MissHerALot Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 It hurts and there are no answers. But somebody might love you again.
Owz600 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 1. Be happy with yourself, all you got for granted in this life is you.
TG4MJ Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 1. When going on a heartache induced rampage, pre selecting targets is much cleaner and harder to trace than out right blind fury. I nearly lost four years of my life learning that one. 2. No one gets railroaded into the friendzone, it's a position you volunteer for. 3. You can't trust a woman who doesn't like chili dogs.
paleblue Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 1. trust your gut, if something is off, it probably is. 2. dont put myself out there too far if i am only getting very little in return 3. if it happens, ease up and take a few steps back. 4. if someone doesnt want to be with me anymore, than f 'em cause i'm awesome! 5. i do have dignity and deserve to be treated as such. 6. make the dumper feel like they've been dumped. go no contact from day 1!!!! 7. dont accept the breadcrumbs of friendship.
Good Arms Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Some great wisdom in this thread! Be wary of recently divorced men and men who have lots of exes as friends and FWB arrangements Works for the opposite sex too. OK, I only had one relationship, but I heard rumours my ex was FWB with her ex, and that was just a month before she went after me. She also has exes as friends, well at least one that I know at work. Also in an old yes/no questionnaire on her Facebook she admitted she'd cheated before. Funnily enough that disappeared from it when we were going out. All red flags, but I was hardly going to turn down my first chance, and I didn't let them stop me getting far too attached to her. So why am I surprised that it didn't work out, even though I'm still in shock 2 months on, and she moved on right away? I keep putting myself down in my head for causing her to dump me, I'm destroying myself, my self-esteem is shot, but I don't think I really had a chance. As wonderful as she could be, I think she has issues just as much as me, and I'm not sure she knows what she's looking for. My idea of someone desirable for a serious future isn't someone who jumps from relationship to relationship. If anyone wants to read my story I'd like to hear others' opinions.
J0N Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 She left me and gave no distinct reasons, I will never know exactly why and I will have to accept that. I AM young enough to bounce back. She has turned her back on me, even though it sucks now, I am glad this happened now rather than down the road. When something doesn't smell right, it's probably not good. When they stop having sex with you and become really cold towards you, the end is near. When they take advice from idiot friends who are also single and miserable, they are probably not worth dealing with. Yes, I loved her, I still have feelings for her. But she has made it clear that I am not important to her. I have gone NC and now I have turned my back on her, for good. I will never give her another chance again Watch out for red flags
J0N Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Make it clear to friends that you do not want to know anything about their life, it will really hurt.
screwball Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 When they stop having sex with you and become really cold towards you, the end is near. When they take advice from idiot friends who are also single and miserable, they are probably not worth dealing with. Too true! I would like to also add two bullets related to the second bullet above: When they make more time for their friends than for you (and then complain about how the two of you never do anything fun together), the end is near. When their friends ALL decide to leave the long term relationships they're in and she is helping them through it - be on the lookout boy, change is coming your way!
0hpenelope Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 When their friends ALL decide to leave the long term relationships they're in and she is helping them through it - be on the lookout boy, change is coming your way! Is your ex in the same circle of friends as my ex is in?
screwball Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Is your ex in the same circle of friends as my ex is in? Yes, they met on the forum 50waystoleaveyourlover.com Mine made a new plan without discussing much. I hear that there is movement to drop off the key and hop on the bus as the next approach.
GreenPolicy Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 - She is gone for good. You need to accept that. You cannot heal until you accept the finality of the breakup. - Listen to your head and not your heart. You would never feel at peace if you got her back right now. You would always be walking on eggshells wondering when she would walk out again. - Even if one day she realizes her mistake and reaches out to you, enough time will have elapsed that you will be over her and probably involved with somebody else. - Your focus needs to be on you and what you can control. You need to get yourself back. - Maintain NC forever, or until you are completely devoid of any romantic feelings for her, whichever comes first. You cannot handle any news about her. Avoid places where you might run into her, and do not contact her under any circumstances. - She is damaged goods in a way. Your heart is broken, but rest assured you dodged a bullet. - There is somebody else out there that will be attracted to you just as she was. - You will eventually love again and it will be a better relationship than what you had with her. - People like her just do not make good long-term SOs. This is quite preferable to a divorce with children involved. - You will eventually heal and recover. You will have no guilt or regrets. She, on the other hand, is not at peace with herself, and will one day face a reckoning over how she treated you. - You already got the best of what she has to offer another person. Things would never have been as good as the honeymoon you already had with her. That partly explains her fear of abandonment and why she left you. She honestly believes there was a good chance you would have eventually left her. - Your heart is pining for something that you cannot have anymore. Your head understands that you have been spared even greater pain in the future. - She is not a healthy person. Therefore, there are no answers. There is nothing to understand. There is nothing to analyze. There is nothing to figure out. There is no great insight to unlock. She made her decision based on fear and emotion, not logic and reason. - You are responsible for your happiness and for giving your life meaning, not anybody else. It is your responsibility to get yourself back. Only then will you be ready to share your life with somebody else. - This is not the end of the world. This is a temporary setback. Do not make it a permanent one by letting this defeat you. All of the things you want out of life you can still have, just not with her.
Author BlindRage Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 - She is gone for good. You need to accept that. You cannot heal until you accept the finality of the breakup. - Listen to your head and not your heart. You would never feel at peace if you got her back right now. You would always be walking on eggshells wondering when she would walk out again. - Even if one day she realizes her mistake and reaches out to you, enough time will have elapsed that you will be over her and probably involved with somebody else. - Your focus needs to be on you and what you can control. You need to get yourself back. - Maintain NC forever, or until you are completely devoid of any romantic feelings for her, whichever comes first. You cannot handle any news about her. Avoid places where you might run into her, and do not contact her under any circumstances. - She is damaged goods in a way. Your heart is broken, but rest assured you dodged a bullet. - There is somebody else out there that will be attracted to you just as she was. - You will eventually love again and it will be a better relationship than what you had with her. - People like her just do not make good long-term SOs. This is quite preferable to a divorce with children involved. - You will eventually heal and recover. You will have no guilt or regrets. She, on the other hand, is not at peace with herself, and will one day face a reckoning over how she treated you. - You already got the best of what she has to offer another person. Things would never have been as good as the honeymoon you already had with her. That partly explains her fear of abandonment and why she left you. She honestly believes there was a good chance you would have eventually left her. - Your heart is pining for something that you cannot have anymore. Your head understands that you have been spared even greater pain in the future. - She is not a healthy person. Therefore, there are no answers. There is nothing to understand. There is nothing to analyze. There is nothing to figure out. There is no great insight to unlock. She made her decision based on fear and emotion, not logic and reason. - You are responsible for your happiness and for giving your life meaning, not anybody else. It is your responsibility to get yourself back. Only then will you be ready to share your life with somebody else. - This is not the end of the world. This is a temporary setback. Do not make it a permanent one by letting this defeat you. All of the things you want out of life you can still have, just not with her. I wish my heart and mind would just understand these things also. I hate that I try to move on but I miss her while I'm nothing to her at all. It hurts knowing the special things that happened between us didn't mean to her anything and she could easily walk away from that without a look back.
TheGrimSweeper Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 When they take advice from idiot friends who are also single and miserable, they are probably not worth dealing with. oh man hit this to a tee. she starting hanging out with a friend all the time who had just gotten out of a long term long distance relationship. They were literally inseparable the weeks leading up to when we broke up. She was always there whenever I would come over.
Author BlindRage Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 My ex is not human! If someone can leave me that fast and not look back there is no answer other than they are heartless and not human.
Username37 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 First love never last Insecure girls are a pain Their reasons for breaking up is not the whole reason, they're leaving **** out. If a girl dumps you over the phone, she's a coward and wasn't good for you
angelboots Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 1) I learnt if its not divorced... its still married. dah.. 2) That I deserve to be treated with exactly the same amount of effort as I give my partner in all respects not just some 3) that i have a pattern of choosing *******s and wouldn't know a healthy relationship if it bit me on the ass 4) that i am happier single then chasing some childs dramas all day 5) You cant fix what is broke.... even more so if the other party is intent on breaking it again and again and again 6) trust is fragile and once broken doesn't really ever come back, no matter how much you wish it would 7) loving someone doesn't make them love you back just like saying "it isn't you, its me" doesn't make the dumpee feel grateful 8) I am a good person.. better then the people i used to date, i deserve better.
marqueemoon4 Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 when your wife starts hanging around with her divorced friends, expect the worst.
marqueemoon4 Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 trust no one I partially agree with this.. only people I trust 100% are my immediate family-- mom, dad and sister. Everyone else, well, you gotta earn it.
gromit Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Avoid falling in love with someone you've had sex with while you were really drunk, after meeting them for the first time in a bar.Never give up you dreams for any relationship, you'll hate yourself for it later.The "one" doesn't exist. Some common ground is definately a plus though.Once they betray your trust in them, it doesn't come back. Don't try to tell yourself otherwise. Leave.NC works like nothing else.Time does heal wounds.
Winherback Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 - As a Man, you must know who you are and what you want out of life, find your sense of purpose and go after it. - Love yourself and be yourself. - Know when to put your foot down, and know when you are being tested by the emotions of a woman. Don't take things personally, pass these tests with confidence, playful humor, and love. There is no "fixing" anything. - Don't waver in who you are and let it affect your decision making to cater to this idea of fixing things. They see right through this and they lose their trust in you as a confident man. - A lot of a woman's happiness comes from the feeling of being loved/unloved. How you approach this can be crucial. - You don't NEED them, and don't allow them to become your sense of purpose. - Oh, and beware of emotionally immature women.
marqueemoon4 Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 If you meet a woman who admits to having self esteem issues -- RUN
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