Is being in a relationship and/or intimacy (sex) more important....

[samsungxoxo]

than having a profession?

 

I don't understand why some young people mainly in their 20's treat break-ups or finding love as if it was the end of the world? Why are some young men becoming desperate in getting laid or even losing their virginity for the wrong reasons when are other important things. It's obvious by their posts or if you simply talk to them they think it's their saddest moment.

 

As of now I can careless if a man is complimenting me and wants me more than a friend. I don't care about dating nor forming a relationship.

 

I want to finish my studies and find this way more important than becoming involve in those childish dramas.

 

I already went through this whole drama once. No point in repeating this again.... back to making something of my own.... obtaining my degree in Translations & Interpretations.

[depplover_1980]

Hi there,

 

I think you have a great attitude and one I wish I had adopted a decade ago as I would be a lot better of financially!! Having said that I don't regret the learning curve and harsh lessons I have uncovered as a result.

 

For you to focus and be confident in who you are is the most attractive thing to many partners, so the day you will be ready I doubt you'll struggle to have a decent adult relationship based on growth and not desperation!!

[Duckduckgoose]

It depends on the person/people and what they want from life. Some people can balance home/career/relationship/family easily and take all the hits and grow from it. Some can not.

 

I have noticed that people who focus solely on having a relationship and family as fast as possible tend to settle for less. This is not always the case but it has been what I've seen a lot. I guess that is one reason for so many divorces.

 

Others that focus on career and forgo relationships can be seen as cold and selfish, or workaholics. Or perhaps scared of intimacy. It can also put them behind the curve so to speak when it comes time for them to pursue a relationship.

 

IMHO it seems that a good balance of career AND relationships makes for the best rounded person. Life is just one big crazy balancing act sometimes.

[GoodOnPaper]

I don't understand why some young people mainly in their 20's treat break-ups or finding love as if it was the end of the world? Why are some young men becoming desperate in getting laid or even losing their virginity for the wrong reasons when are other important things. It's obvious by their posts or if you simply talk to them they think it's their saddest moment.

 

At least for me, this was the operative equation: sex = acceptance

 

When you don't attract women very often, the stakes are high . . .

 

As of now I can careless if a man is complimenting me and wants me more than a friend. I don't care about dating nor forming a relationship.

 

For most women, sex is available at a moment's notice. This is not the case for most guys . . .

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I'd say that it's because, for some guys or girls, getting laid is harder than answering a math equation. I've often been surprised that the most intelligent and ambitious people (in terms of their career) are also the most lonely. I also include myself in that division.

 

But the thing is that everyone matures at different ages. Some are ready for relationships at an early age, some are ready at a later age. There is no 'set in stone' milestone that you have to cross. Everyone gets there at their own pace.

[Els]

I think it's all about balance. You only live once. For many people, the 20s are a good time to start dating, learning about relationships, enjoying the type of rose-tinted-glass, young relationship that is ultimately different from a relationship that people in their 30s and 40s would have. You should not absolutely sacrifice one for the other, but why NOT have both? I'm 24 and I enjoy having both at the moment.

 

Then again, I think a lot of people are just too desperate and overdramatizing stuff, too.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Well, like I said, I'm 28 and have never been in a relationship. I feel no need to rush, my career is a lot more important.

 

Yes sure, I'd like to have a girlfriend in my life, but until she appears, I'm perfectly content just living my life. I don't set an age limit on love.

[Els]

I think it's great to not need to rush. However, what the OP is saying is:

 

'As of now I can careless if a man is complimenting me and wants me more than a friend. I don't care about dating nor forming a relationship.

 

I want to finish my studies and find this way more important than becoming involve in those childish dramas.'

 

I could be misinterpreting her, but she seems to categorize people into either 'Desperate for a relationship' or 'Don't want a relationship until their studies are done', with the latter being superior to the former. What I am saying, is that a balance is often best. I honestly think people who close themselves up to relationships entirely during their youth because they 'want to focus on studies' are missing out on a nice part of life.

 

I think this is partly due to my realization that none of us, ever, know when we will die. Youth is no immunity to death. And if I were to die tomorrow, I want to have experienced life and love to the best of my ability before I go. We need our studies as an insurance for the future, but that does not mean that we have to necessarily forgo the present as well.

Edited January 17, 2011 by Elswyth

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Very true. Which is why I've signed up for internet dating, at least PoF, and will start trying to get dates from there.

 

I definitely don't want to die not having ever known love. Granted, I'm very healthy for my age, and I don't anticipate dying soon. But you never know what the future may bring.

 

But getting back to the OP....

 

Yes, I agree that she's either saying that people are crazy about never being single, or they want to stay single and finish their studies. I feel sad for both parties. You should learn to be happy being alone, and then add someone in who compliments your life. And you should never put your studies in front of meeting girls/boys. Part of growing up is forming friendships and relationships; it's not necessary to have a relationship to be a grownup, but it gives you perspective. I'm sure I will age 10 years if I get into a relationship and then get out in less than a year.

[samsungxoxo]

Yes there are some talented people that can do more than 3 things at once. A guy on my high school had a GF and went to parties but still excelled in school without even studying too much. How??

 

I don't know.... maybe some people could do all at once.

 

If I were to become involved into a relationship and doesn't go too well, it can distract me a bit so I'll just do one at a time.

 

After finishing my studies: I would want to be a relationship with a man that wants marriage (doesn't string me along for more than 2 years), knows exactly what he wants instead of talking like a kid, and has either a decent job or higher level of education. In other words a mature man that has already achieved important goals, can discuss some sophisticated topics and is full of motivation.

 

I already had a relationship and it created too much hassles & stupid dramas. He never cheated nor abused me but there were still complications that I, being 19 at the time should have not gotten myself into.

Edited January 17, 2011 by samsungxoxo

[somedude81]

I'm firmly in the camp that a relationship is more important than a career.

 

At 29 years old, I still haven't had a girlfriend and I just feel real lonely.

 

The last thing I want is to be 45, get off work from a great job, then come home to an empty house where I'm the only person whose ever lived there.

 

What's the point of having a career if you don't have a family or anybody to love?

[samsungxoxo]

What's the point of having a career if you don't have a family or anybody to love?

This is what happened to one of mother's cousin. He is a professional lawyer but everyone think he's very eccentric and odd.

 

He's never been in a relationship and doesn't seem to care either. Last time when my parents and I were at a reunion, he wouldn't joined us in a normal conversation but locked himself with his law books. He's in his 40's....

 

Now I think that's really weird...... yet he's been wasting his money on something but no body knows on what.

 

So if he isn't interest in women, doesn't like drinking not even a single small cup of wine, doesn't have any real friends at all, never gives his mother any money nor helps out (he didn't even buy her anything for Christmas)... what was he spending his money on???

 

In your case it's different because you're still young and are interested in a relationship. He on the other hand is a strange man.

Edited January 17, 2011 by samsungxoxo

[Woggle]

I believe in building yourself up and then a worthwhile relationship will come.

[Els]

Yes there are some talented people that can do more than 3 things at once. A guy on my high school had a GF and went to parties but still excelled in school without even studying too much. How??

 

I don't know.... maybe some people could do all at once.

 

If I were to become involved into a relationship and doesn't go too well, it can distract me a bit so I'll just do one at a time.

 

After finishing my studies: I would want to be a relationship with a man that wants marriage (doesn't string me along for more than 2 years), knows exactly what he wants instead of talking like a kid, and has either a decent job or higher level of education. In other words a mature man that has already achieved important goals, can discuss some sophisticated topics and is full of motivation.

I already had a relationship and it created too much hassles & stupid dramas. He never cheated nor abused me but there were still complications that I, being 19 at the time should have not gotten myself into.

 

The thing is, that very rarely are YOU capable of a good, mature relationship with little to no relationship experience. We all learn as we go. About ourselves, what we want out of relationships, the other gender, relationship skills. You may be fortunate enough to learn along the way and marry the same man. Often, you won't.

 

I never understood the traditional concept of 'focus on studies', then 'meet and marry a man within the next few years after you start working'. Really, it doesn't work that way. Most marriages do not succeed if they are your first love... I have rarely heard of one that did.

[Els]

I'm firmly in the camp that a relationship is more important than a career.

 

At 29 years old, I still haven't had a girlfriend and I just feel real lonely.

 

The last thing I want is to be 45, get off work from a great job, then come home to an empty house where I'm the only person whose ever lived there.

 

What's the point of having a career if you don't have a family or anybody to love?

 

I agree that we, as humans, would be happiest with both.

 

However, if you have not experienced poverty, you would not understand how much it can impact your quality of life. Unless your parents will be leaving you millions, you NEED a career too.

[samsungxoxo]

I never understood the traditional concept of 'focus on studies', then 'meet and marry a man within the next few years after you start working'. Really, it doesn't work that way. Most marriages do not succeed if they are your first love... I have rarely heard of one that did.

This rule has been created by me now. I'm not forced to followed it but feel comfortable this way.

 

I can't wait till classes start on Jan. 24...

 

However, do admit that when I was younger, the idea of having a boyfriend was wonderful and wanted to know what it was to have experience.

My idea was the same as it is now in regards to intimacy/sex.... not until you're ready (nope... I'm not really into the waiting till marriage thing) and there is a great understand and love. It took 5 months to finally do it but was in love at the time.

 

Technically by the time I finish my studies, my future potential husband would either be my 2nd or probably up to 4th. It would also depend how well the relationship goes. If it ends up terribly and it involves cheating, I would break up immediately and obviously this would add a bit more history.