fiat500 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 were the feelings ever really there to begin with? was everything just a lie? Why look at someone that you no longer love as if they're subhuman filth? What have they done to make you think of them with indifference and disgust? Just wondering.
marqueemoon4 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 most people who "fall out of love" had no idea what love was in the first place. Not saying I'm an expert on it either.
Author fiat500 Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 I agree. But why treat a person like sh#t afterward
marqueemoon4 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I agree. But why treat a person like sh#t afterward I never have. Once I "love" someone it takes a lot for me to become hateful or indifferent to them. I'm going through it now.. separated, wife left in May, 4yr old son, everytime I see her she treats me with complete contempt. Not only does she not love me, she doesn't even like me. I hurt her alot I guess over 8yrs, and she hurt me a lot too. Difference is she was the one who left, doesn't care, and has everything to gain so she thinks. She is under the impression she is better off now, and maybe she is. Basically its just bitterness and anger. Also she doesn't want to be nice to me because she thinks I'll take the wrong way or something. At the end of the day, marriage is pretty much all or nothing, although I never got "all" from her.
TheUnthoughtKnown Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I agree. But why treat a person like sh#t afterward I think it's more complicated than "maybe they never had feelings in the first place" I mean it is of course possible it wasn't love that drove them towards you but maybe lust or some other factor you may not have considered. But let's say it was love... Any number of reasons could explain their decision. It's always important to remember that, even though there is one dumper and one dumpee, there are always two people hurt in a break up. I don't think anyone wants to have a bad break up, even if you want out of the relationship. It's human nature to want acceptance and validity. Especially in our increasingly socially driven culture, what with social networks like the dreaded Facebook and Twitter becoming more and more of a necessity in order to keep up to date with the world. So an argument will cause both parties to be angry and hurt, therefore it's reasonable to say that anger and resentment is part and parcel of the whole break up experience on both sides. My ex hates me. Seriously. I mean, she broke up with me over something I would consider small and unimportant in the face of something as strong and meaningful as the relationship we shared. But I was wrong. So she dumped me, and I'm the bad guy. An it's that way for so many people. They wouldn't have wanted to be dumped but yet they are, some deserve it, others don't, and they have to swallow that pill and move on and accept that even the dumper is entitled to be angry and hurt, no matter who did the breaking up.
Jdw_Icequeen Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I can't wait to feel indifferent.. I tell myself why waste my tears and thoughts on someone who dosen't do the same in return. Not that I can pretend to know how he really feels. If he is treating you like crud. In my opinion he is trying to push you away for whatever reasons. Being angry with you and trying to get you to be angry in return just gets him to reconfirm the decision to break up was right.. Don't feed into it. Don't fight with him be the bigger person. If you have no children or finacial ties.. You really have no reason to deal with his bs at all..
january2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I believe that you can fall out of love with someone and that the temporal nature of your feelings does not negate what you feel and whether or not you are allowed to call it love. I don't think that what you felt was a lie if you fall out of love with someone. In my opinion, we undermine ourselves if we say that it was a lie. I do think that many of us feel the need to find a way to cope with our feelings and thus we swing towards hatred, disgust and indifference in order to make sense of the bad outcomes from having loved and lost. Thus our (intense) positive feelings become (intense) negative feelings.
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