brneyedgrl Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Ahhh my saga continues... as much as I'd love to go NC we still live together for the time being. The reasoning and the way our breakup went down still confuses and hurts me like hell, especially after 6 years. So I called him tonight while he was on his break to talk about it. I was most concerned about this other girl who lent him an "unbiased opinion", is she still in the picture? Is she better for him than me? Does she really think 6 years of unconditional love and listening and being there for him through his tough times is less important than a random girl who listens to him? Does he not realize I've been listening for 6 years about the same issues and he never wants to fix them for himself so at some point I am going to say "just do it already!" Anyway, he said he was tired of talking about everything over and over again, I asked if this girl was more important to him than I was right now and he said "yes, right now she is because you're acting irrational". Ouch. You'd think after 6 years then all the sudden boom "I need to be alone" would make any intelligent, beautiful, confident girl act and talk a little irrational. Uggghhhhhh... Maybe I can't accept it yet or maybe I just can't accept being disrespected and my ego may be a little bruised, it's only been a week and a half since the b/u and I've got three weeks left before move out day, I need to keep as much distance as possible and I have a feeling it will be tough cuz all I want to do is ring his neck or pop tiny little holes in the air mattress I'm making him sleep on:-)
D78 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 This isn't going to make any sense to you, but I'm gonna tell you the easiest way (IMHO) to deal with this bad situation you are in. And, before you tell me I don't know what I am talking about, I just survived a similar situation (11 years, lived together, same I gotta be alone, minus the other girl): FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT. Act okay. Stop calling him at work. Stop asking him questions. Like you found out tonight, his answers will only hurt you more. Hell yeah your ego is bruised and he disrespected you. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that you're going crazy. If for no other reason than he doesn't deserve to have it. IGNORE HIM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. Find a new hobby. If he asks you what you're doing, make small talk. Seriously, if you're in school, time to start making straight As because your nose should be buried in a book. If you are an artist or musician, time to work on a new piece that is going to take up as much of your time as possible. You'll probably think ignoring him is the wrong thing to do, but it's not. He's already told you he's sick of talking to you about it. He won't understand your point of view (that you really need to ask questions and get answers). He will appreciate it if you ignore him or stick to small talk. I survived by thinking of my ex as the repair man who's at my house to fix something. Offer water or whatever, answer questions, say hi, etc. Nothing more. It will be easier on you both. And, they all say the best revenge is living a happy life. Good luck.
babybear Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 D78 couldn't agree with you more! I'm in a fake it til you make it situation right now - and sometimes the best thing is to just keep things civil for everyone's sanity. Love that part ab treating him like the repair man! Brn - hang in there! No, he doesn't deserve to know you are going crazy! I'm the kind of girl who needs answers too - but when a guy wants to retreat, forcing an answer out of him is hopeless! It will make you appear clingy and annoying to him! I have found that things work out when I back off the most - so make these 3 weeks about YOU, not HIM!
Author brneyedgrl Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 Thanks guys! I think you're correct and it's absolutely neccessary to go about it this way but I am having issues about the possibility of his seriousness with this other girl. I know it's not something that should concern me anymore and I should cut my losses and move on but it hurts to think that he's seeing this woman and it makes me crazy to think that he may have told her I'm nothing, and it's over and it was never too serious. A part of me needs confirmation to see if he's been doing this and a part of me needs to talk to her to see how serious it's gotten and if she even knew anything about me... this is so crazy I can't believe I'm even thinking about contacting her, this isn't me!!!!!!
D78 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 brneyedgrl, The other girl is the hairdresser? It's probably best to leave it alone; which I'm sure is nearly impossible in your situation. One thing I've learned is that we probably won't understand the reasons for the break up. Even if we know the reasons (you find out he was interested in the hairdresser, for example), we won't understand how they could do it to us. Somehow we have to find acceptance without understanding. Keep posting here - even if just to vent. Stay strong brneyedgrl & babybear. You can do it.
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