BlindRage Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I'll start. 1. Trust your gut instincts from the beginning.
screwball Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 1. Never put aside your life goals to "settle down"...besides making you unsatisfied, the resulting frustration will likely tear apart the relationship anyway. 2. If you feel that your SO is becoming distant, the best thing to do is NOT shower them in attention, date nights, gifts... 3. You must continue to do whatever got your SO to fall in love with you in order to keep them in love with you. Just because you've progressed into a long term relationship doesn't mean that you should let everything go and change the way you act around your SO. 4. Never be vengeful to your SO (or anyone else for that matter) - in the end you are really just hurting yourself. 5. And of course, time heals all wounds.
Country_Girl Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 6. Don't ignore red flags...love may be blind, but you know the truth.
Author BlindRage Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 6. Don't ignore red flags...love may be blind, but you know the truth. Wow. Country Girl, your comment hit the spot to a T so much my eyes literally opened like this while reading your reply O_O. I agree with you 1000%
ALonerAgain Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 (edited) 1. Always know WHY and WHAT you want from a relationship. Know your values and always stick to them if necessary. 2. NEVER assume. It just leads to petty mind games. 3. Always be aware that your behaviour affects others, no matter how insignificant you think it may be. 4. Behaviour is always a symptom, never a cause. Go deeper to find out what's REALLY going on. 5. Healthy, verbal communication is the key. Even if that means disagreeing or compromising in some way (unless it invalidates your values). 6. Know what your negative triggers are. Chances are that bad experiences in your past may have made you particularly sensitive in a particular situation. Often subconsciously. 7. No-one can make you happy but yourself. If you think otherwise, you'll always end up dissatisfied in some way. (NOTE: this does not mean that you can't be happy with anyone else, but they should certainly be able to ADD to your happiness, rather than make it from scratch (eg. the old "you complete me" line). 8. Similarly, no-one can be responsible for the way you feel. If so, ensure that No. 6 isn't at play. 9. When you suffer from low-self esteem, ego-deflation, etc. a relationship is never the answer. Edited January 14, 2011 by ALonerAgain
Rose T Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Really try and evaluate the relationship in the first few months before you get emotionally attached. Don't be afraid of walking away from someone - being alone is ALWAYS better than staying out of fear of the unknown.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 That one cannot judge their own worth as a person by what other people, especially Ex SO's, think of them. Just because you are dumped, or not choosen, or whatever does not lessen your value.
Ajax Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 1) Never hold back in a relationship 2) Always hold back in a relationship
Fern Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I'll start. 1. Trust your gut instincts from the beginning. Quoted for truth.
WTRanger Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 It's not the end of the world. You'll live. That other person isn't a pure-bred monster sent to destroy you.
Buzzkillington Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 That you're who's most important in your life. Never take someone in your life for granted/never take your SO's feelings for granted - no matter how secure things seem. Just because you've been with someone for a long time, that on its own isn't something which can keep a relationship going/keep someone in love with you. I realise these are all very basic relationship points but they're things I've properly learnt first hand and now understand (I'm young!)
sedgwick Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 That I can be alone. Also, that I can go through a breakup and not end up in the psych ward.
shocked_confused Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 10. NEVER give more than your SO is willing to give. You end up looking needy in the end and the control ends up being in your SO's hands.
abust1 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Don't be AFRAID to change in a relationship, if you are unhappy. Rock the boat!
Akumark Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 1) Never hold back in a relationship 2) Always hold back in a relationship SO much truth in this Ajax
ccfan Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Do not fall in love with somebody you deep down know it´s not right for you. NC does work.... it´s hell on earth, but it does work. Never fall in love too soon too fast Almost all the time the power in a relationship goes to the one that care less... try to be prepared for that if you love your SO more than they love you.
cerridwen Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 That Disney movies aren't real. That you're not meant to marry every person you fall in love with. It's okay that people come and go; don't hold on too tightly or you'll interrupt the flow of your life.
january2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 You are stronger than you thinkSay no to "being friends"You will find out who your real friends areWhen someone tells you who they are, believe themRemember those red and yellow flags at the beginning? They will come back to haunt you at the endTake him at his word when he says that he doesn't want "anything serious" - don't try to convince yourself that you can change his mind once he gets to know youBe careful of people who promise too much before they even really know you, especially regarding future plansBe wary of recently divorced men and men who have lots of exes as friends and FWB arrangementsBe wary of men with poor boundaries and knight-in-shining armour complexesDon't let your body and heart gang up on your headIf you're not happy at the beginning of the relationshhip, it's unlikely to get any betterBe careful of any new friendships and relationships that you start while you're still emotionally vulnerableYou always have options I think that'll do for now.
bl22 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 1. Never put aside your life goals to "settle down"...besides making you unsatisfied, the resulting frustration will likely tear apart the relationship anyway. 2. If you feel that your SO is becoming distant, the best thing to do is NOT shower them in attention, date nights, gifts... 3. You must continue to do whatever got your SO to fall in love with you in order to keep them in love with you. Just because you've progressed into a long term relationship doesn't mean that you should let everything go and change the way you act around your SO. 4. Never be vengeful to your SO (or anyone else for that matter) - in the end you are really just hurting yourself. 5. And of course, time heals all wounds. Couldnt have said it better myself.
Juliebug Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 1. No long distance relationships. 2. If an ex is somehow still involved, get out while you can! 3. His family doesn't like you - Red flag. Acknowledge that fact and act accordingly! 4. A lack of common ground doesn't make it "more interesting" - It's a bloody deal breaker. 5. Those flaws that you thought were charming? Yeah. They will drive you insane in just a little while. 6. Never be the one to give more, feel more, think more. Chances are you'll regret it.
Eeyore79 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Some things should not be forgiven; you're a fool if you stay after the person in question has shown their true colours. For some things, e.g. violence and cheating, you need to operate a one-strike policy.
Username37 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Don't let them control you after it's over Don't be friends If they break up with you because of a cake and they break up with you over the ****ing phone. You're better off without them
0hpenelope Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I learned: That I cannot make someone stay who doesn't want to stay. That if they want to walk away from me, then they should stay gone. That I only have control over myself. That I have little to no respect for quitters. That there's no such thing as receiving closure from the ex because he (she) will rarely be honest about why he (she) wants to leave. Closure is something that I have to find on my own and give to myself. That exes always come poking around at some given time in the future. They keep you in mind always, in the most unexpected ways. That it's much harder to regain one's esteem in my eyes when I lose respect for them. Trust is one thing. Respect? An entirely different creature altogether.
dng Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 1) Never hold back in a relationship 2) Always hold back in a relationship I feel for you. In the end we all try but most people don't know what they are doing.
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