Girl dumped me out of the blue. Trying to move on but having a really hard time.

[Stradman30]

My ex gf and I dated for 2 years and I was her everything. She had moved from another state, was pretty shy, and attended my high school and I took her under my wing and showed her fun things to do around town. It then evolved into a relationship from there. She wasn't only my gf but she was my best friend. I loved her like crazy..We spent tons of time together, and when ever we weren't together we text messaged. We spoke every night on the phone about our day and to say goodnight. I treated her so well and we had an amazing relationship until the start of this year. We attend the same college in the same town as the high school we attended. Im a college sophomore and I moved her (a college freshman) into her dorm at the start of the year. A week went by and we spent a lot of time together moving her in, showing her around school, etc. The first weekend of school she wasn't feeling very good so I spent the night with her in her dorm and we watched a movie and just took it easy. I kissed her goodnight and walked back home. The next morning at 6 am I get a text that says "we cant be together anymore" from her. This was all without warning and I was super confused. I called her and asked her "why" and I was an absolute mess. She told me she was busy all day and couldn't meet up to talk about it until that night. So the whole day I was freaking out about what I could have done blah blah blah. So that night I go and meet with her and she says "I can't be with you because I need to find out who I am and I need to be alone to do that. You have been an amazing bf and I still love you a lot. But I just cant be with you anymore." So....I was just confused again by her reasoning..and I went home, respected her wish, and gave her her space..she texted me and then wouldn't respond back for longer and longer as the conversations would progress. Then she wouldn't answer any of my calls. I was getting info from other people that she says she sees absolutely no future back together with me but she still loves me a ton. I was so confused from everything and then, after about 3 weeks, I get a call from a girl I have never really talked to. And she says to me that my ex was hooking up with her bf and that she just found out about it and thought I deserved to know. I was sad and upset so I went down to my ex's dorm and confronted her and got her to spit out the truth. She confessed she was doing that stuff and that the guy said he was single to her blah blah blah. She said it wasn't right of her to do because she wasn't fully over me and still had very strong feelings for me. She cried to me and apologized and I just said "ok, you still have a lot to figure out about yourself" and left. she started sending texts about being sorry and stuff. I kept saying ok, its fine. but I ignored her after saying it once and then went into no contact because she wasn't making the additional effort of wanting me back or even trying to save the relationship on a friend level. I didn't understand her intentions at all by saying sorry a million times. She was a pretty straight laced girl through our relationship. Never smoked, and drank very little and as soon as she was single she started hanging with a new group. she started smoking a lot and drinking a lot. I blocked her on fb and deleted her number but after 3 weeks of no contact I found out from a friend that she got a new bf. Her new boyfriend doesn't compare to myself and is a stoner type of guy. They seem pretty low key, they have mutual friends, and she met him right after I stopped talking to her so she hadn't known him previously. I still have not spoken with her. I never confronted her about her new relationship and don't plan on it. She has my belongings and hasn't tried to return them and the only thing i've heard from her since her new relationship was a text the day after christmas saying "Im so sorry, I treated you like **** l hope you had a nice christmas. And that if you don't respond I'll leave you alone for good. Sorry, again".. Its been about 3 weeks since then and haven't heard a word from her. They were official a few days before winter break. She's been with this guy for a month and a half but they didn't see each other for more than a few days over winter break which was almost month long. I have no idea about how far they've gone sexually, how serious it is (it seems low key), and how much they hang out. I know nothing and I don't want to know the details really. I just don't understand how she could do all this to me and jump right into a new relationship so fast?..... I am still in no contact but think of/miss her everyday. Im in counseling, and have just been going about my life trying my hardest to move on. Im keeping busy, hanging with friends , and having fun, but she's constantly on my mind. I see her sometimes at school but never with her bf. I also see him sometimes at school but never with her. I just wonder if she'll ever come crawling back and realize how great I was to her or if she'll never talk to me again? She just seems insecure but I try not worry about her and just focus on myself. What should I do? Continue NC? Do you think she'll ever come to her senses?... I have kept telling myself if she truly loves me she'll be back and if not then it was for the best but she's constantly in my mind.

[timchambo]

very far from an expert here. Sounds to me like she just got bored maybe. Nothing wrong with you. I am going through something very similar, but we were together much longer. I think with some young women they get curious and forget what they have may be great. No telling if she will contact you again, though I suspect she will. By saying she will leave you alone for good I think it was an attempt to get you to budge. As I am writing this my ex's Mom is calling me. I reallly dont want to take that call.

 

I think your paths will cross one day at school and maybe that will be your time to show you have moved on. That might be all it takes to get her to see what she lost. Good luck man, trust me I understand what your feeling.

[Stilicho]

hey man, i feel for you. im going through pretty much the exact same thing, but substitute your ex's pothead bf for a wigger 4 yrs older than her(shes 20). i cant get her out of my head, but i have been doing my best to pass the time, including hitting the gym religiously. its strange, i know, but you gotta keep pushing on. its been a little over 3 weeks since its happened, and tomm is a week nc. shes in 2 of my classes next semester, which starts in 2 weeks, and although i miss her dearly, im also enraged to think of how she could treat me like she did after everything ive done for her. part of me wants her back, the rest says avoid like a plague. idk, but i really think these cases of g.i.g.s stem from insecurity as well. kep your head up, and remember, its not ur fault....

[twinrexes]

She wants to try new things. College is a whole different ball game from High School. She came in under your wing in High School and stayed there. Then you moved her in to her college dorm and started to take her under your wing again. And she realized there was a lot of new things to do, people to meet, places to go. A whole world she hadn't experienced yet and wanted to. By herself. Without anyone else's guidance.

 

I'm sure it has nothing to do with who you are or how good a boyfriend you were. I've seen this happen SO many times I can't count (I'm fifty one years old so I'm not exaggerating!).

 

Not surprising that she picked someone completely different from you and is doing things that aren't at all like the girl you knew. She's experimenting. I did a lot of that myself, when I first left home (age 16).

 

So there's really not a thing you can do but go about your business and let her come to her own conclusions. She may be back, may not. All depends on how she matures during her time at school.

[Stradman30]

Yeah, I was in college when she was a senior in high school though and didn't go through this stage of trying new things and was totally fine. I don't understand mostly why she did that to me and hopped right back into a relationship. Maybe its just a indication of her immaturity and insecurity. Like she told me. She wanted to learn things by herself so... how is getting into a relationship being by herself. it's all just super confusing to me and I don't see her intentions at all. She knows what she put me through for sure. It just shows me she doesn't even care about me and that she's selfish and ungrateful for everything. I know plenty of relationships that end and the people remain in contact and are friends at least. She just dropped a bomb and peaced. I guess my thoughts are when is it going to catch up with her and if it will.

[timchambo]

This is the same thing that happened to me. Only we were engaged and lived together for over 7 years. She said "I need to know how to do things on my own". Meanwhile she moves home with her parents and is "talking" to another guy. Dont know that immaturity applies in my case. Again no sign that she even has any emotions about what she just threw away at all. I have to assume their feelings are masked by the fact they are taking what they want, and they didnt really "lose" anything. My only hope is one day she can feel what I have to feel now. Maybe I am mean for feeling this way, but thats just how I feel right now.

[Stradman30]

She came up to me in the library today and said "your alive?" and I said yeah and she said "how r u?" and I said I was doing good. And she said "are you sure?" I said I was sure and that was the extent of the convo and then she left. Who knows what will happen next. she left her bf's side to come to talk to me which was kinda weird. I can tell she still feels like crap but she just left and I didn't chase. Im not expecting a text or anything but we'll see. just kind of weird. I was lookin' good too and she was pretty timid. so we'll see what happens next.

[Stilicho]

keep us posted stradman, its just so strange how similar your situatio is to mine. every time ive seen her since(although today is day 7 NC), she has been timid or kinda jumpy/nervous. shes in 2 of my classes next semester, starting in 2 weeks, and one is real small, so being around her is gonna be unavoidable. ive basically been the same way as you towards her, and am obviously trying to see where it all goes. keep your head up though man, and remember, youre better than her.

[bluestar8us]

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My ex gf and I dated for 2 years and I was her everything. She had moved from another state, was pretty shy, and attended my high school and I took her under my wing and showed her fun things to do around town. It then evolved into a relationship from there. She wasn't only my gf but she was my best friend. I loved her like crazy..We spent tons of time together, and when ever we weren't together we text messaged. We spoke every night on the phone about our day and to say goodnight. I treated her so well and we had an amazing relationship until the start of this year. We attend the same college in the same town as the high school we attended. Im a college sophomore and I moved her (a college freshman) into her dorm at the start of the year. A week went by and we spent a lot of time together moving her in, showing her around school, etc. The first weekend of school she wasn't feeling very good so I spent the night with her in her dorm and we watched a movie and just took it easy. I kissed her goodnight and walked back home. The next morning at 6 am I get a text that says "we cant be together anymore" from her. This was all without warning and I was super confused. I called her and asked her "why" and I was an absolute mess. She told me she was busy all day and couldn't meet up to talk about it until that night. So the whole day I was freaking out about what I could have done blah blah blah. So that night I go and meet with her and she says "I can't be with you because I need to find out who I am and I need to be alone to do that. You have been an amazing bf and I still love you a lot. But I just cant be with you anymore." So....I was just confused again by her reasoning..and I went home, respected her wish, and gave her her space..she texted me and then wouldn't respond back for longer and longer as the conversations would progress. Then she wouldn't answer any of my calls. I was getting info from other people that she says she sees absolutely no future back together with me but she still loves me a ton. I was so confused from everything and then, after about 3 weeks, I get a call from a girl I have never really talked to. And she says to me that my ex was hooking up with her bf and that she just found out about it and thought I deserved to know. I was sad and upset so I went down to my ex's dorm and confronted her and got her to spit out the truth. She confessed she was doing that stuff and that the guy said he was single to her blah blah blah. She said it wasn't right of her to do because she wasn't fully over me and still had very strong feelings for me. She cried to me and apologized and I just said "ok, you still have a lot to figure out about yourself" and left. she started sending texts about being sorry and stuff. I kept saying ok, its fine. but I ignored her after saying it once and then went into no contact because she wasn't making the additional effort of wanting me back or even trying to save the relationship on a friend level. I didn't understand her intentions at all by saying sorry a million times. She was a pretty straight laced girl through our relationship. Never smoked, and drank very little and as soon as she was single she started hanging with a new group. she started smoking a lot and drinking a lot. I blocked her on fb and deleted her number but after 3 weeks of no contact I found out from a friend that she got a new bf. Her new boyfriend doesn't compare to myself and is a stoner type of guy. They seem pretty low key, they have mutual friends, and she met him right after I stopped talking to her so she hadn't known him previously. I still have not spoken with her. I never confronted her about her new relationship and don't plan on it. She has my belongings and hasn't tried to return them and the only thing i've heard from her since her new relationship was a text the day after christmas saying "Im so sorry, I treated you like **** l hope you had a nice christmas. And that if you don't respond I'll leave you alone for good. Sorry, again".. Its been about 3 weeks since then and haven't heard a word from her. They were official a few days before winter break. She's been with this guy for a month and a half but they didn't see each other for more than a few days over winter break which was almost month long. I have no idea about how far they've gone sexually, how serious it is (it seems low key), and how much they hang out. I know nothing and I don't want to know the details really. I just don't understand how she could do all this to me and jump right into a new relationship so fast?..... I am still in no contact but think of/miss her everyday. Im in counseling, and have just been going about my life trying my hardest to move on. Im keeping busy, hanging with friends , and having fun, but she's constantly on my mind. I see her sometimes at school but never with her bf. I also see him sometimes at school but never with her. I just wonder if she'll ever come crawling back and realize how great I was to her or if she'll never talk to me again? She just seems insecure but I try not worry about her and just focus on myself. What should I do? Continue NC? Do you think she'll ever come to her senses?... I have kept telling myself if she truly loves me she'll be back and if not then it was for the best but she's constantly in my mind.

[bluestar8us]

keep us posted stradman, its just so strange how similar your situatio is to mine. every time ive seen her since(although today is day 7 NC), she has been timid or kinda jumpy/nervous. shes in 2 of my classes next semester, starting in 2 weeks, and one is real small, so being around her is gonna be unavoidable. ive basically been the same way as you towards her, and am obviously trying to see where it all goes. keep your head up though man, and remember, youre better than her.

 

Hey,

 

What does NC stand for please?

[Stilicho]

excuse me?? what exactly are you trying to say?

 

if i say keep us posted, im saying let us know how hes doing, and were there for him. im in NC myself, but im also realistic. we go to the same college, and if shes in my class, i might have to converse with her in some respect.

[500daysofsummer]

Hey,

 

What does NC stand for please?

 

NC is no contact