Racoon Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I am an above average looking, intelligent, successful, thin 43 year old women. I have been dating a below average, over weight, non motivated man for over two years. We have had several break ups that last up to 3 months due to his lack of concern for communication with relationship issues. I have been divorced for 12 years he has been divorced for 3. He has not dated anyone else nor will he ever (in the near future) be motivated to pursue another women. I feel that I am in love with this man and cannot explain what I see in him. I have never been an insecure person, but I can't seem to shake this feeling of love and move on with my life. We live 3 blocks away from each other and move in the same social network. I see him or his home on a daily basis. We are broken up again. I have been asked out for dates by four other suitors in the last 2 weeks, so it is not that I am low on self esteem, but have not one desire to accept. My head says run like the wind, get out of the rutt and move on. He is rude (not abusive), unthoughtful, cowardly, unintelligent, neglectful and down right ignores me. On the other hand, we fit like a glove and when things are good they are good. But my heart is so lost when we are not together. I have never had a real problem walking away from unimportant relationships. Why, is this one so important to me that I can't move on. Is there something that I am missing. Does anyone have any insight?
Leandro Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 HMMM, I guess you just need some time to get over him. Just remember that he has those problems you just mentioned above. I know I'm not much help, but hopefully this will get the other members to read and help you.
PowerOfOne Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 The heart wants what it wants. Sometimes it's an idiot though. I didn't pick up from your post how long you'd been with him. There are a few questions that come to mind that i think are worth asking yourself: - Do you want to be in this relationship for what could be the next 40 or 50 years? - Is it a fear of having to break the norm by not being with him? - Is it the fear of the unknown as to whether you'll find someone else that 'fits' like you feel this guy does with you? You say you feel lost when you're not with him. You know that will fade in time. Just like any other breakup. I don't know if this is any help. Only other thing is to quote another LS poster and say 'Never settle for less then you want'. Never.
Fern Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I am an above average looking, intelligent, successful, thin 43 year old women. I have been dating a below average, over weight, non motivated man for over two years. We have had several break ups that last up to 3 months due to his lack of concern for communication with relationship issues. I have been divorced for 12 years he has been divorced for 3. He has not dated anyone else nor will he ever (in the near future) be motivated to pursue another women. I feel that I am in love with this man and cannot explain what I see in him. I have never been an insecure person, but I can't seem to shake this feeling of love and move on with my life. We live 3 blocks away from each other and move in the same social network. I see him or his home on a daily basis. We are broken up again. I have been asked out for dates by four other suitors in the last 2 weeks, so it is not that I am low on self esteem, but have not one desire to accept. My head says run like the wind, get out of the rutt and move on. He is rude (not abusive), unthoughtful, cowardly, unintelligent, neglectful and down right ignores me. On the other hand, we fit like a glove and when things are good they are good. But my heart is so lost when we are not together. I have never had a real problem walking away from unimportant relationships. Why, is this one so important to me that I can't move on. Is there something that I am missing. Does anyone have any insight? It sounds to me like your ego is having a hard time processing the idea that this slob might not want you as much as you deserve. Perhaps your self-esteem isn't as healthy as you think? When I first got together with my Ex I felt like I was the 'prize' in the relationship. How quickly that changed. I became gradually more and more ground down by co dependency. The less interested he acted the more I tried to 'fix' things. Get out now, before this becomes a real issue. His lack of interest in you doesn't make him a high status or high value partner - your head knows that but your heart and ego don't appear to. You need to go cold turkey with him. He's an addiction and whilst you're in the throes of it you can't see just how bad for you he is.
Author Racoon Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 I sure agree, my heart is an idiot. And it is funny that you called him a slob because he is indeed that. I agree, he is an addition or maybe it is my ego that I cant fix this relationship. I dont ask for much, just some of his time. His priorities are his friends, (hunting, Shooting tournments, job and drinking beer with his buddies). I only came first when his buddies were not available. He has taken several fishing trips that last up to 5 days long and a trip to Vegas with his brother, but when I ask him to do something with me, he says he can't afford to take off work. I've been waiting for some "me" time for two years now. So when I gave him an ultimatum this last time, to take me somewhere and spend time with me, or else, he just ignored me. I repeatedly requested some time and all he got from it was that I didn't want him spending time with his friends. Or "I'm gonna" I'm not sure if that was an excuse or he is just that stupid. I really think that he is just a stubborn-a** and just doesn't want to give me what I need. Maybe a control issue. Does anyone hear that? It is the same break up everytime. I'm trying to get wise and understand that he is not going to change, but this damn heart of mine hurts so bad. I am doing the No Contact, but just last night I was with a friend, one of our friends (a man) at a bar and there he comes in. I'm not sure if I want him to believe that we were on a date or not. I want him to hurt just as I am, but I don't like feeling that vindictive. It would be nice to hear a mans opinion of this. How can I get over him when he is always there? what can I do to feel better? Or should I just accept the fact that others are more important than me and deal with it.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Could part of the reason be that you live so close together and move in the same social networks. In short you know that if you break up with him no matter what you will still see him around town. Further for the same reason it makes it easy to get back with him when you do break up.
Author Racoon Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 I agree, that is probably the main reason that we have always gotten back together. But each time, only small things change. It is as if he realizes what he had and how great he had it and then gives in just a little. I dont want to change him, only his consideration of my feelings. I didnt want all his time. I am a practical person. I just need some time with him like he gives to his friends and beer. That is why I ended it. I am tired of asking and getting no where. The only thing that has changed in his life now that we are broken up is that he has to sleep in his own bed. His habits and routines are the same. Mine on the other-hand seem to be of self worthlessness. I wasnt important enough for his consideration. Does he feel the same or does he possibly realize that I just need something that he wouldnt give. Or is he releaved? To do no contact, I will have to give up every extra curricular activity that I have at this point. change everything about my life, just to get over this dope or prevent the possibility of giving in and getting back together because that is what my heart wants. Drive out of our small town the back way, give up my friends and sit at home for fear of seeing/running into him. It is hard to get motivated and find new interests and do something new when you feel complete worthless. This is gonna drive me crazy.
Country_Girl Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 (edited) You know Racoon- Is it possible he is a passive aggressive personality type? If you don't know the term, google it, and the characteristics of a person of such. This reminds me of my Ex in some ways, as I kinda felt like the prize also (good looking, thin, compassionate, nurturer). While he was overweight, played a lot of video games (seemed to be his only interest), never cleaned up after himself, messy. I didn't realize it until after we broke up, but PA described my Ex to a "T". It explained why we lacked so much communication which is healthy in a normal relationship (which you said you were lacking). But he made it unhealthy, he built up this wall around himself, would completely shut me out, sometimes we didn't talk for hours. He could not take "healthy" criticism, he saw any chance of improvement in the relationship as a personal attack. I never yelled or anything, he just could not talk in a civil manner about the relationship. You also said that he sometimes would make little changes, but they would never last. That's something my Ex did as well, but the change never stuck. It was always a half assed attempt to save the relationship, if you know what I mean. Maybe look up PA and see if he fits the bill. You said you don't know if he's stubborn or if it's a control thing where he won't give you what you need. I see red flags for PA. I'm with you on the same boat, wondering why I am stuck grieving this man, when clearly he was no good. But I get you when you say, when things were good they were good- so maybe that's what you are missing. Edited January 16, 2011 by Country_Girl
Author Racoon Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 Thank you Country girl for the information. I have taken several days to study, study and study every artical and piece of information that I could find and yes, almost to a "T". *creating arguments for no obvious reason to create distance *isolating and rejecting me without any reason *sulking, he would avoid me for weeks *ambiguity, I never really completely understood, he would leave out info *forgetfulness, intentionally (it was obvious most times) *procrastination *fear of competition, he was a coward *obstructionism, never gave me what I needed *self-centeredness, everything was always about him Passive aggressive is lying and being dis-honest, manipulative and sabotaging. There was one or two traits that really did not fit him for the person that I knew, but the most amazing info that I read was the effect the PA person has on the significant people around them. The feeling of guilt, being stupid because of the ambiguity, unable to make him happy, dismissed, shutdown, ignored that it is so maddening. Instead of talking to me about my feelings, he would just give me that glare, about face and leave. Not to call me for days or weeks. On the event that I would call him, he would completely ignore me. That was the way that he could continue to control the relationship. It says that these are one of the most difficult men to deal with. I received the message "I love you" while at the same time sabotaging my best efforts. [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2]He almost always acted like the good guy, saying all the good things infront of everyone else, then never having an intentinon of doing anything otherwise.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2]After 2 years of being on and off he did indeed, slowly errode my self-worth. I would explode, be angry, and go out of control for just some type of attention. This would just encourage more PA from him.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2]I have really lost who I was. His behavior, for sure has taken me to the lowest places that I never thought I could ever go. But I did hit bottom.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2]Now it is time to accept my own personal responsibility and move on.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2]In some of the articles and videos, it explains how to deal with or try to attempt to help the PA individual, and I have given thought to that because I do, for some odd (really wierd) reason care and love this guy. My gut feeling is to just walk away, then on the other hand, we have no closure.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2]The articles and information have helped me greatly in dealing with my broken heart for this period. I do miss him or so I believe.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2]We are on day 20 of not being together and day 5 of no contact. I have seen him twice, but no communication.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2]Thank you again.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][/FONT]
stillafool Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 I am an above average looking, intelligent, successful, thin 43 year old women. I have been dating a below average, over weight, non motivated man for over two years. He is rude (not abusive), unthoughtful, cowardly, unintelligent, neglectful and down right ignores me. On the other hand, we fit like a glove and when things are good they are good. But my heart is so lost when we are not together. I don't understand how you two "fit like a glove". Are you saying sexually you two "fit like a glove"? What you have written so far doesn't seem like the two of you are compatible at all. When the two of you have broken up in the past, and he goes weeks without communication, who is the one to make the first step towards reconciliation? Is it you or him?
Author Racoon Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 I don't understand how you two "fit like a glove". Are you saying sexually you two "fit like a glove"? What you have written so far doesn't seem like the two of you are compatible at all. When the two of you have broken up in the past, and he goes weeks without communication, who is the one to make the first step towards reconciliation? Is it you or him? What I said was, when things are good, they are good. When we reconcile, it is usually on his part by various steps of running into each other, or some string of events. He tells me that he has missed me and we talk and he says that he is sorry and then things are better, maybe even great for a while and then the same old patterns slowly starts repeating, but they seem to be to a deeper, and more negative behavior. More brass and bold. I love the this man, but this passive aggressive behavior is completely destructive to all involved. Every relationship has problems, one person does something that irritates the other (after all we are human). When I would attempt in a very nice, non-attacking way to tell him that his behavior hurt me, he would give me the glare (of personal attack) through his hands up and walk away. As if I were asking him to cut off his left testical. Leaving me to feel confused, dismissed and in-significant. I would eventually go through the stages, and come to the conclusion it must of been my fault and call him and he would ignore me. Then the anger sets in. So I walk away and we are broke up. Same repeated ways only you eventually sink lower and lower each and everytime. That is where I was, the bottom.
Author Racoon Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 Several very good points that I learned from all my reading is this. 1. Passive Aggressive people promote passive aggressive anger. When for instance, when my guy would ignore my repeat requests for some personal time along with him, or that we had not had a dinner out for some time, he would completely ignore those requests. My feelings of self worth and importance in his life would deminish and my frustration would build and build, then I would explode. Because I was not heard. So eventually I would not say anything because I was not heard. Holding in your frustration and not communicating to the point of exploding is "Passive Aggressive Anger". Therefore I became just as guilty. 2. We all have to show others how to treat us. If they are not willing to listen to the importance of your opinion about yourself. Run like HELL. Get over it before it even starts. I know I will.
Duckduckgoose Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 I don't know his side, but it sounds to me like you are dating beneath yourself.
dng Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 I am an above average looking, intelligent, successful, thin 43 year old women. I have been dating a below average, over weight, non motivated man for over two years. You are overlooking an important feeling that I don't see discussed here often. What you have is a strong physical attraction to him. You describe how hard it is because you are around him often. Physical attraction is an emotion and it can be very strong. Wether he's good looking or not or a slob or not, his social status and whatever else variable, none of this matters. High value women have left high value, good looking, succesful guys for bums because of physical attraction. Think about it.
stillafool Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 What I said was, when things are good, they are good. When we reconcile, it is usually on his part by various steps of running into each other, or some string of events. He tells me that he has missed me and we talk and he says that he is sorry and then things are better, maybe even great for a while and then the same old patterns slowly starts repeating, but they seem to be to a deeper, and more negative behavior. More brass and bold. I love the this man, but this passive aggressive behavior is completely destructive to all involved. Every relationship has problems, one person does something that irritates the other (after all we are human). When I would attempt in a very nice, non-attacking way to tell him that his behavior hurt me, he would give me the glare (of personal attack) through his hands up and walk away. As if I were asking him to cut off his left testical. Leaving me to feel confused, dismissed and in-significant. I would eventually go through the stages, and come to the conclusion it must of been my fault and call him and he would ignore me. Then the anger sets in. So I walk away and we are broke up. Same repeated ways only you eventually sink lower and lower each and everytime. That is where I was, the bottom. I think this man loves you very much. I also think the reason he does these things is because he thinks (knows in his mind) he isn't good enough for you so he is sabotaging the relationship so he won't have to "step up" and maybe even fails at his attempt to be successful. He would rather throw up his hands and walk away because that is an easier solution for him. He hurts just as much as you do.
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I tend to think differently on this. I think this dude was badly burnt in his marriage..and holds onto that. Considering your the first person he's been with since his divorce..sounds like theres underlying issues he hasnt come clean with..whether that be with his ex..the marriage or himself. I hate to say it but your relationship sounds like a rebound one. The way hes acting states something is off with him. Doesnt sound like hes too invested in you..or the relationship. He lacks any good communication skills..which is extremely essential in any relationship. I would stay clear..and but your efforts into someone who can give you something in return. Your setting yourself up for a pretty rough road if you continue with someone this broken. He's just not that into women anymore..since his divorce! Thats my take! Good Luck to you!
Author Racoon Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 Thank you for your opinions. It does help me to think about different sides and possibilities. Ok, weather he is in love with me and hurting as much as I am or broken (which I agree), the fact still remains that my heart is hurting. I know that I will get through this in time. Would someone please tell me where the fast forward button is?????
dng Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Thank you for your opinions. It does help me to think about different sides and possibilities. Ok, weather he is in love with me and hurting as much as I am or broken (which I agree), the fact still remains that my heart is hurting. I know that I will get through this in time. Would someone please tell me where the fast forward button is????? Press on "abandon all hope".
Calendula Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I know you said you were attempting NC with this guy, but it seems like your living situation makes this difficult. Somewhere on this site there is a nice list of recommendations for when NC doesn't work or isn't possible. I may have referred to it in one of my previous posts, but I can't remember which, or even which thread. If you can find it, or if anyone else knows the list I'm referring to, it might help you some. Sorry I can't be more helpful than this on this count. As far as your relationship with this guy goes, perhaps it would help you to sit down and spend some time thinking about who you were before you started dating him. Perhaps look at old journal entries, think about how you thought then, how you felt about yourself then, how the old you would have responded to different situations. How has this man, his behavior, and your relationship with him changed you, and how do you feel about those changes? Be brutally honest with yourself. Who are you today? And do you like that person or do you want to be someone better? I suggest you do this as a way of giving yourself perspective. If you were to again go back to this guy, who would you then become, and would you like that person more than the person you are or could be without him around? Different people bring out different sides of our personalities, not all of which we truly want to be or even like. Do you like who you become when you are with this man? Does his mere presence in your life encourage you and support you in your efforts to be your best? Some people take so much from us, slowly, over time, without us even being aware of it, that we become worn down and no longer have anything left to give, losing part of who we are in the process. Not until that drain gets closed do we realize the incredible weight that has lifted from our shoulders, and see the chains that were holding us down. Only after the drain is closed and the chains are gone can we again start to rediscover our true selves. I've been there. Even with the loss and the heartache of a relationship ended, the feeling of freedom is incredible, and the power to start again is overwhelming. I think that if you truly want to move on past this man, especially since you run in the same social circles, you will absolutely NEED to get closure on this relationship. No more options to go back and start over. I think you should approach him with such a conversation, but only when you are truly ready. Before you do so, I think you need to do a lot of writing and thinking and figure out exactly how you feel about both him and the relationship and what it did to you and for you. I believe that it is possible to love someone on a certain level, caring about their well-being, wanting the best for them, and NOT be with them as a long term partner. I think this is especially the case when other life factors don't match and personal lifestyle incompatabilities exist. Sometimes with such people it is better to be just friends and remove the possibility of another romantic relationship from consideration through both discussions and actions. You always have a choice as to how you will respond to a given situation. Make up your mind. Figure out how you truly feel and WHY. Get your closure with this person. Eliminate the possibility of a continuation of the unhealthy romantic relationship with him in the future. Whatever your heart may say right now, your mind knows that you deserve better, and you do. Simply by being with you, this man probably felt his inadaquacies; even though you may have never verbally asked him to change, your simple presence and consideration of him as a partner told him that you expected him to measure up. It can't be avoided, it simply was the case. You asked for more than he could give and you expected more than he could give, and so you were dissapointed and ended up feeling like you shouldn't have asked in the first place. I know from experience that such interpersonal inequalities, unmet expectations and negative exchanges lead to a downward spiral of depression and self-worthlessness for the person who started out on the top. It isn't a fun pit of despair to climb out of, but it is possible. You'll make it. Just keep going. My thoughts are with you.
trustyman Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 By no means am I a relationship expert but I just wanted to throw a different perspective or angle on the situation. Did you ever think that maybe coming out of your divorce, something about this guy attracted you? Maybe he fulfilled the needs that you wanted that your ex-husband couldn't fill. Then after awhile you liked the qualities in him and you thought maybe you could help him or shape him into a person that he is not. More or less like a project... With your successful track record (an above average looking, intelligent, successful, thin 43 year old women) that you put in detail compared to his (below average, over weight, non motivated man). Maybe the reason you love him and are afraid to walk aways is because your afraid to fail. You can lead a horse to the water but you can't make him drink. Do yourself a favor and quit wasting your time on him. I know its easier said then done because I'm in a situation that I can't seem to walk away either. I hope this makes sense and if it doesn't I hope you can respect my opinion.
Author Racoon Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 First of all I want to say thank you. I do believe that this site is helping me extremely. Im not quit the basketcase that I have been in the past. I believe that it is a combination of giving and taking advise and the pre-occupation of time involved and evaluating my feelings and the events that happened and that fact that I am being heard. The fact that someone actually cares is quit refreshing. Thank you again. After reading the comment that I may just have a physical attraction to "him", I decided to change my mind about removing my self from our social event. Due to bad weather, it was a very small group of card players. I ended up sitting directly across the table from him and analyzed my feelings about him directly. We did make eye contact and I watched his behavior. Wow, he looked bad. Has really let himself go. No, I have decided that it is not physical attraction with him, it is the fun that we had together, it didnt matter if we were in public or not. I will look for the list. I could always use better ideas on how to deal with the contact. I am glad that I did attend. I feel as though I showed him that I am not affraid of our break up like in the past and that I am moving on with my head held high. Not to mention that I ran that table like a train on rails. lol I needed that. Calendula, you are correct in the assumption that the relationship with him has drug me down to the bottom of the pit. The old me would have walked away without the slightest blink of an eye. I think that I am ashamed of everything. The way that I have reacted, the torture that I have put upon myself and my children, the way that I repeatedly tried and tried. I agree that he did take alot from me, slowly over time and I am embarrased and ashamed that I wasnt aware of it. And Trustyman, your right also. I have to admit that I feel like a failure. Not that I ever wanted to "change" him, but the attempts of trying was to get back to the way we, or he was when we were first together. He slowly changed from spending time with me to the point of making sure that he wasnt with me much. He would prefer his beer with friends than to being with me. Maybe that is what you are talking about when you said, he felt inadaquact. I agree that I need closure. I almost broke NC to ask him to talk the other day to sit down and talk and get that closure for me. After running many scenario's through my mind, I kept coming up with the conclusion that he would not give me enough time to explain to get the closure that I needed. It would be the same old thing, he would realize where the conversation was going and walk away without listening. He calls it "Bitching", I call it communication. Just like the passive aggressive person does. Then once again, no closure for me. So I decided not to waste my time. Im working on my own closure and to hell with him. He can go back to his empty house and his cold bed and Im moving on with the help of all you wonderful people. I have re-established contact with some of my old friends. It was wonderful to hear from them that they have missed me. I needed that. "He" could never appreciate my old friends. They have class. I guess the "anger" stage in me hopes that he looks back and understands that I wasnt difficult to please. He was just too stubborn to give me what I needed. His life wont change. Mine will eventually:). His loss. Thank you again. I love this site.
Calendula Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I think that I am ashamed of everything. The way that I have reacted, the torture that I have put upon myself and my children, the way that I repeatedly tried and tried. I agree that he did take alot from me, slowly over time and I am embarrased and ashamed that I wasnt aware of it. I have to admit that I feel like a failure. Not that I ever wanted to "change" him, but the attempts of trying was to get back to the way we, or he was when we were first together. I think you might already know this, but I figured it was worth saying: Forgive yourself. You don't have to be perfect and know everything all the time. Don't let those feelings of shame, embarrasment, and failure keep you down or keep you from doing better the next time around. Face those feelings head on, accept them and admit to feeling that way, take control of them instead of letting them control you, and move on with your life. So you didn't see it coming, you weren't aware of what what happening until after the fact; it happens this way for everyone. Sometimes the heart blinds the head, keeping you from seeing what is instead of what you want to see. But first and foremost: Forgive yourself for not being perfect.
Author Racoon Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 Ok, I've done pretty well the last few weeks of NC except when I run into him on a social level. I blew it the other night. I had too many to drink and started speaking my mind, then realized that I had to many and shut up. Still probably made a fool of myself. I know now that he has been pushing those passive-aggressive buttons. He sits in the bar across from my place of business everynight except for the one day (Monday that I am closed), then he goes to a different bar. He surrounds himself with his buddies. When we are in our social time, he offers to buy everyone a round of drinks, which when we were together, he rarely bought me drinks. My heart still wants something. Not sure if it is him or closure. I want to move on and I am trying very hard. I dont call him or text him, but there he is. Looking like he is on top of the world with his buddies, laughing, being happy, free as a bird, while I am not finding joy in anything. I cried, feeling like I was crazy yesterday. Today, I feel anxious. And Im not sure why. I dont want to go back to the way things were. I broke up with him! Why do I feel like the victim. He really did treat me like **it. I have never had trouble walking away before. Why now. Why him. Why, why, why. I cant get it out of my head. I really want to go out with someone else just to rub it into his face. To look as happy as him. I know deep down he would be jealous. I want to get even, but I know that is not right and I dont want to use someone like that, plus I dont want that reputation as "getting around" in our small town. I am so frustrated right now. How can I find the closure that I need by myself. I dont have family and my poor children dont understand. Help. I need inspiration, stories or just opinions. Im feeling very insecure for being the secure person I was.
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