ecm Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I've never been to a therapist (though I'm thinking about it ), so I have a question. If someone is going to a therapist for relationship/ intimacy issues, might that be encouraged to cut off relationships or cut people off for a while? I ask because someone I care about recently started seeing a therapist. He told me that he's been laying low and spending a lot of time with himself. He said that it's for simplicity and it's not meant to hurt anyone's feelings. I'm cool with whatever, even though I miss talking to him. AHs anyone experienced that? It makes sense, I'm just wondering about other people's experiences. Thanks for your thoughts/ help, etc.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Depends on the therapist and their whole philosophy. The therapist I have seen I have seen before. Her whole thing is helping people to live their life. What good does it do to cut someone off from the people around them. Now his therapist may well have told him to lay low for a while. It's by no means universal.
Author ecm Posted January 15, 2011 Author Posted January 15, 2011 I guess it makes sense. If you need to focus on yourself without distractions. Thank you xo
carhill Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 My exW and I had 14 months of psychological therapy and I don't once recall ever hearing the suggestion to in any way limit social contact or 'take a break' from friends, family or each other. On the contrary, interpersonal relationships are the perfect places to practice the tools learned in therapy. Obviously, one should avoid unhealthy people (drama queens, Hoovers, addicts, etc) but that's good advice anyway. Is your friend a sufferer of physical and/or sexual abuse? If so, perhaps that's different. I still don't see good cause to wall off from the world. Anyway, one perspective. Be available if they change their mind. I found friends to be a lifesaver during my divorce. Kept me sane
Duckduckgoose Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I don't know your friend's situation. I am in counselling for issues raised by my upcoming divorce and the counselor did not recommend that I cut myself off from the world. I am however voluntarily laying low from pursuing relationships (intimate relationships, not friendships) until the counselling and divorce stuff has blown over. I guess with me its more I need some recharge and "me" time. Your friend might be doing the same thing, he might be introspecting right now... I know I have been.
carhill Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 OP, when you say 'care about', I assumed this was a platonic friend. Is that assumption wrong?
Author ecm Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 OP, when you say 'care about', I assumed this was a platonic friend. Is that assumption wrong? Hi Carhill. He was not a platonic friend, but he is right now. (which would really make sense since he is supposedly seeing the therapist to work out his "relationship" issues, duckduckgoose. )We shall see what the future holds. It's interesting to me...why people do things, etc. I think too much. Also- one of the things he told me did involve sexual abuse when he was younger.
Cee Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 From my and friends' experiences, therapists don't push people to do things they are not ready to do. Even stuff like abusing alcohol, porn or drugs. I sought treatment for my relationship issues several years ago. Right after, I ended it with my boyfriend. Nobody told me to do it, but I wanted to do it. I understood that to ever be in a healthy relationship, I had to develop a healthy relationship with myself first. And it worked. I am a completely different person now. It's like a miracle, but it was a lot of work and pain too. I think it's great you are still friends with him. Watching someone else heal and grow can be inspiring and motivating for you to set your own personal growth goals.
Author ecm Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 From my and friends' experiences, therapists don't push people to do things they are not ready to do. Even stuff like abusing alcohol, porn or drugs. I sought treatment for my relationship issues several years ago. Right after, I ended it with my boyfriend. Nobody told me to do it, but I wanted to do it. I understood that to ever be in a healthy relationship, I had to develop a healthy relationship with myself first. And it worked. I am a completely different person now. It's like a miracle, but it was a lot of work and pain too. I think it's great you are still friends with him. Watching someone else heal and grow can be inspiring and motivating for you to set your own personal growth goals. Thanks, Cee It's definitely different than it was, even the "friends" part of it. I feel like we were such good friends before. We talked ALL of THE TIME! It's hard for me to understand why he barely wants to talk these days, but I'm trying. It's ESPECIALLY hard because I'm hoping he comes out of it having learned a lot liek you did, but still feeling the way he says he did before. Such a hard situation. I think things I said and some of our conversations actually PUSHED him in to therapy. ( I pointed out his committment issues because I recognized them- since I HAVE THEM). So it's good and bad...maybe. Thanks again.
Recommended Posts