would never try to break up a home.

 

The relationship that my daughter has with her is wonderful, it's going to rip her little heart apart to take that away. She's been through so much, and now everything is great for her and I go and say sorry baby, time to go again.

 

Just something to think about.

[xpaperxcutx]

Lol clearly he wasn't thinking about his daughter when he started the affair...

 

Actually, if he is just engaged, it would be alot easier to break things off than just signing divorce papers. He still has a choice of sharing custody or paying child support and that wouldn't hinder his relationship with you the least bit.

 

So what's stopping him?

[spice4life]

After what I've learned, if someone told me they were in love with two women and iwas one of them, I would say "sayanara" for sure. There is nothing that tortures your soul more than to be involved with a man/woman who is emotionally entangled with another woman/man. You are probably not going to listen, but you should RUN for the hills as fast as you can! Don't allow yourself to be involved with this man for a second longer.

 

But, like I said, you probably won't listen so good luck. Once you're in it is very VERY hard to get out. It's no joke!

[BB07]

As others have already made some very good points, I'll just reiterate them.

 

Your time with this man is so short and you don't have much invested and as someone else pointed out, what kind of man gets himself into something with you when he has a newborn baby and a engagement. Not one who is emotionally healthy is my guess.

 

I would venture a guess that after this weekend, he will come to you and tell you how torn he is but he just can't leave for x,y, and z reasons and if you aren't careful you'll be sucked into an affair with him. MM or men who are already committed to someone else are masters at pulling the poor pitiful me strings with their oh I'm so torn, and I'm so unsure because I met you and oh I wish I had met you before.........x, y and z.

 

One more thing, you said your morals won't let you have an affair, well you've already let them slip or you wouldn't be here telling this story , so don't let them slide all the way to the ground. Pick yourself up and take your morals with you and walk away before you are into something that will cause yourself, his g/f and the biggie........the children a whole lotta of pain and heartache.

[spice4life]

As others have already made some very good points, I'll just reiterate them.

 

Your time with this man is so short and you don't have much invested and as someone else pointed out, what kind of man gets himself into something with you when he has a newborn baby and a engagement. Not one who is emotionally healthy is my guess.

 

I would venture a guess that after this weekend, he will come to you and tell you how torn he is but he just can't leave for x,y, and z reasons and if you aren't careful you'll be sucked into an affair with him. MM or men who are already committed to someone else are masters at pulling the poor pitiful me strings with their oh I'm so torn, and I'm so unsure because I met you and oh I wish I had met you before.........x, y and z.

 

One more thing, you said your morals won't let you have an affair, well you've already let them slip or you wouldn't be here telling this story , so don't let them slide all the way to the ground. Pick yourself up and take your morals with you and walk away before you are into something that will cause yourself, his g/f and the biggie........the children a whole lotta of pain and heartache.

 

Amen to that bb07!

 

Bellaboo, whether you want to believe it or not, you ARE in an affair. Just because you haven't actually had sex yet does not mean you aren't. having an affair. You are in what is called an "emotional affair" (EA) and that is just as bad, if not worse, as a physical affair (PA). He is betraying his fiance with you by being involved with you in a way that requires him to sneak around behind her back. That's an affair. Period.

 

I would like to add that you may want to examine what is going on in your own life that caused you to venture down this path to begin with. You out right pursued him knowing his situation and you need to figure out why you stepped over the line and went for it. Under normal circumstances a person would respect the fact that someone is "committed" to someone else and not go there. I too was involved with a MM and after much introspection and spending A LOT of money on therapy, I realized I did it during a very vulnerable time in my life. I strongly suggest you look at yourself and ask why am I doing this?

 

Plus, it appears he has commitment issues because he has children by two different women. Do you want to be the third? No matter how much you justify what you are doing, it is nothing more than a rationalization of something you don't want to face within yourself. This is a lesson you will learn and right now you have a choice - you can either do the work to figure it out now or learn the hard way by opening yourself up to excruciating pain and others too.

Edited January 15, 2011 by spice4life

[bellaboo]

To everyone,

 

I THANK you all for your kind words, wisdom from having been there, and advice. I am having a very difficult time dealing with this and where to go with it, etc. and my eyes have been opened to what a hard road I will be facing should I let things continue in their current state. The only concern I have now, though, is that come Mon if he tells me he's ended their relationship, how do I respond? My heart will very much tell me to run with him.

 

One other thing I'd like to point out, is that his daughter was conceived in a high school relationship. It was not anything serious. The mother apparently has a drug abuse problem that developed a few years ago. The newborn was not planned, but welcomed, and he felt he should propose given the circumstances. Not attempting to make excuses but don't think he is a commitment phobe or some kind of monster.

 

Anyway, I'll keep you all updated Thank you again.

[BB07]

bellaboo said...........

 

I THANK you all for your kind words, wisdom from having been there, and advice. I am having a very difficult time dealing with this and where to go with it, etc. and my eyes have been opened to what a hard road I will be facing should I let things continue in their current state. The only concern I have now, though, is that come Mon if he tells me he's ended their relationship, how do I respond? My heart will very much tell me to run with him.

I don't think you are looking at this realistically. Even if he does decide to leave, it's going to be very complicated. He has already told you he is torn, do you really expect that to change just because he might make a decision? It won't go away and you need to realize he has a LIFE with this woman and the children. Walking away will not be easy, nor should it be.

 

One other thing I'd like to point out, is that his daughter was conceived in a high school relationship. It was not anything serious. The mother apparently has a drug abuse problem that developed a few years ago. The newborn was not planned, but welcomed, and he felt he should propose given the circumstances. Not attempting to make excuses but don't think he is a commitment phobe or some kind of monster.

You've known this man for a very short time.....not nearly long enough to really know anything about him and he has already gave you several flags that should be hitting you in the face. You are already making excuses for his choices and come on...........get real, who the hell gets married in this day and time just because someone is pregnant???

 

If you continue on with this, the odds are against you and I'm afraid you are going to be hurt badly. Love is not suppose to hurt! I don't want to see you go down this road........please think very hard and look at it through clear eyes.

[fooled once]

I want to stress that we became involved only a month ago..I was not speaking with him at all while she was pregnant

 

1 month? 30 days? And this dude is going to end his engagement, uproot his daughter and leave his newborn for a 30 'relationship'?

 

One month?

 

Leave him alone then. As I said before, you really haven't invested much in him, you don't have a life built with him like his wife does. Mother of his baby, stepmom to his daughter.

 

Could you live with yourself knowing he left them for you only after a month?

 

Are you prepared to be stepmom to TWO kids? A 10 year old and a baby?

 

Good post

 

I was in a relationship for three years with someone who had two children. I love kids, and so, I don't forsee that being a problem. I also neglected to mention that when he told me today that he was over the games and sneaking around, that his decision will be made by Monday. He wants the weekend. I can assure you all, that if he chooses to remain where he is, the affair will be over. I read some of the stories from women that have been in an affair with a man for over a year, and don't know how they can do it. I've never had this happen to me, and I know these are awful things, but I cannot ignore the feelings I have for him.

 

Ever step family is different. Was that relationship formed from an affair? This guys 10 year old daughter will KNOW he left her "mom" for you. She will hate you. She will once again have to UPROOT her life because her father has no morals, is a coward and has no respect for anyone.

 

And do you think his fiance will gladly hand over her NEWBORN to you? I don't think so. She will make life HELL for you (and him - and rightfully so) for what you both have done.

 

You and he barely know each other. Big deal that you have spent "hours" on the phone. That isn't a relationship. How long do you think his fiancee has spent talking to him? Probably thousands of hours, countless days, many, many months and years. Yet, you knew he was with someone else and that didn't stop you from saying NO.

 

Aren't you the least bit concerned about the integrity of a man who would disrupt the life of his daughter who has previously had her life disrupted and is now stable, and leave the mother of his newborn as well as his newborn to seek a relationship with someone he's been involved with for ONE MONTH? To me, that is no man...and, if he leaves, I would expect this is nothing more than an exit affair.

 

Is your logic so clouded by these good feelings that you can't see how crazy it is for someone to consider making such drastic, life altering decisions for someone in such a short period of time? Does it not bother you that he's willing to turn his family members' lives upside down for someone he's barely getting to know? Put your thinking hat on

 

Excellent post SadInTexas.

 

As others have already made some very good points, I'll just reiterate them.

 

Your time with this man is so short and you don't have much invested and as someone else pointed out, what kind of man gets himself into something with you when he has a newborn baby and a engagement. Not one who is emotionally healthy is my guess.

 

I would venture a guess that after this weekend, he will come to you and tell you how torn he is but he just can't leave for x,y, and z reasons and if you aren't careful you'll be sucked into an affair with him. MM or men who are already committed to someone else are masters at pulling the poor pitiful me strings with their oh I'm so torn, and I'm so unsure because I met you and oh I wish I had met you before.........x, y and z.

 

One more thing, you said your morals won't let you have an affair, well you've already let them slip or you wouldn't be here telling this story , so don't let them slide all the way to the ground. Pick yourself up and take your morals with you and walk away before you are into something that will cause yourself, his g/f and the biggie........the children a whole lotta of pain and heartache.

 

Ditto! Totally agree!

 

To everyone,

 

I THANK you all for your kind words, wisdom from having been there, and advice. I am having a very difficult time dealing with this and where to go with it, etc. and my eyes have been opened to what a hard road I will be facing should I let things continue in their current state. The only concern I have now, though, is that come Mon if he tells me he's ended their relationship, how do I respond? My heart will very much tell me to run with him.

 

One other thing I'd like to point out, is that his daughter was conceived in a high school relationship. It was not anything serious. The mother apparently has a drug abuse problem that developed a few years ago. The newborn was not planned, but welcomed, and he felt he should propose given the circumstances. Not attempting to make excuses but don't think he is a commitment phobe or some kind of monster.

 

Anyway, I'll keep you all updated Thank you again.

 

You are making excuses for this coward. Just because his first child was from high school doesn't make the child any less important or any less loved. You are only hearing HIS story - HIS side. He is a jerk. An honorable man doesn't cheat on his fiancee after she has given birth to his baby.

 

He either flunked health class, which discusses BIRTH CONTROL, or he just doesn't care. Does justifying his impregnanting 2 different women make him seem like a stand up guy to you? Poor guy, these two women tried to trap him with getting pregnant - it wasn't HIS fault.

 

He is a coward, a cheater and has no respect.

 

You even tell us how he tells you his fiancee is trying hard to make the relationship work and what is he doing? He is off playing with you. Nice of him to leave her to raise his TWO children (one that isn't even HERS) while he is off playing footsie and kissy face with you.

 

I forsee him telling you Monday he hasn't made a decision. Any guy who disrupts BOTH of his children's lives over some girl he met 30 days ago has serious, serious issues.

 

How about backing off? How about leaving his alone? How about NOT answering his calls? Send him an email that YOU have decided that you will NOT be "that woman" who has no morals or no values and that you refuse to get involved with someone who is COMMITTED to someone else?

 

Do you think he will go right from living with her to living with you? Do you not see how wrong that is? Obviously this guy needs counseling or time on his own; but I forsee you wanting him to live with you and set up and play house with a guy you met 1 MONTH ago. You know nothing really about him - except that he has 2 children by 2 women and he has issues with respect, being honorable, honoring commitments, is untrustworthy and definitely NOT loyal.

 

Sounds like a wonderful guy...

 

Since you have so little time invested in him, my advice to you is to run far away and let him deal with HIS life.

 

Good luck!

[jj33]

You've gotten great responses. As everyone said run dont walk.

 

If he leaves he leaves that is not your responsibility. He said they have grown apart. That is their issue not yours.

 

My feeling is if someone doesnt know what they want, they dont want what they have. His cup runneth over. Two women crying their eyes out and him not knowing what to do.

 

Doesnt matter what he thinks. The important thing is that you know what you think and take heed, hes not a good person to start a relationship with. Run like the wind.

 

Just like he can make a decision over the weekend so can you. Your decision should be to close this chapter before you become any more involved than you already are.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

How do you know hes not just stringing you both along? you don't know him well enough to tell the difference hes spoon feeding you exactly what he wants you to hear hes sending all these "im in anguish" emails so you will feel bad and hang around longer cause he knows you have said if he cant make up his mind your gone! So he figures keep you on the hook until your hooked heck he may even have other women as well cant trust a cheater IMO anyways not one word...

[OpenBook]

I've listend to you cry, and I've listend to her cry and it takes every ounce of strength that I have to be strong and not cry with both of you. I lay in my bed and I think about you, she rubbed my head the other night, and I wished it was you. I talk to you everyday, and I think about her. What do I want? Where do I want to be? Neither of you are making this easy...

 

Oh Puh-LEEZE.

 

So, I guess my question is...what do I do?

 

Be a real woman. Leave him in the dust, and go find a real man!

[bellaboo]

Well, this whole situation was put to an end yesterday. As stated by others, he sent me an email after we stayed the night together and told me that, as much as he wants to be with me, he needs to go home to his family, even though he doesn't believe he is in love with her, but just doesn't have it in his heart. I went back to the hotel we stayed at together on my lunch break from work to get the things that I had left. Of course, I was crying but trying to hold it together so he couldn't see the pain. He was crying as well, and told me he wished he things could be easier etc., you know basically the things you all told me he'd see. I told him that if things didn't work out, not to come knocking at my door, that this was it. It was over on my end.

 

Fast forward to today... Fiancee texts me begging me to tell her everything that happened between us. Like a fool, and most def. out of hurtful spite, I told her. Sent her all the emails. I knew they would hurt her, but I did it anyway, I suppose because part of me didn't want him to get away with this. Now I feel like a complete monster. I just don't know if I did the right thing. She said she thanked me for my honesty, and that if I hadn't, she would be living a lie. Now I have him threatening to ruin my job with confidential info that could very well cause me to lose my job if I continue to communicate. I don't plan on it, as she has enough info to make her own decision. (remember, he and I work together). I don't know what she plans on doing, and it's not my business at this point. I'm sure he'll make me look like the guilty party, and I guess I can live with that. Anyone been through this as well or have any thoughts? I've started to NC stage with him, though he has not tried to reach me today, which is to be expected.

[whichwayisup]

It took courage and balls to reply back to her and give her the honesty she was looking for. You did the right thing - She asked, and is thankful that you told her the truth. It means that HE minimized and lied to her, she knew this and was sick over it, he was gaslighting her..You put her out of her misery, so to speak.

 

He is pissed at himself now, as much as he wants to put all this on you and make your life hell, HE is the one who created this mess. He cheated on his fiancee, turned her world upside, now she has mistrust in him, HIS fault. Yes, you were a willing partner in all this, but you did help her by giving her the truth. You didn't do it to screw her over in hopes to 'win' him, or make him suffer, you realized she deserved the truth. By doing this, you've given yourself closure too. Just hope that you DO NOT ever take this man back if he comes crawling to you..He made his choice, his fiance. Reguardless of the fact that she more than likely is going to break up with him..

 

Just stay away from him, don't return ANY of his calls or emails. Right now he hates you and is blaming you for ruining his life. He now is living in a hell and is facing his consquences for his choices and for lying and betraying the woman he was going to marry.

[alexandria35]

Well I think you did the right thing in telling her the truth. She asked and she does deserve to know. Sounds like you told her for vindictive reasons though and now your MM is threatening to ruin you at your workplace. Wow! where did the love go? This is just another element of affairs that I have never understood. Two people hook up, claim to be soulmates, it's a love like no other, it's fate, etc...but when the affair ends Romeo and Juliet turn on each other and get nasty. I don't get it because I have had some painful breakups but I have never tried to hurt an ex just because our relationship didn't work out, nor have I ever had an ex try to deliberately hurt me at the end of the relationship.

 

OP what's done is done. You should probably try to remove yourself from the whole situation now and just focus on getting over it and moving on.

[bellaboo]

A large part of me did do it for my own closure. I needed it. This is the email he sent me this morning with his explanation. As I said before, I told him that even if she leaves him, not to come running to me..

 

 

I close my eyes, I think of you. I wake up each morning and I think of you. I don't want to make this hard on either of us, but I guess it's too late for that. Your going to be very hard to get over, your so beautiful, and perfect. Your right, neither of us asked this to end, and neither of us asked it to begin, but it did. I'm glad that it did though, you made me feel alive again. I wouldn't have gave our small amount of time together up for anything on earth. Like I said I may be making the wrong choice in life right now, but it is that choice that needs to be made. I'll miss you. I've never strung a women along as you put it. And I've never questioned any decision I've ever made. I've never cheated on my girl and I never asked you to come along and change all of that for me. If you truly believe what you just wrote me then fine. I don't need to make you feel better and I don't need to make myself feel better. I know what I want and I know what I get. Too bad those two things aren't one in the same.

 

 

Sounds like to me he knows he made the "wrong" choice..but I won't be around to be his shoulder to cry on. If I did, I'm sure I'd end up in the same boat as her. No thanks, I'll pass. And find someone more worthy of my time, love, and respect.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

 

Sounds like to me he knows he made the "wrong" choice..but I won't be around to be his shoulder to cry on. If I did, I'm sure I'd end up in the same boat as her. No thanks, I'll pass. And find someone more worthy of my time, love, and respect.

 

Good for you he sounds unstable at best one min hes threating to ruin you at work now your all he can think about? Can you say "nut job"...Your so much better off and I applaud your telling her now the balls in her court let her run with it as she will. How on earth dose he say "he never cheated on his girl"? that makes no sense. As I said he has some mental issues indeed congrats welcome to the rest of your life bellaboo! you will find Mr right in time hopefully..