lovefool988 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Here is my story. I had met this woman during a company trip and I'd found myself fall for her quickly. After the trip I sent an email to introduce myself and asked her out for lunch. She has hestitated for a few days before replying yes and we had arranged a time to meet. The lunch went on pleasantly and I had re-affirm that she was indeed the type of woman that I liked to be with. During the chat I had also discovered that she was a woman I'd met in parking lot several times and we both had been eyeing each other with mild attraction, though she no longer drove to work but instead had taken commuter transport instead. At the end of lunch, I have asked her for her number which she had given, though I did detect a sense of uneasiness on her part. Otherwise everything seems to end well. I text her to say thanks for accepting my invitation and she had graciously replied as well. The same night, I made a call to her and the call was not picked up. There was no voice mailbox and I did not call again as this could be seen as too much pestering. Second night, I made another call to her, which went unanswered. Then I made another call to her one hour later, and still no answer. Now uneasiness started to set in a bit. I did not call further. Next morning, due to clumsiness accidentally dial her number again which I thought might have rung a few times. It was Christmas Eve and hence I had spent some thought to prepare a email greeting card for her, I guess she really liked it and she responded via email and said thank you early in the morning. I asked her what was her plan for Christmas. Then I waited until afternoon and no reply from her. Due to the frustrations, I might have made a mistake writing an email apologize that my recent actions might have upset her, and there were signs that this was so and I could not see it. She later replied and apologize that the email was too serious and there was no need for apology and she was quite busy, and wish me a nice holiday. I tried to downplay the mistake and reply saying I was also very busy with most colleague already away from work and we both have to work late, and wish her a nice holiday as well. After new year, I send her email wishing her a fabulous year and she replied as such. But I started to sense the connection was starting to fizzle out. On the same week, she sent out a email with some humorous cartoon in it to many colleague (including me) which has an undertone of suggesting calling a girlfriend during weekend. I was a bit uncertain as I felt maybe she had felt our budding relationship did not entitle me for a phone call yet, but still there was this email. So I took a chance to text her on Friday night asking if she was busy, hoping that if she meant to pass along the hint she would let me know it was ok to call her. There was no reply. Oops, looks like another mistake. This monday, the chance have it that we met in the elevator, we have a short chat though I felt she was a bit uneasy and pre-occupied with thoughts. I kept to being civil and polite the whole time. After that I sent her a humor story with intention to cheer her up. But my frustration was mounting and I kept having the feeling that she had rejected me. I have been sending 3 email jokes/humor article to her since new year and there hadn't been any response from her, although I did make sure the emails were merely meant to entertain and did not demand any response. Still this complete lack of response, is it a sign that she had made up her mind that she was not interested? As the week went by, I was having depression and I knew I really like this woman. But still, the right thing to do is to stay civil, steer clear of further pestering her with emails/text etc and so I tried to be positive and accept the fact that she had made her choice and I should respect that. But without a final confirmation this is so I just couldn't helped thinking that maybe that was not so and I still have a chance. Some would have advised that I should just move on and found another but at this point I really feel that I was not ready for that. I kept hoping that maybe she was just uncertain and was sorting out herself how to deal with this. I have prepared two more humourous emails to be sent out in the next two weeks to see if this could show her I really care for her and hopefully could spark her interests. But at this stage, is it really the right thing to do? Cos if a woman does not want your attention all this just going to upset her more right and made her think you are a creepy guy right? Sorry if all this sounds so scheming but is it wrong to find ways to make the woman you like feel that she was important and I really care for her? I could enlist one of her colleague to find out more about her, like whether she has a boyfriend already, or even what she think about me. Although this has the risk that if her colleague could not keep a secret and this get back to her, this intrusion into her privacy would backfire. But this extra bit of info could really help... should I do it? I am too afraid to call her now as if she had thought I went overboard to attempt to call her earlier, another call would nail any chance I had left for sure. Have I made any mistake? Am I just hopeless clueless about how to date a woman?
love4me2c Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Sorry to say but it sounds like she's just not into you for whatever reason.
aisle_seat Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 You've made your interest in her pretty clear from all the calls/emails/texts. If she isn't responding and, by your own words, seemed uneasy in the elevator, it's clear she's just not interested. Don't take it as a slight; it's just that for whatever reason you're not her type or she just doesn't want to date right now. I think it's time for you to move on.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Forrest Gump had more sense than this... you a troll? if not, this is amazing and bordering on harassment. absolutely stop contacting her personally and most certainly at work... if she brought *her* side of the story to HR and/or Legal she'd certainly have a situation they'd listen to with open ears. what they'd do, I don't know. if I were her friend and she asked me what she should do, I'd encourage her to speak to HR and Google "restraining order". stop harassing this woman... this can turn serious if you don't back off.
Truly Lost Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I know you are hoping to hear some incouraging words, but it really does sound like she just isn't feeling any chemistry with you. It also sounds like you are obsessing too much about her. You say you "care for her", but you don't know her. Don't let your infatuation confuse your true feelings. You will only hurt yourself more. Try to focus on accepting that she is not interested in dating you. If a woman likes you she won't behave like that. Women are receptive to men they are interested in.
LifeIsGreat Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 You had only one date with her, and it appears you are taking this way too seriously. Looks like you may have scared her off. Now you need to completely let it go, not even sending funny broadcast emails. Who knows, you may have a shot in the future; but not if you continue trying to communicate.
Author lovefool988 Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 Thank you all for the reply. This is exactly what I need. To see the responses from different people and let the truth hit home, this has made me so ashamed that I have acted so foolish and irrationally. In fact, I have known all signs have pointed to this but I would decide to let go one day and then let the doubts set in the next day and made me question my own decision. I need this to strengthen my resolve. Now I will have to deal with the depression that follows. Being working in the same building, I have made plans to ensure I will not encounter her most of the time. This might seems immature but I need this, at least for now. On the off chance that we do meet face to face (like in an elevator or something)... If I tried to engage in short chat -> make the girl think that this guy is a loser who never gives up right? If I tried to avoid contact -> make the girl think that this guy is a loser who cannot handle rejection? So I guess a brief and casual hello is the best way to deal with such an encounter, right?
aisle_seat Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Don't go out of your way to do anything. If you happen to see her, just say hello and don't try to engage her in conversation.
Recommended Posts