sweetblubrry Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 (edited) I have been dating my boyfriend for 7 months and he is wonderful. He treats me well and we never have any fights or anything. He makes me happy, laugh a lot, and I love all the times that we spend together. He tells me that he loves me and I say it to him as well. He always calls me back when I call or text... eventually within a day or so. He is very affectionate in person as well. One of the first issues we had was his communication style. He is just not ap hone person and does not like being on the phone or calling/texting. He barely sends over 200 texts a month and most are to me. I have learned to adjust to his communication style and he has called me more over time as we have compromised. However sometimes I feel especially lately that he is emotionally disconnected.... not that he is from me but he spends a lot of time in his hobbies... Computers, video games, work, etc. When we do spend time together usually it is something that I planned. He is not a social person as in he does not enjoy being around a group of people. He would rather be at home doing tech stuff than out socializing with people (thought he WILL go) I wish that he would plan something sometime. He claims he just goes with the flow whereas I definitely like to have plans in advance so usually i beat him to it. Also, sometimes I feel like we'll be out somewhere and he does all the right things like pay for dinner, hold open the door,... but its like he's not "there". you know? I have this book called dealbreakers:when to walk away or work on a relatonship and it described him as the invisible man. The man who has a hard time becoming emotionally close because he doesn't want judgements passed on him by others. Stuff in that nature. Also sexually, it mentioned that he is very affectionate but he just does not initiate sex. It is very frustrating for me... he is distracted by other things like the computer (yes he is kind of a nerd) rather than me. I asked him about it and he claims that he is more the cuddle type.... Sex isn't that big a deal to me but it would be nice every once in awhile. I am wondering what I can do about this and if anyone else has experienced this issue and was able to resolve it. I love him and don't want to lose him but I would like him to give a little more (i'm pretty sure guys are notorious for giving less). But I also don't want to sound like the whiny gf. He really is a good guy.... very sweet. He doesn't have that much experience with dating... only about 3 years (we are 25) I may partly feel disconnected because I haven't talked to him in 4 days (he is overseas) and is coming back today. I still have yet to hear from him but his phone was off when I called him (that NEVER happens unless its dead) and I know he will get back to me soon if not tomorrow. This is the longest I've gone without talking to him so I don't know maybe thats why I'm rambling. :/ Any insight? Edited January 14, 2011 by sweetblubrry
spiderowl Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 He's emotionally distant, doesn't communicate as much as you'd like (though 200 texts a month sound more than adequate to me), and he prefers his computers and other past-times to having sex with you. Although he does sound a sweet, considerate guy, it doesn't sound ideal to me and I'd be starting to wonder if I was in the right relationship. It's possible that having caught you, he's relaxed into the relationship and doesn't realise the difference in behaviour. You could try to engage him again, by being playful for instance, but this may have limited success if he's following a pattern natural to him. You can only try it and see really. It just seems you want more from him than he's giving you. So you've either got to accept less, try to change the situation with him, or consider breaking up. It must seem pretty unfair.
Author sweetblubrry Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 Its also possible that he could be relaxed in the relationship... we are at the seven month mark. He also used to be more persistant in the beginning like most guys are. Sexually, I could definitely come on stronger and he would probably like that anyways. Or I could talk to him about it. He will have sex if I ask.... It just makes me feel desired if he initates it. Anybody else? He just seems to be the more passionate type of guy. I am definitely the leader in the relationship. Just would like to know what I can do to work on it.. I know for a fact that if I bring it up, he will try to fix it. He is the type of guy who wants to work on things rather than get cocky, think its my problem, and walk away.
SteveC80 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 women want dominant men.men that are better then them so to speak and havemore status.you feel hes ower thenyou and are losing attraction women are also submissive by nature and want men to lead.if a women has to lead or make decisions she feels less feminine and loses attraction
Author sweetblubrry Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 Personally, I don't like that type of guy. Cause all they do is break your heart. I believe in an equal partnership where you are both at the same level. I feel uncomfortable being in a relationship where the guy is dominant cause I feel like I work for him and he calls all the shots. And if there is something wrong, it is his decision whether we break up or not. Nope definitely do NOT like that type. I'm done dating that.
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