trippi1432 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Is it just me or have I noticed that the LS S&D forum is becoming the HE versus SHE website of 2011? How many of you have really done any soul searching..working on yourselves? it doesn't matter who is to blame...because that is all this new crowd seems to be...blamers. "It can't be me because she did this ten years ago..".."he did this ten years ago........COME ON!!?? I lived 15 years of that ..."yawn"!!! The more you all bicker and harbor on who hurt who, the less likely any of you are on uncovering your truth and hiding behind the skirtails of blame. Live up to your faults...it will make you ppl better in the long run. Shessesh...sickening...
FreeNow Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I apparently have a broken selection mechanism and was far too forgiving (didn't hold firm enough boundaries) in my marriages. Dating always went well but, since I can't stand divorce, I felt as if they had me over a barrel once we were married. Ultimately, I picked them & forgave too easily so I primarily blame myself. If it makes you feel any better... I couldn't figure out what the heck that post right before yours meant in exwfie's thread. Whatever he was trying to say went right over my head!
debtman Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 trippi1432, You're right, it's nice to have a forum you can come and b**** about everything the OP is doing to you, how poorly you're being treated, how unfair it all is and then having other people validate that. That being said, I have tried (personally) to recognize my part in the failure of the relationship. I didn't listen enough, I held a lot of resentment without ever voicing my concerns or communicating my issues (mostly because I didn't want to fight, which is what always happened, whether it was because of the way I chose to communicate or not), I didn't value the 10 years we had together and spent lots of time focusing on the negative and bitching about how poorly I was treated instead of trying to figure out how to improve things. However, I WON'T take responsibility for the end of the marriage because I was NOT a willing participant in that. I was prepared to stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the kids. Once divorce was brought up, I started to fight for the relationship, I offered to go to IC, suggested MC, came up with a dozen different ways we could work on opening up the lines of communication, all of which were shot down because our personalities were just "incompatible" according to her. Then, 3 weeks after I moved out, her EA with OM became a full A and she still claims that it had nothing to do with the divorce. She still says she's not having an affair because I moved out, even though she was dating for 2 weeks before I moved out. Anyway, yes, it's an easy place to be narcissistic because it's only one side of the story, there are lots of hurt people on here who are eager to help validate the unfairness of cheating spouses, divorce, etc. So, yes, lots of egomaniacal opportunities on here, but, it's also a fabulous place to get opinions, validate feelings, deal with the emotional trauma of the situation and hear from people who got through it (one way or the other) that it does get better. So, thanks LS!
What_Next Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Trippi it's hard to disagree with your post. I think that if you look at some that find their way here they sometimes reach a lot of conclusions through introspection. I know I have learned a great deal from the LS community and it has helped me immensely. I take my portion of responsibility for the downfall of my marriage, but I also place the other portion squarely at the feet of my wife. Does that make me an egomaniac, umm nope. One theme that does irriate me is the scorched earth approach though. Run to the lawyers and put decks on their houses... Then again being from North of the border we tend to have a different attitude towards "lawyer'ing up". Great post.
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