musemaj111 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 (edited) http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/why-men-are-more-romantic-than-women-2439559/ For a long time I have always wondered why the popular belief is that men are the unromantic gender. I mean as far as I know for millenia men have been the ones who write love songs, write love poems, buy gifts, bring flowers, try hard to be successful to prove their worth, put themselves in danger, created the concept of chivalry and other romantic things in their attempt to impress and show their love for a woman. In fact, the whole idea of romance traditionally is about men romancing women, not the other way around. However, despite all that strangely society still erroneously sees men as the unromantic sex. Edited January 14, 2011 by musemaj111
SarcasticBlonde Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/why-men-are-more-romantic-than-women-2439559/ For a long time I have always wondered why the popular belief is that men are the unromantic gender. I mean as far as I know for millenia men have been the ones who write love songs, write love poems, buy gifts, try hard to be successful to prove their worth, put themselves in danger, created the concept of chivalry and other romantic things in their attempt to impress and show their love for a woman. In fact, the whole idea of romance traditionally is about men romancing women, not the other way around. However, despite all that strangely society still erroneously sees men as the unromantic sex. Have to agree.
waynebrady Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Defenitley. Women never actually do any romantic things for the man... Mainly because women hate the idea of initiating things or even openly show intrest or love or affinity for their man.
Jazzari Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 If I sent a love poem or flowers, I have no doubt that I would be accused of trying to emasculate my man. Can you imagine if a man got flowers in an office setting? He'd probably be ragged on for weeks. Most men wouldn't appreciate it. Women (as the article pointed out) are more likely to express romance in terms of words instead of actions. The feeling is there on both sides. It's just the way its expressed that is different.
Enchanted Girl Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Defenitley. Women never actually do any romantic things for the man... Mainly because women hate the idea of initiating things or even openly show intrest or love or affinity for their man. They don't hate it actually. It's just unproductive. I do it less than I used to and that's because men lose interest in me faster if they aren't doing a lot of different things to "earn" me. If I try to earn them back as well, I seem too easy to get and have.
Woggle Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I see this as true as well. I don't know why because it never seems good enough for many women but it is true.
Kamille Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 So true! I'm glad researchers are finally debunking that myth. Every single guy I've been with has complained I'm not romantic enough. Not that I don't enjoy romance. I like the occasional roses and sweet gestures. It's just that bf is always in romantic mode, whereas sometimes I just want to be practical.
january2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Interesting. I wonder... If men fall in love quickly, do they also fall out of love quickly...and therefore are free to fall in love with the next woman and then the next one...thus continuing to spread themselves far and wide... Are women more practical because they have more to lose...if they get pregnant, have a baby, they still tend to be the primary caregivers until that child is old enough to fend for themselves and therefore they need to ensure they pick the right mate because their investment is greater... Hmmm...I feel a book tour coming on...
Woggle Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I still think men are the more "romantic"...well at least they are SUPPOSED to be...I've had guys tell me that they are just less likely to follow through on these things because nowadays, women have to prove they deserve it alot more than back in the day...in present time, a guy is more likely to think "if I do these nice things for her, she will just find a another guy and leave me, so why do it?"..IOW, many men don't trust women these days enough to invest that much...and who can blame them? One minute we complain that guys are not romantic enough, the next minute we complain that they are too nice/too involved. So if men don't know where the perfect medium is, I understand why We have evolved from the June Cleaver era to "I don't NEED a man to make ME happy" kind of attitude..so if men are less romantic, I think it's because of women changing over time that has taught them to be....extreme enough that now men think we WANT to be treated like doggy doo doo. AND since men are more this way, when we DO find a guy willing to lay the romance on thick, it freaks us out. Then we think why can't ____ be more like that?"...LOL. This is very true and I also find that women appreciate it much more when they know they earned it through their actions and not just because they happen to be born female. My wife sees a side of me that I doubt I will ever show another woman again and I can tell it means a lot to her. She also appreciates the fact that I will not hesitate to stop doing these things if she messed up. She can't just treat me whatever way she wants and expect me to still treat her like a queen. It doesn't work that way in my world.
carhill Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I did a journal on the topic, expanding upon the results of the test, and will add more regarding the 'differences' later.
Mad Max Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I still think men are the more "romantic"...well at least they are SUPPOSED to be...I've had guys tell me that they are just less likely to follow through on these things because nowadays, women have to prove they deserve it alot more than back in the day...in present time, a guy is more likely to think "if I do these nice things for her, she will just find a another guy and leave me, so why do it?"..IOW, many men don't trust women these days enough to invest that much...and who can blame them? One minute we complain that guys are not romantic enough, the next minute we complain that they are too nice/too involved. So if men don't know where the perfect medium is, I understand why We have evolved from the June Cleaver era to "I don't NEED a man to make ME happy" kind of attitude..so if men are less romantic, I think it's because of women changing over time that has taught them to be....extreme enough that now men think we WANT to be treated like doggy doo doo. AND since men are more this way, when we DO find a guy willing to lay the romance on thick, it freaks us out. Then we think why can't ____ be more like that?"...LOL. I agree. Not to be offensive, but you have to earn it. Romance and respect is not just handed. And considering many women will leave a man if he does it all in the beginning, she needs to earn it. Sorry, but that's just the way it is these days. In order to be treated like a lady, you have to act like one. And sadly, too many don't know how to act like one.
Eeyore79 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 They don't hate it actually. It's just unproductive. I do it less than I used to and that's because men lose interest in me faster if they aren't doing a lot of different things to "earn" me. If I try to earn them back as well, I seem too easy to get and have. I have to agree with this. I mostly stop myself from doing romantic things for men, because they like to be the pursuer, and if I'm making an effort to be romantic then they assume they've caught me and lose interest. Sure, I occasionally bake him a cake or give him a blow job, or maybe send an e-card, but anything more than that will turn him off. It's kinda sad really; I like being romantic, but I can't do it much because it turns guys off.
Woggle Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I have to agree with this. I mostly stop myself from doing romantic things for men, because they like to be the pursuer, and if I'm making an effort to be romantic then they assume they've caught me and lose interest. Sure, I occasionally bake him a cake or give him a blow job, or maybe send an e-card, but anything more than that will turn him off. It's kinda sad really; I like being romantic, but I can't do it much because it turns guys off. Where in the world did you hear. Men love when women do romantic things for us. If you constantly make him be the pursuer he will eventually get sick of it. Is this really the kind of relationship you prefer? I made the mistake of thinking I could never do anything for my wife because it will turn her off and she will lose attraction but then I thought about it and realized that any woman I want to be married to will appreciate those gestures and be willing to do the same for me. This power play approach will get men to chase you but will never get you a happy relationship.
AverageJoe Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Where in the world did you hear. Men love when women do romantic things for us. If you constantly make him be the pursuer he will eventually get sick of it. Is this really the kind of relationship you prefer? I made the mistake of thinking I could never do anything for my wife because it will turn her off and she will lose attraction but then I thought about it and realized that any woman I want to be married to will appreciate those gestures and be willing to do the same for me. This power play approach will get men to chase you but will never get you a happy relationship. On point, Woggle. Well said.
northern_sky Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 In my observation men tend to fall faster, but their emotions run less deep. In other words, their feelings are more based on infatuation than really knowing the person. For this reason they are more prone to "unrequited love," but they have more trouble giving and committing in a long term relationship once the honeymoon feelings fade. Women take longer to fall in love, but when they do it means something because it's not just infatuation.
Author musemaj111 Posted January 15, 2011 Author Posted January 15, 2011 If I sent a love poem or flowers, I have no doubt that I would be accused of trying to emasculate my man. Can you imagine if a man got flowers in an office setting? He'd probably be ragged on for weeks. Most men wouldn't appreciate it. Women (as the article pointed out) are more likely to express romance in terms of words instead of actions. The feeling is there on both sides. It's just the way its expressed that is different. Which one speaks louder words or actions?
Jazzari Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Which one speaks louder words or actions? I think it depends on the person receiving. But in general, I think women like to hear words and men relate better to actions. Which can cause problems since they tend to give the same thing they like. Have you ever heard of the 5 Love Languages? It's very interesting and even if you don't read the book you can take the online quiz. It's extremely helpful to find out how to show your mate that you love them. http://www.afo.net/hftw-lovetest.asp I scored a perfect 12 for "Touch" and a 1 for "Gifts". That would be very important for my partner to know.
northern_sky Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 (edited) Just to expand on this a bit... I've known many guys who will fall hard and fast for a girl they barely know or are just getting to know. Usually they speak about her in glowy, perfect terms, quite removed from how she actually is. But many of these guys have a hard time dealing with actual intimacy. They will run when it comes to commitment, or start neglecting their girlfriends until she dumps them in frustration. Not saying this is true for all men, it's just a certain type with whom I'm quite familiar. You see it with a lot of young men especially. On OKCupid one of the questions they ask is how you perceive unrequited love. The possible answers: "romantic," "foolish" or "creepy." I know a bunch of people in real life who have profiles up on the site, and began to notice a strange phenomenon. All of the guys I knew picked "romantic," but these same guys were terrible boyfriends who couldn't commit. Men also tend to fall for superficial stuff: looks, popularity, surface charm. The study reflects this, as men are hard-wired to link visuals with emotions. Women will often favor men who meet their superficial desires, but I think they ultimately fall in love with deeper qualities. The classic examples of how men experience infatuation are The Great Gatsby and Great Expectations. In both novels the protagonists spend their lives trying to win over vapid bitches. My ex was a guy like this. He fell for me too fast. Then he dumped me out of the blue and within months was in love with another girl he had only known for a few weeks. After my heart was broken by him, I will never view "romance" the same. That's not to say women can't feel infatuation or all men are guilty of this crap. In fact there was a time when I thought unrequited love was romantic too. But at this point I am incredibly skeptical of men who claim to believe in love at first sight, soul mates, etc. I think this is why women are perceived to be less romantic. They have seen the darker side of infatuation and understand that the romance associated with it doesn't mean much. There's my cynical, incredibly unromantic take. Edited January 15, 2011 by northern_sky
waynebrady Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 In my observation men tend to fall faster, but their emotions run less deep. In other words, their feelings are more based on infatuation than really knowing the person. For this reason they are more prone to "unrequited love," but they have more trouble giving and committing in a long term relationship once the honeymoon feelings fade. Women take longer to fall in love, but when they do it means something because it's not just infatuation. In all relationships, all marriages. The man is always the one who loves more. It's always the man who loves the woman more than the woman loves the man. So I don't get why you say men's emotions run less deep and it's more based on infatuation... Men get alot more attached and loves alot more.... Most women even want the man to love her alot more than she loves him. This has been confirmed over and over again, I have seen several women say it.
northern_sky Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 In all relationships, all marriages. The man is always the one who loves more. It's always the man who loves the woman more than the woman loves the man. So I don't get why you say men's emotions run less deep and it's more based on infatuation... Men get alot more attached and loves alot more.... Most women even want the man to love her alot more than she loves him. This has been confirmed over and over again, I have seen several women say it. blahblabhblaihatewomenblahhhhhh
AverageJoe Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 blahblabhblaihatewomenblahhhhhh Well, I am convinced. Nothing else to see here. /thread
Woggle Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Many women also fall for the unrequited love thing as well. What do you call women who chase after married men or ones who chase after a player who will never commit? It is not gender specific.
northern_sky Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Many women also fall for the unrequited love thing as well. What do you call women who chase after married men or ones who chase after a player who will never commit? It is not gender specific. I realize that, and I alluded to that in my post, but ime men are on average more prone to unrequited love. Whenever I see a thread on here titled something like "I'm in love with my best friend" or "I'm still pining over my ex" it's almost invariably written by a guy. It's not just on LS. This is something I've definitely observed to be true in real life.
Enchanted Girl Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Where in the world did you hear. Men love when women do romantic things for us. If you constantly make him be the pursuer he will eventually get sick of it. Is this really the kind of relationship you prefer? I made the mistake of thinking I could never do anything for my wife because it will turn her off and she will lose attraction but then I thought about it and realized that any woman I want to be married to will appreciate those gestures and be willing to do the same for me. This power play approach will get men to chase you but will never get you a happy relationship. I like what you just said actually, but eeyore was agreeing with me and my view of things, so I am going to respond to this, too. From the ages of 13-19, no men ever liked me at all. I asked them out sometimes and was very eager to please them. They all turned their noses up at me. And talked about how none of them could respect me. I didn't do it with all guys though. Just the ones I had a crush on. I got my first boyfriend at 19 and dated him for years. I used to sing to him and write him poetry and compliment him every day and never miss a special day. He always talked to me about how desperate I was to please him and how clingy I was. After he broke-up with me, I went "screw all of that" and all of a sudden I had 6 men pursuing me and now my ex is begging for me back, now that he realizes how I'm not actually desperate at all. We're not saying we won't do ANYTHING nice for a man, we just do less, because otherwise I get taken for granted and broken up with like I was before.
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