dest Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I am too exhausted to seek clarification from bf/exbf that we are indeed over. I have a feeling he didn't mean it but that it was a control tactic. Why do I have to be the one to initiate convo about it... Well, I don't feel I am. He has abused his words so often in the past leaving up from down and down from up. I can't take it anymore. This time I AM taking his word for it and he must be responsible for saying: "Start dis-attaching yourself from me." And "Let me make this very clear, I will never marry you. You don't fit in with my family." That was 2 weeks ago. Then he suggested I stay at my sister's house for a few weeks since I'm going to visit her for just a week... He said I'll have my books and I'm doing an online class I might as well stay there for a few weeks. Safe to assume that yes he meant it and its over? I'm trying to do just what he said and start di-attaching myself from him. But I know him well he will act shocked and it will be all my fault that I am leaving him trying to turn it around on him. He never stops to think of my feelings or trying to kindly speak with me even if its a breakup. If he didn't mean it HE should be the one to initiate conversation on that right? I can't take his games anymore. It's killing me, quite literally.
TaraMaiden Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Sounds like a narcissist. Go No Contact and absolutely stick to it. The guy is a jerk, and really, playing head-games is not healthy. Read my 'Caliguy' Signature, and really, really 100% stick to it, 100% of the time..... Refuse all calls from him, do not pick up, do not answer texts, emails or messages, and delete him from FB. if you're on there, change your status to 'single' and 'looking for friendship'. Shut him out and blank him off at every turn. Show him that you completely and totally accept that he really means it. And show him, you do too. You go gurl!!!
Author dest Posted January 15, 2011 Author Posted January 15, 2011 its so painful. the biggest mind trip is coming and i will have to listen to his games once again for the ultimate confrontation that he didn't really say that or mean it. i am literally nauseated about the mental trauma he puts me through on a regular basis. i need out. im just going to avoid any conversation with him, go on my trip, make my plan to move out. what disgusts me the most is i've been here before with him. it is my fault that i expected any different. i trusted him, blindly had faith when i shouldnt have. your quote in your siggy is spot on. i know it understand it and will never give anyone benefit of the doubt again
TaraMaiden Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 It only hurts more if you let it. You know what he's like. You know his methodology, you can predict (more or less) the type of things he will say, and how he will say them. So armed with this knowledge, there is no need to give in to these feelings. You have to take your power back. if you know things are the way they are - change who you are. Him? Can't change him, can you? You? Oh, plenty of stuff you can do. Why despair? This is it. Freedom. Liberty to break out of this crappy cycle. Time to take your life back. Time to rediscover the person you can be. So be that person. And take back your power, and live again. Like taking a restrictive belt off from around your chest, that impedes your breathing, release yourself from this stifling, suffocating situation, and take a deep breath. Fer chrissakes, who the hell is he anyway, to exert so much control over you? He's nothing! Nobody! What control can he exert over you, if you just refuse to be held any more??
Author dest Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 Thank you so much. This is exactly what I needed to hear.
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