My EA fallout is hitting, my son is suicidal and my family is a mess.

[flowergirl77]

For those of you in an A...and especially those of you that have children, please do not do as I did and assume if the kids don't know the details-it should not hurt them! My 13 YO son has been a mess inside, and I have been too wrapped up in my own drama and pain.. severely depressed to see he is dying inside in his own hell.

He has seen my HB and I on the brink of D for over 9 months..and I had no real idea how much this was affecting him. He knows a little of what happened..I had an A, only b/c he overheard a conversation. I explained at the time, it was a friendship I developed with another man at work, whom I grew to care about. I did not know what else to say.

Anyways fast forward to now...he had an emotional breakdown last night because he has been holding in all his pain, insecurities and fears of his second family breaking up (my H is his stepfather) and seeing his Mom an emotional mess for so long. I have not been here for him..and I missed the signs.

He told us through hysterical sobbing last night he wants to die and has had thoughts of killing himself..and it was like a punch in the gut...reality hit. I need to saddle up and stop this insanity I have created. My son needs us to be the secure place he can fall, and we have been in so much turmoil we missed that my son is suffering big time.

I think I fell in love with my HB again lastnight when he scooped up my son like he used to when he was little, and held him tight while he cried. All 3 of us were crying. That was my wake up call..and I will not be C OM ever again. That is done, now I need to come back to my family.

[whichwayisup]

You all need to get to family counselling immediately and get him help. It's good he opened up, let it out.

[flowergirl77]

You all need to get to family counselling immediately and get him help. It's good he opened up, let it out.

 

Yes i have an appt for my son on Monday to see a councellor. I am on it. I know what is at risk. I am glad he told us... I will have my eyes on him believe me.

[ladydesigner]

Oh big hugs to you sweetie! Your post literally brought me to tears. Maybe find a family counselor that you can all go to. I hope the best for your stepson and your family and that all will be okay. This is why I would be willing to make ANYTHING work out for the kids if it is salvageable, and usually it is we just need to find it again. I do not agree with posters that say kids will adjust, most often they do not.

[flowergirl77]

Oh big hugs to you sweetie! Your post literally brought me to tears. Maybe find a family counselor that you can all go to. I hope the best for your stepson and your family and that all will be okay. This is why I would be willing to make ANYTHING work out for the kids if it is salvageable, and usually it is we just need to find it again. I do not agree with posters that say kids will adjust, most often they do not.

 

Thanks LD...he is my bio son, my H stepson. It is the worst thing a mother could ever hear from their child-I keep playing it over and over in my mind. If I think of OM..i immediately think of my son crying in my HB arms lastnight. Nothing could be more of a motivator to stay away! This is all that matters now, I have to try and save our family.

Yes I will find us a FC.. but for the immediate crisis, I have him going to see a child mental health worker...once he talks through some of what he has bottled inside, we can move on to FC. I just need to keep him safe right now.

[half_ofa_heart]

BIG HUGS to you and your family FG. I am praying you and your family find peace and love again. Take care of your family and YOU!

[ladydesigner]

Thanks LD...he is my bio son, my H stepson. It is the worst thing a mother could ever hear from their child-I keep playing it over and over in my mind. If I think of OM..i immediately think of my son crying in my HB arms lastnight. Nothing could be more of a motivator to stay away! This is all that matters now, I have to try and save our family.

Yes I will find us a FC.. but for the immediate crisis, I have him going to see a child mental health worker...once he talks through some of what he has bottled inside, we can move on to FC. I just need to keep him safe right now.

 

Ooops sorry I had the label wrong:o I wish your family the best! It sounds like you are taking all the right steps. Hold your son close tonight. I swear these affairs are just devastating. I am sick to my stomach about mine, still to this day, it is like a scar that never goes away.

[woinlove]

It's so sad to hear that your son is in such a bad state and I hope he will feel safe again soon. I have seen teens really hit hard by infidelity of a parent and consider them a particularly vulnerable age group. However, as others have said, you are doing all the right things now and good professionals should be able to help your son get back on more solid ground. I'm sure seeing your H and you operate as a team where your son's welfare is concerned will help a lot too.

[flowergirl77]

Thanks everyone for the kind words of encouragement. This was the wake up call I guess I needed to snap back into reality. This A has had an affect on so many aspects of my life...I never would have believed it..that an EA (no sex involved at all!!) could devastate so many lives in one swoop and create such madness. I am still reeling in the aftermath of all of this-and the remorse for what I have done is starting to hit home. I know what I have, and want to hold onto it for dear life..if it is not too late. My H is right there with me through it all...unwaivering. I am a lucky woman!

[xpaperxcutx]

Hopefully you and your Hubby get MC and work on the problems that made you guys grow apart. It's going to take extra effort on your part to make this work.

[pureinheart]

Awwww FG, ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

 

Like HofaH, my thoughts and prayers are with you too. I know all will be well with all of you.

[woinlove]

Thanks everyone for the kind words of encouragement. This was the wake up call I guess I needed to snap back into reality. This A has had an affect on so many aspects of my life...I never would have believed it..that an EA (no sex involved at all!!) could devastate so many lives in one swoop and create such madness. I am still reeling in the aftermath of all of this-and the remorse for what I have done is starting to hit home. I know what I have, and want to hold onto it for dear life..if it is not too late. My H is right there with me through it all...unwaivering. I am a lucky woman!

 

While sex is important, where your head and heart are at when it comes to family is critical. You do sound like a lucky woman. Your family has been through a lot, but I hope everyone heals well and that you will make your H a lucky man too.

[Fight4Me]

Thanks everyone for the kind words of encouragement. This was the wake up call I guess I needed to snap back into reality. This A has had an affect on so many aspects of my life...I never would have believed it..that an EA (no sex involved at all!!) could devastate so many lives in one swoop and create such madness. I am still reeling in the aftermath of all of this-and the remorse for what I have done is starting to hit home. I know what I have, and want to hold onto it for dear life..if it is not too late. My H is right there with me through it all...unwaivering. I am a lucky woman!

 

You are blessed, indeed, with a patient and wonderful husband. I agree that therapy for your son, combined with you and your H finally coming back together to solidify yourself as a team again (stronger than ever), will go very far in helping your son through this. My fWH and I both saw our second chance as a precious gift and an opportunity to fortify our marriage and family.

 

It's amazing how something like this can flip on the light switch within us and we are able to finally see that what we once thought was attractive is now distorted and nauseating. You will look back and be thankful you chose not to live like that any longer, not only for your BH's or son's sake, but for yours as well.

 

Praying for your son and marriage. I truly and sincerely wish you all the best. (((hugs)))

[lostandhopeful]

I think I fell in love with my HB again lastnight when he scooped up my son like he used to when he was little, and held him tight while he cried. All 3 of us were crying. That was my wake up call..and I will not be C OM ever again. That is done, now I need to come back to my family.

 

Hi FG,

 

I have been following your threads for a while now as it felt I was seeing myself in the words you were using from my previous EA. I am so happy that you are finding your way out of the fog, you are making steps in the right direction. A can be so devastating to families and can impact everyone that is close.

 

Now is the time to hold your family dear. Tell your husband what it meant for you that he scooped your son up, tell him a small part of you fell back in love with him. He needs to hear those things now more than ever. As hard as that might be, from my experience, it is so important. Now is also the time for action. Please don't just post on here things you want to do, actually do them.

 

Your family seems to have been through a lot. It is your time to pull it all together. I am proud of you for seeing things how they are and for trying to make the best of this situation for your family.

 

Blessings to you and hoping your family grows together.

[bentnotbroken]

God is a healing God...let him. I hate to see children in so much pain...it breaks my heart.

[BB07]

FG..........sometimes we have to hit the bottom before we can climb back up again.

 

I wish healing and future happiness for your family FG.