mo mo Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I think it is ridiculous that a lot of people are afraid of getting involved with super-attractive people for the fear of getting cheated on. I have heard about people doing that on this site, and I have experienced it firsthand myself. I met someone earlier this week and we hit it off. We are both single so we decided to set up a date for tomorrow night. However, she could not get over the fact I was single. She was all like "you're so attractive, and you DJ, I don't understand how you don't have girls all over you all the time"! and then she kept making comments about me "getting around". She tried to make it seem like she was toying with me but I wonder if she is really worried about that. I don't have it in me to cheat on someone. I just met this girl and we haven't gone on a date yet so we aren't exclusive anyway. I just thought it was odd that she would bring it up. It may be true that I do get a lot of attention from females, but I am very selective when it comes to actually courting them. That said, I know plenty of people that have some very unattractive qualities that jump on opportunities to cheat. Whether they are overweight, bald, unintelligent, etc. etc. they always look for someone else to hook up with, even if they are (supposedly) committed. I think the common trait those people have is they have some kind of insecurity. They lack strength of character and self-control. They turn to hooking up with as many people as they can and make a game out of it. One guy I know in particular has a steady girlfriend, a 2 year old son with her, and he tries to hook up with as many girls as he can. Then he tries to brag about it and make me feel bad about it, even though I never talk about my love life at work. There is one girl he tried to kick it to for a while (that rejected him) that was actually going out with me discreetly for a while, and he was going around telling people that those 2 had something going on, even though she never went out with him or even saw him outside of work. Another friend of mine feels like he missed out on random hookups in college and in high school, so now, at 30, he is playing "catch up". It is quite disgusting how he has resorted to treating women like objects now. He was not like that a few years ago. With me, I really don't feel the need to validate my existence or attractiveness. I like who I like and I pursue those I deem worthy. Cheating, IMO is one of the most selfish things you can do and there is never an excuse for it. I really don't think that people that are very attractive are more likely to cheat than people who are less attractive because of the experiences I have related above. It may in fact, be the total opposite.
SmileFace Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 So, you are trying to tell me - that unattractive( whatever unattractive means) people cheat as well? Who knew! Seriously people who think this make me want to "face desk"
Sanman Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 It is funny. People often feel insecure about those they deem very attractive because they feel as if those individuals have more opportunities. I, personally, become more concerned when someone exhibits a lack of impulse control in many areas of life. Those are the types, IMO, that are most likely to cheat. Some of the ugliest people I know cheat (or try to) while some of the most attractive do not.
Author mo mo Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 So, you are trying to tell me - that unattractive( whatever unattractive means) people cheat as well? Who knew! Seriously people who think this make me want to "face desk" Not just that, but that attractive people aren't necessarily more likely to cheat then less attractive people. Listen to some people on this site. They are worried about getting too close to people who they think are super attractive out of fear of losing them to someone else. My point is that they are running that same risk with people that aren't as attractive. In my opinion it is ridiculous to get paranoid when dating a really attractive person. Just because attractive people get more attention from the opposite sex does not mean they are going to jump at every opportunity given to them. Willingness to cheat comes from a flaw in a person's character.
Author mo mo Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 It is funny. People often feel insecure about those they deem very attractive because they feel as if those individuals have more opportunities. I, personally, become more concerned when someone exhibits a lack of impulse control in many areas of life. Those are the types, IMO, that are most likely to cheat. Some of the ugliest people I know cheat (or try to) while some of the most attractive do not. EXACTLY For instance, someone who is ugly but has a drinking or smoking problem is more likely to cheat than a really hot person who has neither of those problems.
sumdude Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 (edited) More attractive people simply have more opportunities to cheat. More temptations in other words. The moral ethical decision to do so exists regardless of someones attractiveness. Edited January 14, 2011 by sumdude
Author mo mo Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 More attractive people simply have more opportunities to cheat. More temptations in other words. The moral ethical decision to do so still exists. I agree, but just because that moral ethical decision exists does not imply that the person is always going to take advantage of those opportunities. Strength of character has much more to do with cheating.
sumdude Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 EXACTLY For instance, someone who is ugly but has a drinking or smoking problem is more likely to cheat than a really hot person who has neither of those problems. LOL really? Where are you getting this data from anyhow?
SmileFace Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Not just that, but that attractive people aren't necessarily more likely to cheat then less attractive people. Listen to some people on this site. They are worried about getting too close to people who they think are super attractive out of fear of losing them to someone else. My point is that they are running that same risk with people that aren't as attractive. In my opinion it is ridiculous to get paranoid when dating a really attractive person. Just because attractive people get more attention from the opposite sex does not mean they are going to jump at every opportunity given to them. Willingness to cheat comes from a flaw in a person's character. Sorry , it was meant as a tongue in cheek response. I agree with everything you said .I think it is preposterous that someone will think just because a person is attractive physically, that their are more likely to cheat. People who think like this must not think much of themselves.
Author mo mo Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 LOL really? Where are you getting this data from anyhow? There is no data, it's observation. the willingness to cheat is directly related to someone's impulsive nature. Someone who can control their impulses is less likely to cheat than someone who can't. It's simple logic.
Author mo mo Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 Sorry , it was meant as a tongue in cheek response. I agree with everything you said .I think it is preposterous that someone will think just because a person is attractive physically, that their are more likely to cheat. People who think like this must not think much of themselves. Ok fair enough. Unfortunately sarcasm doesn't work well with people you don't know on an online forum
SmileFace Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 EXACTLY For instance, someone who is ugly but has a drinking or smoking problem is more likely to cheat than a really hot person who has neither of those problems. umm , what?
sumdude Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 There is no data, it's observation. the willingness to cheat is directly related to someone's impulsive nature. Someone who can control their impulses is less likely to cheat than someone who can't. It's simple logic. Absolute conjecture is what it is. I know more than a couple smokers/drinkers who are the most trustworthy people I know in the world.
SmileFace Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Ok fair enough. Unfortunately sarcasm doesn't work well with people you don't know on an online forum Sorry - Sadly enough it doesn't work in my day to day life either. Must be my downfall.
Author mo mo Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 (edited) Absolute conjecture is what it is. I know more than a couple smokers/drinkers who are the most trustworthy people I know in the world. Are they alcoholics? Is the smoking so bad their health (and their loved ones health) is at serious risk? I said smoking and drinking problems. Problems meaning extreme cases. People who have smoking and drinking problems are impulsive and are not as trustworthy as people who don't. They have no self control. Cheaters are also people who are impulsive and lack self control. That is how I am making that connection. Edited January 14, 2011 by mo mo
SmileFace Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Are they alcoholics? Is the smoking so bad their health (and their loved ones health) is at serious risk? I said smoking and drinking problems. Problems meaning extreme cases. People who have smoking and drinking problems are impulsive and are not as trustworthy as people who don't. They have no self control. Cheaters are also people who are impulsive and lack self control. That is how I am making that connection. I am not making excueses for anyone. Yet I just don't see how cheating under the influence and cheating with a clear mind falls under the same catorgory. Please don't get me wrong cheating will hurt the person getting cheating on either way but I don't think it is the same.
Author mo mo Posted January 15, 2011 Author Posted January 15, 2011 I am not making excueses for anyone. Yet I just don't see how cheating under the influence and cheating with a clear mind falls under the same catorgory. Please don't get me wrong cheating will hurt the person getting cheating on either way but I don't think it is the same. My theory on cheaters revolves around strength of character, self-control, and impulsiveness. All I am saying is that a person who abuses drugs and alcohol has an established lack of self control. Attractive people who don't abuse such things and have a sense of self control are probably going to be more faithful than people who have an established lack of self control. Of course there is no data or anything, I am drawing a logical conclusion. Since we can agree that attractiveness has little to do with self control and that drug abuse has everything to do with self control, I thought we would all safely assume that drug abusers are more likely to cheat. But if you wanna disagree on the grounds of the lack of data, that's fine. My original point still stands though: attractiveness has little or nothing to do with a person's desire to cheat.
sumdude Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 My theory on cheaters revolves around strength of character, self-control, and impulsiveness. All I am saying is that a person who abuses drugs and alcohol has an established lack of self control. Attractive people who don't abuse such things and have a sense of self control are probably going to be more faithful than people who have an established lack of self control. Of course there is no data or anything, I am drawing a logical conclusion. Since we can agree that attractiveness has little to do with self control and that drug abuse has everything to do with self control, I thought we would all safely assume that drug abusers are more likely to cheat. But if you wanna disagree on the grounds of the lack of data, that's fine. My original point still stands though: attractiveness has little or nothing to do with a person's desire to cheat. Being under the influence may just expose a weakness that's already there. There was a time during my marriage when I was coping with some heavy life event badly and drinking to excess. Never once did I even come close to cheating on my ex. She however was generally sober and ended up being the cheater after she quit smoking. For all I know she may have had a buzz when it first happened but that is irrelevant. I have a very good friend who also has been known to put a few down. In his last two relationships he was the faithful one. One of the women was a party girl too as well as a cheater. So here you have some data points. The lack of self control in one department does not necessarily translate into other aspects of life. Someone can be an alcoholic yet not be a compulsive gambler, thief or heroin addict. So why would that mean they would also be a philanderer?
Mad Max Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Attractive people definitely have more options. But it comes down to one's upbringing. I would never cheat and have never had a problem resisting temptation. Some can't resist the temptation though.
hopesndreams Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 People that are needy/attention seeking, poor communicators and are unable to deal with stress are more prone to cheat. Does attractiveness play a part? It's possible with some. My ex cheating H was a very handsome man but I wasn't hit with the ugly stick and I am a faithful, honest and loving person.
Author mo mo Posted January 15, 2011 Author Posted January 15, 2011 People that are needy/attention seeking, poor communicators and are unable to deal with stress are more prone to cheat. Does attractiveness play a part? It's possible with some. My ex cheating H was a very handsome man but I wasn't hit with the ugly stick and I am a faithful, honest and loving person. The bolded is very interesting. I was recently involved with someone like that and she started doing some questionable things so I broke it off early. Sorry that happened to you though. I hope you learned a lot from that experience.
jenifer1972 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 People project many things onto good looking people - that we must be happier, luckier, less lonely , have an easier life, more opportunities for everything and that definitely ain't necessarily so..
hopesndreams Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 The bolded is very interesting. I was recently involved with someone like that and she started doing some questionable things so I broke it off early. Sorry that happened to you though. I hope you learned a lot from that experience. Almost 2 years later and still processing. It's wise to not waste time and energy on those with certain personality traits that make them more susceptible to cheating because if you do, you might fall in love with them and then you're doomed. I think that their neediness is a draw to those that are giving personalities. It comes down to opposities attract. There are the givers and takers in this world and if givers stuck to givers and didn't get sucked into takers they will save themselves heartbreak in the future. Also wanted to add a few other undesirable traits from a "potential" cheater. They are deathly afraid to be alone and look to others for their happiness. They tend to be superficial as well and not deep thinkers. It's all about them in the end and no one is able to make someone happy forever and those that love the ones that look to them for their happiness, should RUN. Do you love them more than they love you? That's the biggest red flag.
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