ClayMatthews Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Second post here, I wrote one a week ago about running into my ex at a bar two months after the breakup. I handled it with maturity, she acted a little silly. Anyways, I this point, the no contact deal, which I am very good at, is just getting old. I'm starting to think I can move along better if I just call or write a letter and get my last remaining thoughts off my chest. My ex has moved on to a new guy and is most likely happy, though she did some strange stuff (dance right next to me to show how happy she was, "accidently" stumble into me, send a mean texts at 2:30 am about being there, just attention getting stuff). I really feel like reaching out and calling a truce. You know, I loved, respected, cared for her, after a year of dating she no long felt that way, and moved on to someone else. Of course it sucks, but I want to forgive and move on. I don't want her back, the girl I met and fell in love with is long gone, I just want to be at peace with her and with myself. Though relationships end, that person is always going to be a part of who we are and how we look at the world. Here are the things I would say. - I want to look back on our time together and be happy - you burned me bad, it hurts, and that's how I know our relationship was one worth having. I have learned a lot of hard lessons, but the memories I will carry with me forever. - you broke my heart, it's tough, the mean texts and trying to show me up me every time we come in contact is really not necessary - I wish you the best in life and your new relationship Now, please, everyone tell me I am killing myself by doing this and to maintain no contact to the bitter end! I'm just thinking, hey, I saw her a few days ago, she broke the seal so to speak, if I am ever gonna let bygones be bygones, now is the time. Not to be friends, just to let the ship sail. Your responses are greatly appreciated, I love this forum.
500daysofsummer Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 stay strong man. don't do it. keep on NCing her
Duckduckgoose Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 She's acting like a child, don't validate her behaviour with a response. Keep your chin up, easier said then done.
Ajax Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I was tempted to send a letter to my ex for a while. Bottom line though is that it won't make a bit of difference, and you'll know she gets the satisfaction of knowing she got to you the night you ran into her. She hurt you and then acted like a jealous little girl when she saw you with someone else, while you kept your cool and came off dignified and mature. Don't lower yourself to her level now. You know what the relationship meant to you, but clearly it didn't mean as much to her or she would have stayed. I know it's harsh, but it's true.
twinrexes Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 1. Write down everything you have to say. Everything you feel, would like her to know, wish you had said, etc. Spill your guts. 2. Tear up the letter or burn it. 3. Do NOT let her take up residence in your head. She doesn't pay rent, so she doesn't belong there ;-)
Kansas Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Be strong - DON'T DO IT! You're just going to feel worse after wards. I'm finally doing NC after over 2 years. Each time I tried it before I found an excuse, much like you're doing now to contact him and it just made me feel worse. You're gonna kick yourself hard after wards. And everything you've done up until this point will be in vain. Stay strong!
Fern Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 By all means write that letter and get it out of you - but don't send it. Unless you're TRULY completely over her it won't help anything, it'll make her feel better and make you feel worse. And if you were truly over her you wouldn't care this much.
Author ClayMatthews Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 Thanks everyone for your responses. I'm feeling right now like I need a kick in the pants to move along faster. I am hitting a wall with the no contact. I really am sick of being friends with my ex on facebook, though I don't look at her page, her icon still pops up every now and then. I would have blocked her a long time ago if I didn't feel I would be stooping down to her level by doing it. I think blocking would be nice, but also would give her some satisfaction, and would be the only immature thing I have done throughout the whole deal. What do you guys think?
Fern Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Thanks everyone for your responses. I'm feeling right now like I need a kick in the pants to move along faster. I am hitting a wall with the no contact. I really am sick of being friends with my ex on facebook, though I don't look at her page, her icon still pops up every now and then. I would have blocked her a long time ago if I didn't feel I would be stooping down to her level by doing it. I think blocking would be nice, but also would give her some satisfaction, and would be the only immature thing I have done throughout the whole deal. What do you guys think? If it will make you feel better and help you to heal - do it. Repeat after me: 'I do not care what my ex thinks or feels about my actions. She is not my problem anymore. Everything I do is to take care of myself. Her reactions do not factor in my decisions. I do what is best for me.'
Recommended Posts