Really having a tough time, very long story, greatly appreciate your input

[eyyoguy24]

Hey everyone...Been having a pretty tough time for about 6 weeks now. Have been scanning these boards, which has definitely helped, and thank you everyone for that! I've wanted to post my story but haven't because I felt like it would be too long if I wrote everything I wanted to, but I'm still having some pretty tough days so figured I'd give it a shot.

 

I understand if you don't want to take the time to read all this, but for anyone who can give me some advice, I'd appreciate it so much. Thanks again to all of you.

 

So I met this girl in July of 2009. She was 17, I was 19. (I'm 20 now, she's 19) I met her online through a friend. We talked a lot before we started hanging out, so we kind of jumped right into thing. We never really had that getting to know each other period with those kind of dates...we kind of were already officially together and very intimate from the second time we saw each other after meeting. No matter what we would do, we would always mess around. If we went to the movies, we'd go back to the car...She'd come over during the day when no one was home. She did live an hour away so we didn't get to see each other as much as I wanted, but did between 1-2 times a week, sometimes 3.

 

Things continued going extremely well into this summer. We went to the beach together...Her birthday was in September, we went to the beach together. Things were amazing and perfect until the end of September.

 

**Background. This was my first real relationship, she was my first time and everything. I'm kind of a worrier and I try to be responsible, so I always had a fear of getting her pregnant even though we were real careful. We had a scare around August that was probably caused by my worrying, and ever since then I had kind of become paranoid about stuff when that time of the month came around. I didn't think it bothered her, but looking back, maybe it did.

 

Flash forward to end of September. She started taking birth control. (for her body, not necessarily for protection) This also coincided to when she moved back to college, which is like 10 minutes away from where I work, so here I am thinking we were finally going to see each other more and have some privacy.

 

Well, the BC totally changed her. She never wanted to mess around anymore or do stuff, even when I went to see her at school and we were all alone. She always had headaches...went to the doctors like 5 times in 2 weeks, they kept telling her it was allergies. So, back to me being a worrier...I have a tendancy to look medical things up online, always been a problem of mine, although I've controlled it very well in recent years. Well, I looked up her BC, and apparently it causes everything that was going on with her. Fast forward......I kept sending her stuff, showing her reviews, and she kept saying give it time, or she was making excuses saying she's just changed, doesn't always want to mess around (which is FINE with me, obviously, but when it got to the point to where we had sex once in 2 months, I pretty much was trying to get her to realize that the pill was effecting her)

 

We also had a bit of a scare with regards to some other effects of the BC...won't get into too many details. She indicated she was a bit worried, I kind of freaked out until I realized it was normal with people on the pill, then I was OK, but still worried a bit until her period came because what was happening to her was very similiar to someone who was pregnant.

 

Fast forward to end of November.....She's still acting this way. When we go on dates, she just wants to sleep. Doesn't even want to really kiss me. I was having a hard time with it. I was fine with giving her time, but just wanted her to realize what she was being like this because of the BC. Looking back, I shouldn't have been pushy, but I just wanted her to look into it. She is so chill about stuff it's like she didn't care that she was acting this way.

 

We were talking about this a bit, and I think she got frustrated and started acting weird. Then she must have fell asleep, but I felt she was ignoring me. We always had this thing where we would call and wake each other up if we wanted to. Well, I kind of freaked, because I felt bad that night that I was pushing her and realized that I needed to just let her figure things out for herself. So, I called her alot, like 30 times. I sent her FB messages and called her friends asking what was wrong with her. I wasn't used to her acting that weird.

 

I know...very clingy. All the wrong moves. I get that now, I really do. But then, I was confused because I didn't know why someone I was with for 17 months wouldn't pick up a call or answer a text.

 

So this was November 26th-27th. Next day she says she was sleeping (I still question that, but whatever) but she's acting weird. One word answers. No smiley faces. You know when you know a girl is acting different.

 

Doesn't want to see me. Says she needs some time to figure things out and get over things. Says she's confused. So November 29th starts the week. Things suck until Thursday, when she finally shows some emotion. Says she's so sorry she's hurting me but she don't know what her brain is telling her half the time. She texts me Friday like she usually does. Saturday she didn't text me, so I text her asking if she was ok since I had talked to her everyday for so long. She says she was waiting to see if I was going to text her first. That pissed me off because she said she wanted space, so we argued alot that night. The next day, we argued again, with her ending the day saying she needed a break from seeing me, but still wanted to be together. I said OK, but not promising anything. So this was Sunday night.

 

The next week, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday she texts me first. (Wednesday we argued a bit, said she thought she needed a month to get over things...I finally agreed with everything and said sorry I've been acting crazy, just wanted things to work out, but now I need time to think too) Thursday she said "Babe I know things suck but I Just want you to know that I love you and I Hope things eventually work out." Friday I don't text her, only reply to her messages. (Also during that week, she said that she stopped taking the BC, said she thought I'd be proud)

 

That night after I stopped talking she text me "Babe IDK how you feel about me or us anymore but I love you and I just want things to work out. If you don't want to I understand because I've been so unfair and you don't need to be with someone like that. If you don't want to just tell me but I just want things to be ok with us again. I thought I needed a month but I think of you with other girls and I just cry because I don't wanna lose you after all this time" She said she had been crying alot, was all cried out, etc etc.

 

So, of course, I got excited, jumped the gun. Saturday we talked, were going to see each other Monday, but I could tell she was just doing it so she didn't lose me for good. She wasn't acting right and I could tell she wasn't her happy self. Sunday she said she couldn't hang out, and I could tell she wasn't right. We agreed we couldn't just wake up and forget about everything, but that we'd try.

 

Well, Monday we played the texting but not like we usually did as a couple game, and I couldn't take it anymore. Tuesday I told her we needed to be done, that I couldn't take it. She was very upset, said she didn't want to say goodbye, said she wouldn't be okay for a while. etc etc.

 

So we didn't talk Tuesday, and I'm thinking to myself, wtf are we doing? If I want to be with her, and she's saying that stuff, why don't we give it a try?

 

So, called her Tuesday night, sent her messages, she was sleeping...Wednesday (Dec 15th) wasn't right and we have barely talked since. The 16th was the first day in 17 months that we didn't talk. We didn't talk over Cmas or Cmas Eve...she kept saying she needed time. So the 28th I text her and told her something I saw on her facebook that upset me (we had each others FB passwords) and she got mad, said she couldn't handle the immature stuff that happened in our relationship (she mentioned "worrying. the constant talking. obsessing over stuff. calling my friends asking if I'm ok. getting on my fb. the millions of messages when I don't want to talk." that she couldn't do it anymore and didn't want to be together. I responded "okay" and I haven't talked to her since.

 

Keep in mind, the constant talking occurred after the started questioning our relationship. I think it's only natural to want to resolve issues with someone you've been dating for 17 months...especially when it's the firs real tough spot we had been through. I realize I should have maybe given her space, but my first reaction, since this was my first relationship thus first time experiencing, was to try to get through to her.

 

The girl that was my everything for 17 months talked to me on the phone 3 times over that whole 5 week stretch, and broke up with me over a text.

 

She is the nicest and most caring girl I have ever met. I cannot believe she can live with herself doing that. She said that she couldn't do the talking anymore. I admit, we talked so much over fb and through text about this, but I kept talking to her because all I wanted was to meet her face to face to talk about this. And she would not do it! So obviously, this couldn't be resolved through texts, and it was very stressful. I know it sounds like she's immature and you will say, you shouldn't be with someone who wouldn't see me face to face, but she's really not like that, at least I didn't think she was.

 

So, it's been 17 days since that night when she ended it, and I've stuck to NC. I can't resist looking at her FB though. Don't wanna delete her as it provides an outlet for her to ever get back in contact with me. She deleted her old myspace page which had a bunch of comments from me when we were sending cute stuff back and forth...She also deleted my birthday message to her on her FB, but we are still friends.

 

IDK, I feel like I pushed her too much and maybe she's someone that doesn't like talking about thins, but I had no way of knowing that since issues never came up before.

 

Let me stress that things were perfect. We never argued once during the whole relationship until the dumb stuff came up.

 

Any advice you guys can give me is so appreciated. Should I stick to NC? Will she ever contact me again in your opinion? How can she be OK with never talking to me or seeing me again? Should I delete her from FB? (I can't resist looking at her stuff, and when I do it puts me back a bit)

Edited January 14, 2011 by eyyoguy24

[D78]

... Should I stick to NC?

 

Yes, definitely.

 

Will she ever contact me again in your opinion?

 

I don't know, but if you don't go NC the answer is probably no.

 

How can she be OK with never talking to me or seeing me again?

 

In all fairness, she asked for a break, she asked to get back together, you broke up with her, you got back together with her, and then she broke up with you.

 

You called her 30 times in one day, and then started to call her friends. I know it's not cool that she didn't discuss the fact that this bothered her.

 

You logged onto her FB using her password and user name.

 

Do you really want to be in this relationship? It seems like a lot of drama. You say she is the sweetest girl, but in the prior sentence you say she broke up with you via text message. These 2 sentences don't jive. Plus, it's irrational to think that if someone doesn't pick up the phone or return your call immediately that there is something wrong and you need to call that person's friends.

 

You might take some time to think about things. That way, if you get back together with her, or if meet someone new you can avoid making the same mistakes.

 

Should I delete her from FB? (I can't resist looking at her stuff, and when I do it puts me back a bit)

 

YES! It will feel good to start getting over it.