olympus Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Please help me with good advice I'm in over my head. No need to insult me i know I'm f up. -Love my wife, but like a sister not as a wife. -Very unhappy but divorce will be hell (several house,suvs, boat etc) don't feel like dealing with the nightmare this is going to be or hurting her unless I've got no other solution. -Drink a lot, that cause me to have regular one night stand with other crew member, pilots or stewardess, I usually laught it off as just being drunk and don't think much of it. -I was stranded with the snow storm last week for 48H with a bunch of crewmember, had an out of control night at the hotel ( if the company would find out I would lose my job ) and had a one night stand with a captain from am other airline...the next day she texted me and want this to be more than a one time thing, so do I. But I did not tell her I was married and don't want my wife to find out. So I deleted my Facebook account, now what??? Home now and can't stop thinking of the OW
siuys Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 My gosh you are in a mess. Don't feel like dealing with the nightmare and hurting your wife? Wake up and smell the coffee! It will not get any better and you're dragging everyone in this crappy situation down with you! Sort your life out. Several houses, SUVs, boat? Give me a break. That is what you're concerned with? If you get into an affair with this OW life will be hell I can tell you already. It might feel good for a little while. You need to face up to your own reality, deal with your marriage - have the courage to either really work on it, or end it. Don't even contemplate having the affair. If you like this woman, look her up when you are out of your mess. You are living in denial and if you don't deal with it, it will come back and haunt you I promise. I am not insulting you, olympus, face up to your situation and deal with it. good luck.
Carrot2000 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 -Very unhappy but divorce will be hell (several house,suvs, boat etc) don't feel like dealing with the nightmare this is going to be or hurting her unless Olympus, you say divorce is hell,but it already sounds like you're living in hell. Your marriage is not the problem. Your infidelity is not the problem. Your excessive drinking is the problem. You may think you are unhappy in your marriage and that's why you drink, but I suspect there are other unresolved issues--perhaps depression--that cause you to drink heavily. You can't make a decision about anything until you are sober; your first course of action should be to seek help for your alcohol abuse as soon as humanly possible. If you don't deal with this issue you're going to end up alone--no wife, no OW, just a lonely series of ONS.
Heather1 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I agree, your drinking wil cause you to lose your job. A ONS that txt's you for more & you can't stop thinking about?? You're in deep doo doo, your choices are warped from drinking. If you don't follow that 8 hour rule, you can kiss your license goodbye. You just haven't been caught.
seren Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 (edited) You speak with your wife, you tell her how you feel she then has the opportunity to make an informed choice about her future, and gives her the opportunity to meet someone who will love and value her, not just as a friend. The boats, houses etc are just things, not at all important, unless having things of value instead of people are more important to you. I understand that marriages break down, if so, then you should be honest and decent enough to say so. Your actions affect your wife, whether she is aware of the A or ONS or not, the fact you are doing it repeatedly is, IMO, selfish, not to beat you up about it, but simply to state a fact. If your marriage is that bad, why are you even bothered about being caught? for things? people and their feelings are far more important than things or image. If you want a single life, then have the grace and decency to give your wife the information so that she can have a ball with whomever she chooses too. I have realised I am on the OW/OM board, so if this is not what you came for I apologise for posting on the wrong board. However, I do not apologise for what I have said, but realise you may have come here for support. Edited January 15, 2011 by seren clarity
pureinheart Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Please help me with good advice I'm in over my head. No need to insult me i know I'm f up. -Love my wife, but like a sister not as a wife. -Very unhappy but divorce will be hell (several house,suvs, boat etc) don't feel like dealing with the nightmare this is going to be or hurting her unless I've got no other solution. -Drink a lot, that cause me to have regular one night stand with other crew member, pilots or stewardess, I usually laught it off as just being drunk and don't think much of it. -I was stranded with the snow storm last week for 48H with a bunch of crewmember, had an out of control night at the hotel ( if the company would find out I would lose my job ) and had a one night stand with a captain from am other airline...the next day she texted me and want this to be more than a one time thing, so do I. But I did not tell her I was married and don't want my wife to find out. So I deleted my Facebook account, now what??? Home now and can't stop thinking of the OW ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) It sounds to me like your relationship with your wife isn't a real relationship. In your mind your single, it is the way my past relationship was, he could not see himself committed and wasn't. All I can say is your life may continue to get more complicated as more relationships are added, it could destroy you, and it sounds like your on a path of self destruction. It sounds like you want it to end (drinking, drama, etc.), lest you would not be posting. My past relationship did this for over 30 years and never had peace and still doesn't...nothing is ever enouph, he will never be satisfied...if you could, look into why you are not satisfied...you are successful, no money worries (unless you live above your means), and so on. What are you really looking for in life? Are you stressed out? is this a normal behavior for you? Or did this just start? Something at some point has gone horribly wrong and my heart goes out to you...please keep letting us know what's going on...k...
pureinheart Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I agree, your drinking wil cause you to lose your job. A ONS that txt's you for more & you can't stop thinking about?? You're in deep doo doo, your choices are warped from drinking. If you don't follow that 8 hour rule, you can kiss your license goodbye. You just haven't been caught. Most definitely (bold)...the drinking is an escape, although from what?
bentnotbroken Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Your wife is a person with feelings and needs. All you spoke of were the things in your life you didn't want to lose. :sick:You love and respect your things more than you do the woman you married. Stop drinking, get into counseling and man up. Give her the opportunity to live a life based on all the information...not just what you deem necessary for you to maintain your level of living...if you call what you do living.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Do you have really long layovers between flights? I thought testing for alcohol was SOP for pilots these days, and that alcohol stays in your system long enough to be detected in these tests? What do YOU think of your drinking patterns? If you lose your job AND your marriage due to your behaviors, it is going to be a heck of a lot worse than dealing with it proactively. If you don't want to be married to your wife anymore, please don't just stay and be a cheater because it's "easier." That's a cowardly way.
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