ames Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Hi everyone! This is my first post...i hope i get some advice! I met this guy a few weeks ago (yes, WEEKS..i know lol) we have spent almost every single day together..we have both told each other that we like each other..alot. We have so much in common and have been through very similar experiences. A few days ago, we had a petty argument over something stupid. He told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship-or anything too serious..he told me that we shouldnt see each other as much as we have been..i told him that i understood..but we still talk to each other throughout the day..we sent constant messages to each other..he calls me..i don't really understand?? He told me that the argument that we had reminded him of his previous relationship-and he wasnt ready for that. He told me he doesn't know what the future holds-that we will wait and see what happens... It's a big long story, but basically my main question is this.. why do people say that they aren't ready for a relationship, but they still want to see you and they contact you everyday? (please don't say he just wants me for sex-there have been times where we just watch a movie and no sex at all. We have already discussed the sex thing-nothing to do with us using each other)
Emilia Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 it sounds like he isn't over his previous relationship and he got frightened when you had that argument. it depends on whether he can get over that and recognise that he is able to have a good relationship with you because you are not his ex or whether he can't and it proves to be too much for him. it is also possible that he is the kind of guy that can't deal with confrontation and he withdraws to 'teach you' not to confront him in the future. unfortunately it's not enough to like someone, you have to be compatible too
Author ames Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 (edited) thanks em, i have asked him about his ex (who lives overseas) and he tells me he has no intention of ever getting back with her..although he does talk about her and they remain "friends" they broke up 5 months ago...hmmm..now you've got me thinking...he told me he hates confrontation Edited January 14, 2011 by ames mistake
Emilia Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I didn't mean he would want to get back with the ex. Just see how he deals with conflicts in general and whether he is willing to learn
O'Malley Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 why do people say that they aren't ready for a relationship, but they still want to see you and they contact you everyday? (please don't say he just wants me for sex-there have been times where we just watch a movie and no sex at all. We have already discussed the sex thing-nothing to do with us using each other) Because you are providing him with boyfriend benefits --- your time, attention, flirtation, undoubtedly sexual attraction. He gets to enjoy these things about you, without having to go on actual dates or make any kind of commitment to you. That suits him but it obviously isn't working for you. Reinforce your boundaries. He's made it clear that he doesn't want a relationship, so its on you to take your focus off of him. This does mean drastically cutting down the contact (or ending contact) and meeting/dating other men, because if you continue this you're just going to keep hoping that he will change his mind.
Sanman Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Because you are providing him with boyfriend benefits --- your time, attention, flirtation, undoubtedly sexual attraction. He gets to enjoy these things about you, without having to go on actual dates or make any kind of commitment to you. That suits him but it obviously isn't working for you. Reinforce your boundaries. He's made it clear that he doesn't want a relationship, so its on you to take your focus off of him. This does mean drastically cutting down the contact (or ending contact) and meeting/dating other men, because if you continue this you're just going to keep hoping that he will change his mind. I agree with O'Malley. He wants all f the fun/sex/pleasure of you without having to deal with the pressure and expectations of the relationship. This way, he can do as he pleases and still not be held accountable if you are unhappy since you are not his gf. If you are alright with this then leave it be. If not, you should let him know where you stand and leave him if he cannot meet your expectations/the situation makes you unhappy.
SarcasticBlonde Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Hi everyone! This is my first post...i hope i get some advice! I met this guy a few weeks ago (yes, WEEKS..i know lol) we have spent almost every single day together..we have both told each other that we like each other..alot. We have so much in common and have been through very similar experiences. A few days ago, we had a petty argument over something stupid. He told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship-or anything too serious..he told me that we shouldnt see each other as much as we have been..i told him that i understood..but we still talk to each other throughout the day..we sent constant messages to each other..he calls me..i don't really understand?? He told me that the argument that we had reminded him of his previous relationship-and he wasnt ready for that. He told me he doesn't know what the future holds-that we will wait and see what happens... It's a big long story, but basically my main question is this.. why do people say that they aren't ready for a relationship, but they still want to see you and they contact you everyday? (please don't say he just wants me for sex-there have been times where we just watch a movie and no sex at all. We have already discussed the sex thing-nothing to do with us using each other) He wants a friend not a girlfriend. Believe him.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 ...why do people say that they aren't ready for a relationship, but they still want to see you and they contact you everyday?... rockin' C - D cups'll usually have that effect.
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