smilesalot1 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Have you just ever been tired? Is it possible to give so much love you prevent yourself from feeling it? I am 40 and single... much more single than this time last year...at least when I wasn't in a committed relationship I had more opportunity for a man to love me. I am dating a man that was royally screeeewwwweeeeeddddd by his Ex Wife of 25 years. He just is not capable of being too involved and I am so tired I barely have the energy to care much even type. I just wish I could break MY cycle of trying to fix him. I am to old to carry this resentment of his Ex when he allows all the things she does. I'm just too tired to care.
spiderowl Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 (edited) The guy is still entwined with her emotionally, if only in a very negative way. It's eating up your energy because you can see he's preoccupied and his mood is negative. I expect you've tried to talk him out of it and it hasn't worked. I do think he's still tied to her and you are exhausted because you thought he was free and are finding he is not willing or able to be. He is unconsciously resisting your efforts to disentangle him from his past relationship and it must be feeling like a battle you can't win. Give up! You can't change his attachment and beliefs about his wife, but you can ask yourself if he's really there for you? What is he giving you? Love, lovemaking, fun, companionship, security, fidelity, good prospects of a fulfilling relationship? If not, then what are you getting out of this relationship? I have learned from experience that trying to help a man who has been hurt can be a minefield. Anyone who is holding on to hurt beyond the time that most others would have come to terms with it has got some serious, deep-down reason for doing so. Edited January 15, 2011 by spiderowl
Author smilesalot1 Posted January 15, 2011 Author Posted January 15, 2011 The guy is still entwined with her emotionally, if only in a very negative way. It's eating up your energy because you can see he's preoccupied and his mood is negative. I expect you've tried to talk him out of it and it hasn't worked. I do think he's still tied to her and you are exhausted because you thought he was free and are finding he is not willing or able to be. He is unconsciously resisting your efforts to disentangle him from his past relationship and it must be feeling like a battle you can't win. Give up! You can't change his attachment and beliefs about his wife, but you can ask yourself if he's really there for you? What is he giving you? Love, lovemaking, fun, companionship, security, fidelity, good prospects of a fulfilling relationship? If not, then what are you getting out of this relationship? I have learned from experience that trying to help a man who has been hurt can be a minefield. Anyone who is holding on to hurt beyond the time that most others would have come to terms with it has got some serious, deep-down reason for doing so. Thank you for reading and responding. I was so tired when I posted this thread that I didn't go much into detail. I was frazzled and I guess that it didn't exude the dramatic details of my relationship it bored alot of people, but you took time to respond and I am grateful of your insight. Yes, I have tried to help him change his ways toward this situation. I stayed with him last night and I think he gets that I am on my last leg of this relationship. We were supposed to stay at my place tonight and I was planning a nice meal and time with just us two. Most of the time we have our children. His X wife now has their youngest daughter telling her father today that she NEVER sees him and now Daddy is squirming. He doesn't want to tell her No and knows this will probaly end us. I am VERY FAIR about our children, but we need time alone too. Why his X wife feels she is only privy to this I do not know. He did tell me last night that he would remove her as benificiary of his life insurance( after 3 years of divorce ). I believe that if he cancels on me tonight that I will celebrate with my bottle of wine the end of a hellacious relationship.
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