Dante311 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Ok, for those of you that know my situation - this is for you. For those that don't, this is entirely complicated. I'm curious... I've always come back to this. She tells me she wants to be with me, she doesn't see herself as single, she really likes me, she is comfortable with me (ie being naked around me and kissing me regularly IS kind of a big deal to her b/c she doesn't do that with just anyone). She just texted me (b/c I asked her this morning about it and apologized for getting upset b/c she doesn't know what to respond to my question) asking forgiveness for getting upset... She has a lot of hookups from the beginning of the semester... 2-3 I believe as rebounds when she was rebounding from her ex that she loves so much. Her past doesn't scare me... she knows that if she ****s up, it's over.. and that's kept her in check so far. I told her I'm confident in myself enough that I'm ok with her going out with her friends etc, etc... b/c her ex she loves (recent) wasn't.... But... Her facebook status still says "SINGLE". I've told her I'm not asking her to be "In a Relationship" with me on FB... but at least remove the single??? It's basically telling everyone she's open & free; even the guys she's hooked up with in the past. I've yelled at her about texting them while she was in bed with me ... b/c she's done it. Should I be that concerned about a facebook status given people do take facebook somewhat seriously???
GivenUp0083 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 (edited) Dude, you need to separate yourself a little bit from her. She likes you and everything, but she's cleary not THAT into you. Let's go over what you just told us... 1. She still oves her ex 2. She's slept around with other dudes in the last couple months 3. Her facebook says Single Are you not getting what's going on? You're a rebound dude. You're trying to "claim" her and have this fear that she's open game for any guy who wants to hook up with her. Why are you worried about this? Because deep down you know she's not committed to you and that if given the opportunity she would hook up with another guy if you weren't there. She's not your GF and she's not doing anything to let you know that she only wants you. She talks about loving her ex for christ's sake. Her sexual past is somewhat irrelevant, but you can't help but factor it into where she's at in her life, and it doesn't sound like she's in relationship mode like you are. If you're in college, stop trying to make things so serious, just go with it, enjoy your time there, party, study, have fun, meet other girls!! Edited January 14, 2011 by GivenUp0083
oaks Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I'm curious... I've always come back to this. She tells me she wants to be with me, she doesn't see herself as single But... Her facebook status still says "SINGLE". You're going to have to talk to her to get to the bottom of this. Her words and actions don't match up. Call her out on it. If she insists that she doesn't see herself as single then ask her directly if she'll remove that from Facebook, and if not then ask her why not. Or if she is single and is just dating you then make sure you're both clear about that and what it means.
Hannah86 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 You're right to be concerned. Run away FAST from her. She doesn't want to be with you. For me, when I was single, if I hooked up with a guy, I would have LOVED for him to want me to be in a relationship with him, and I would have taken down the single if he asked me to. Girls LOVE labels, no exceptions. She might be using you to make her ex jealous. She uses you for the attention, the cuddle, and the kiss because she is used to it. Don't let her use you anymore! Cut her off. Another note: once you cut her off, cut her off HARD. No calls, no nothing, She will beg for you to come back in her life, then at that point, ask her to take down the status. Do not touch her unless she takes down the status.
Author Dante311 Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 You're right to be concerned. Run away FAST from her. She doesn't want to be with you. For me, when I was single, if I hooked up with a guy, I would have LOVED for him to want me to be in a relationship with him, and I would have taken down the single if he asked me to. Girls LOVE labels, no exceptions. She might be using you to make her ex jealous. She uses you for the attention, the cuddle, and the kiss because she is used to it. Don't let her use you anymore! Cut her off. Another note: once you cut her off, cut her off HARD. No calls, no nothing, She will beg for you to come back in her life, then at that point, ask her to take down the status. Do not touch her unless she takes down the status. To Oaks, the girl and I are dating exclusively... she went down on an ex the night before we became exclusive... she apologized, regretted it, and as noble as it was to be honest... it bothered me. That's not a great way to start something off. I dumped her. SHe begged for me back.. I told her I can't demand exclusivity from you.... and she jumped on that wanting exclusivity with me. I just don't know... she knows her and her ex are not getting back together. I think I may just dump her and see what happens. it's bugging the **** out of me. if she wanted us, she would remove the single status b/c she knows it bothers me. it shouldn't, but because of how rocky we started,it does.... I told her actions speak louder to me than her words.
GivenUp0083 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 To Oaks, the girl and I are dating exclusively... she went down on an ex the night before we became exclusive... she apologized, regretted it, and as noble as it was to be honest... it bothered me. That's not a great way to start something off. I dumped her. SHe begged for me back.. I told her I can't demand exclusivity from you.... and she jumped on that wanting exclusivity with me. I just don't know... she knows her and her ex are not getting back together. I think I may just dump her and see what happens. it's bugging the **** out of me. if she wanted us, she would remove the single status b/c she knows it bothers me. it shouldn't, but because of how rocky we started,it does.... I told her actions speak louder to me than her words. There's two of you?
Hannah86 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I just don't know... she knows her and her ex are not getting back together. I think I may just dump her and see what happens. it's bugging the **** out of me. if she wanted us, she would remove the single status b/c she knows it bothers me. it shouldn't, but because of how rocky we started,it does.... I told her actions speak louder to me than her words. Stop making excuses for her. If she wants exclusivity with you, she would take off the single part. She considers herself single and clearly wants it that way.
collegeguy_24 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Dude, facebook is not a big deal, its just a website. I am dating someone and I'm still listed as single. Then thing you should be more concerned about is that your GF is texting dudes she's slept with while with you. Just by reading this thread, I think your priorities are in reverse,
GivenUp0083 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Dude, facebook is not a big deal, its just a website. I am dating someone and I'm still listed as single. Then thing you should be more concerned about is that your GF is texting dudes she's slept with while with you. Just by reading this thread, I think your priorities are in reverse, Exactly. Even if she turns her facebook status to "In a relationship with YOU" but she's giving head to random dudes on campus I'm sure you'll feel a lot worse. Separate yourself from her. If she likes you watch her come crawlin...if not then you have your answer.
Billy_Boy Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 To Oaks, the girl and I are dating exclusively... she went down on an ex the night before we became exclusive... she apologized, regretted it, and as noble as it was to be honest... it bothered me. That's not a great way to start something off. I dumped her. SHe begged for me back.. I told her I can't demand exclusivity from you.... and she jumped on that wanting exclusivity with me. I just don't know... she knows her and her ex are not getting back together. I think I may just dump her and see what happens. it's bugging the **** out of me. if she wanted us, she would remove the single status b/c she knows it bothers me. it shouldn't, but because of how rocky we started,it does.... I told her actions speak louder to me than her words. You can just keep her in the loop and get your options back up, no need to burn a bridge, just dont let yourself fall for her. Do you.
SarcasticBlonde Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Ok, for those of you that know my situation - this is for you. For those that don't, this is entirely complicated. I'm curious... I've always come back to this. She tells me she wants to be with me, she doesn't see herself as single, she really likes me, she is comfortable with me (ie being naked around me and kissing me regularly IS kind of a big deal to her b/c she doesn't do that with just anyone). She just texted me (b/c I asked her this morning about it and apologized for getting upset b/c she doesn't know what to respond to my question) asking forgiveness for getting upset... She has a lot of hookups from the beginning of the semester... 2-3 I believe as rebounds when she was rebounding from her ex that she loves so much. Her past doesn't scare me... she knows that if she ****s up, it's over.. and that's kept her in check so far. I told her I'm confident in myself enough that I'm ok with her going out with her friends etc, etc... b/c her ex she loves (recent) wasn't.... But... Her facebook status still says "SINGLE". I've told her I'm not asking her to be "In a Relationship" with me on FB... but at least remove the single??? It's basically telling everyone she's open & free; even the guys she's hooked up with in the past. I've yelled at her about texting them while she was in bed with me ... b/c she's done it. Should I be that concerned about a facebook status given people do take facebook somewhat seriously??? What is it with people thinking a facebook status is so important. Is that what makes your relationship with her? Why not just ask her? Maybe I'm the exception, but I don't use social networking sites. I prefer to spend time with friends in person. The internet has made things so impersonal. Such a waste of time, IMO.
Stung Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 My facebook relationship status was blank until we got engaged, even though we lived together. My husband's status was blank until we were actually married. However, blank status =/ "single" status, IMO. And my husband and I were long-term together already when we first got FB accounts and everybody we knew already knew that, so we didn't take FB particularly seriously or consider it a way of broadcasting our status or intent. Obviously a different situation. I have read a few of your threads. While I don't take FB too seriously in general, in your case, I believe this girl's refusal to change her status is not indicative of an oversight, or a fundamental lack of giving a sh*t about facebook--I believe that in this situation it IS indicative of her lack of commitment to you. Dante, I wish you could step back and get some objectivity on your situation. If you were my brother, or friend, or son, I would want to slap some sense into you. She is NOT emotionally invested the way you are. Her heart is somewhere else and her fidelity is dubious at best. THIS GIRL IS NO GOOD FOR YOU. She's a dangerous, rickety, poorly-built roller coaster ride. There simply is no future with her that bodes well for you, for your inner peace, contentment and security. Removing yourself from a painful situation is not as easy as it looks, when your heart is involved. I know you want dark lenses to be lifted from her eyes so she suddenly sees you clearly, you want her to become more than she actually is, you want a Hollywood ending. I get that, and like many others I have been there myself. But personal growth and even self-preservation often involve doing the hard thing.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 LMFAO!!!!!!!!! okay... so she admits to taking some dudes meat in her mouth the night before you two become "exclusive" and you're more concerned that she hasn't checked a box on a website... wow. you need to feel this one. this will be an excellent lesson for you moving forward. trust me, the odds of you taking 1% worth of the good advice you've already been given are way worse than your "girlfriend" removing her Single status... we call this "youth". I was probably twice as foolish as you're being currently. just be sure to strap yourself in, cause you're in for some heart break, kiddo. all a part of the process though. God speed & we'll be here for you on the other side. p.s. always use a condom. this lesson ain't worth learning if you mess around and catch something from her.
Author Dante311 Posted January 15, 2011 Author Posted January 15, 2011 I'm trying to withdraw myself emotionally before I do anything further. I'm totally expecting this to fail. The thing I want to try is the suggestion of breaking it off; until she can give me more of a commitment... it's hard, I know... I'm the one going through it thanks for all the feedback tho
Stung Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Honestly, pussyfooting around trying to keep her close to you even though you tell yourself you know it's doomed is not doing yourself any favors. You'd be better off breaking it off sharp and swift, like ripping off a bandaid.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Is she on FB 24/7? Is her profile open to the public? How many friends does she have? Do men outnumber women? If you can't any of the above questions, does her status really matter all that much? My status says I'm single, but I'm hardly on FB to care. I doubt I would even bother to change it even when I am in a relationship. In fact, I wouldn't want a guy with an FB account either.
Star Gazer Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I'm trying to withdraw myself emotionally before I do anything further. I'm totally expecting this to fail. You've been saying this for a month. She's still in love with her ex. She sucked her ex's dick the night before you became "exclusive," AND was also having sex with other guys while dating you. You can't expect this to fail. It failed a long time ago.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 You've been saying this for a month. She's still in love with her ex. She sucked her ex's dick the night before you became "exclusive," AND was also having sex with other guys while dating you. You can't expect this to fail. It failed a long time ago. Yeah, all those are actually more problematic than a simple status change.
pookster72 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 (edited) if you never go on or update your facebook page, i could understand not changing the status. i could also understand desiring privacy and not wanting to have "in a relationship with ____" up there, in which case just removing the "single" would be acceptable. i dont understand why you would want to advertise to everyone that you're single when you're happily in a relationship. obviously you two have other issues that others have pointed out, but i don't really get it in general when people say that facebook relationship statuses don't matter. yea, if you hate facebook and never go on it then i guess it doesn't matter, but if your SO goes on facebook regularly and and is telling the world he/she is single and refuses to change that, thats a problem (well... its indicative of other problems, anyway). Edited January 15, 2011 by pookster72
Am4Real Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 But... Her facebook status still says "SINGLE". I've told her I'm not asking her to be "In a Relationship" with me on FB... but at least remove the single??? It's basically telling everyone she's open & free; even the guys she's hooked up with in the past. I've yelled at her about texting them while she was in bed with me ... b/c she's done it. Should I be that concerned about a facebook status given people do take facebook somewhat seriously??? And the majority of those I’ve met who are fanatical about FaceCrap are “off” in a way unique to their need for social bonding based on information and updates the most intelligent on our planet classify as useless substance. Keeping the above explanation in mind, does it not fit those that manage and allow basis for their relationship on the same medium as “off” in a unique way. I hear the word FaceBook and have to scream back “get a life”.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 First of all FB is not the real world. What's there does not have to reflect anything real at all. What you should focus on is her real world acts of disrespect. Texting other guys while in bed with you....my God. What you need is to realize that you want something she's not willing to give. You want a relationship, she just wants to have fun. You can either decide that you will just have some fun with her, and not try to make more of it...or cut her loose all together. I would suggest that you just have some fun with her. You know what will happen the very fact that you are having fun with her...will draw women to you who may want that relationship and be better for you. It's a universal law of attraction that being involved with someone else...even just an EA...can make you more desirable.
FreeheartLover Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 You have much more to worry about than just a facebook status. She sounds really flaky and immature.
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