Bookworm123 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Hello all. First post. Sorry it's so long, but hopefully with more details this could be beneficial to more than just me. I met a girl who works the front desk at the school library. From the few times we talked, I could tell she was shy and a little awkward, in a very similar manner to me. Anyways, I thought this girl was worth the effort, so I asked her out. To my pleasant surprise she said "yes". Unfortunately though, she was busy with school and work, and the days she was available I was unavailable. We exchanged numbers and agreed to contact each other in a week. Just about a week later, before I contacted her, she sent a text and stated she was really swamped with school and wasn't looking for a relationship at this time. I felt this was a polite rejection (she doesn't seem the type to play hard to get), so I let things be and went along my way. A couple of months later, we ran into each other on campus and I gathered the courage to at least see if her schedule lightened up and a date was possible. Given I had previously asked her out and some of my initial questions, I'm sure her woman's intuition knew what was coming (that is to say I don't think I surprised her when I asked her out). I asked her to meet up as friends because I knew as a shy person, going into any type of relationship slow would be more comfortable. Again to my surprise, she said "yes", and the next day we went to a bookstore/coffee shop on campus. We ended up talking for approximately 3 hours. The conversation was understandably slightly awkward, but we had some good laughs and exchanged a lot of personal information. However, when I called for a second "date", she suddenly was busy again. Because of her somewhat inconsistent (yes, no, yes, no) responses, I can't tell if she's legitimately busy, not interested, or nervous about letting her guard down. I only add the last possibility because I know in myself, when I'm not completely comfortable with a situation (people I don't know, events I don't want to participate) I can withdraw in my shyness shell. It's not that I'm completely adverse to doing something, but sometimes I may need a push and I hope she just needs a little encouragement. Any questions or comments would be most appreciated.
Kinder-Horror Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Sometimes girls have a hard time saying no face-to-face... especially when it is a genuinely nice guy. So if they aren't attracted in that way, they say yes, but then things happen to come up. Or she might actually be busy! My only thought is that, if she was genuinely busy but actually interested, it seems like she would text/call you at points when she is free. Also - if she is shy, group gatherings are a good idea... but make sure to let her know she can bring a friend. A shy girl surrounded by you and a bunch more people she doesn't know will only discourage her more.
ivalm Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 She knows your number. Ask her out again and if she says no tell her to call you when she gets free. Start looking for other girls, perhaps this one will call you, then you can pick it up with her (or not, if you find someone else), and if she doesn't call you then she doesn't like you and you won't be wasting your time on her.
Author Bookworm123 Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 Thanks for your input Kinder and ivalm. It seems you both are of the same opinion and I tend to agree with you that she's not interested and too afraid to say no face-to-face. I guess I'm just holding out hope because especially after our conversation, I got the impression we were very similar, including in our shyness. I could easily see her not wanting to call or text me because even though she knows I like her, it takes a lot of courage to put herself out there unknowing of what may come. I've actually experienced a similar situation where a girl I was on the fence about called a few times and we had some good conversations, but when she didn't call for a week I didn't pursue her. Maybe she was testing my interest, but I wasn't yet comfortable enough to initiate a call to her, and I was already rationalizing the missed opportunity when she called again. We ended up dating for a year, pretty much all because of her persistence. Maybe I'm projecting too much of myself onto this girl, but that's where I honestly feel I am with her. I think she's on the fence. I'm not her crush, but I'm not on the other end of the spectrum either.
Recommended Posts