kwist Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 This is a thread to see how many people out there truly believe they are good and honest when it comes to being loyal in a relationship. To the people who can still get drunk while at a party, bar, someone's house, with the opposite sex, etc. but would never cheat. To the people who would work out problems with loved ones instead of cheating to fill that gap. To the people that would break up instead of cheating if they "fell out of love" or "it wasn't working anymore" or any other excuse. To the people who have been hit on before, but politely informed the person they were in a relationship. To the people who stick things out through the good and bad. To the people that never give up on their loved one. To the people that ended friendships because it began to threaten their relationship. This thread is for you. Thank you.
january2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 To the people that never give up on their loved one. In my experience, there comes a point where one has to choose between moving on to bigger and better things and stagnating in denial.
Eeyore79 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I will admit I have cheated before. I didn't want to stay in the relationship but I was scared to break up and be by myself; I didn't want to let go until I had a replacement. It was safe and comfortable, I got to live in a nice apartment which I couldn't have afforded by myself, he drove me around in his car... I didn't want to be with him but I didn't know how to be alone. Messing around with someone else was a bad thing to do, partly because the someone else wasn't right for me either; this new person was just an escape from the unsatisfactory relationship I was in. I think one of the main reasons people cheat is because they want to move on but are scared of letting go of what they already have. A couple of times I swung straight from one bad relationship to the next, using each as an escape from the previous one. In the end I managed to find myself and get used to being alone. I would never cheat again - partly because I've experienced the devastation that it causes, and partly because I don't need to. Now I am capable of ending a relationship which doesn't work; I am capable of being alone. I don't need to find a replacement before I can walk away from the previous relationship; I can walk away and be by myself.
810 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 This is a thread to see how many people out there truly believe they are good and honest when it comes to being loyal in a relationship. To the people who can still get drunk while at a party, bar, someone's house, with the opposite sex, etc. but would never cheat. To the people who would work out problems with loved ones instead of cheating to fill that gap. To the people that would break up instead of cheating if they "fell out of love" or "it wasn't working anymore" or any other excuse. To the people who have been hit on before, but politely informed the person they were in a relationship. To the people who stick things out through the good and bad. To the people that never give up on their loved one. To the people that ended friendships because it began to threaten their relationship. This thread is for you. Thank you. Thank you too :bunny:
SmileFace Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 What exactly is considered cheating? I think many should take that into consideration.
Jazzari Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 What exactly is considered cheating? I think many should take that into consideration.Ouch. If you have to ask for a definition, then it sounds like trouble to me. Kudos to all the people who are faithful.
SmileFace Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Ouch. If you have to ask for a definition, then it sounds like trouble to me. Kudos to all the people who are faithful. I'm not asking . People are so quick to claim they have been faithful yet many don't take into consideration what cheating maybe. Anyway I don't want to be a downer. So Congrats to all of those who never cheated. Congrats to myself as well.
Keridan Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I think most people know if they have cheated or not. Even an EA. Especially considering one of the main differences is that they feel guilty (hopefully ) No clear definition, methinks, because it depends on the boundaries of the specific relationship.
Star Gazer Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I can't absolutely guarantee many things in a relationship, but fidelity was and always will be one of them. So, you're welcome.
zengirl Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 OP, good sentiments. Like Star Gazer, there are many things I can't promise, but fidelity is pretty easy. I'm in a relationship -- and faithful -- or else I would be getting out of it. Happy to see Eyeore79's description of why people might cheat, though. Interesting stuff. I always say, "I don't understand why anyone cheats" but there are reasons and patterns -- not saying that makes it right -- and learning that helps make more sense of things for me. This should be a male only thread. Huh? Why?
Woggle Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I am far from Me Perfect but I am honest and for that reason I will never cheat. I know what it feels like be cheated on and I will never inflict that on another person.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Huh? Why? From my experience the women who say "I will never cheat", wind up cheating. Men who decide they will not cheat... never even tempt themselves. If you really look at cheating, female cheaters rationalize every tiny step. They hold themselves accountable for very little. Male cheaters are more accountable in their own minds and there is much less emotional fog involved. So... this thread should be for the guys who won't cheat. We know in advance. Women don't know how they will react until the situation is upon them.
Pyro Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Men who decide they will not cheat... never even tempt themselves. :lmao: You don't read enough of LS obviously. Both genders are equally capable of cheating.
zengirl Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 From my experience the women who say "I will never cheat", wind up cheating. Men who decide they will not cheat... never even tempt themselves. If you really look at cheating, female cheaters rationalize every tiny step. They hold themselves accountable for very little. Male cheaters are more accountable in their own minds and there is much less emotional fog involved. So... this thread should be for the guys who won't cheat. We know in advance. Women don't know how they will react until the situation is upon them. This is just your own bias. Women are just as capable (if not more so, frankly, since we discuss relationships more, on average) as being reflective and logical as men on these matters, and it's only your own bias that keeps you from seeing/meeting said women.
Woggle Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 :lmao: You don't read enough of LS obviously. Both genders are equally capable of cheating. Both genders certainly are capable but on an average though there certainly are exceptions men who cheat are very cold and calculating while in many cases you get a happily married woman who is smiled at by her coworker and all of a sudden she falls out of love with her husband. Both are wrong.
flying Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 From my experience the women who say "I will never cheat", wind up cheating. Men who decide they will not cheat... never even tempt themselves. If you really look at cheating, female cheaters rationalize every tiny step. They hold themselves accountable for very little. Male cheaters are more accountable in their own minds and there is much less emotional fog involved. So... this thread should be for the guys who won't cheat. We know in advance. Women don't know how they will react until the situation is upon them. What a load of crap. Way to turn a positive thread into yet another bullsxt gender bullsxt pile of bullsxt. So is this what you think of your GF, then? Or are you going to drag the American women thing into this thread too? We've all missed it so.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 What a load of crap. Way to turn a positive thread into yet another bullsxt gender bullsxt pile of bullsxt. So is this what you think of your GF, then? Or are you going to drag the American women thing into this thread too? We've all missed it so. I get your point. Sorry, it was wrong of me to drop that in this thread.
carhill Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I've walked the path, failed and succeeded, and can salute you with appreciation.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 This is a thread to see how many people out there truly believe they are good and honest when it comes to being loyal in a relationship. To the people who can still get drunk while at a party, bar, someone's house, with the opposite sex, etc. but would never cheat. To the people who would work out problems with loved ones instead of cheating to fill that gap. To the people that would break up instead of cheating if they "fell out of love" or "it wasn't working anymore" or any other excuse. To the people who have been hit on before, but politely informed the person they were in a relationship. To the people who stick things out through the good and bad. To the people that never give up on their loved one. To the people that ended friendships because it began to threaten their relationship. This thread is for you. Thank you. Thank. You. Very. Much. The only edit in the above post that I would make for myself is that I wouldn't get drunk in the first place because I wouldn't want to risk impairing my judgment. Drank once in the last nine years (did it at home). Wouldn't touch the stuff again. I liked the whole list, especially the part about ending friendships that threaten. I did this earlier this year and I am glad that I held to my personal integrity. I am far from Me Perfect but I am honest and for that reason I will never cheat. I know what it feels like be cheated on and I will never inflict that on another person. Ditto. From my experience the women who say "I will never cheat", wind up cheating. Men who decide they will not cheat... never even tempt themselves. If you really look at cheating, female cheaters rationalize every tiny step. They hold themselves accountable for very little. Male cheaters are more accountable in their own minds and there is much less emotional fog involved. So... this thread should be for the guys who won't cheat. We know in advance. Women don't know how they will react until the situation is upon them. Most people don't know how they will react until the situation is upon them. The situations start happening around 14-16. You start setting you character in then. From then on: not all females are cheaters and not all cheaters are female. Check your stats. Female cheaters use the emotional guise as justification (i.e. "I won't cheat unless I am in love, you can't control that."). Male cheaters often decide if it is worth the risk of getting caught. "If she doesn't know, it isn't a big deal and doesn't affect her." Neither course is correct. Same narcissism filtered through two different gender justifications. I have had two close friends in the last year. I think that they are emotionally and relationally immature. I think they will both cheat in their relationships. They way they think is reactive. They don't take responsibility for creating the environment (or not) where they develop these feelings. That crosses both genders. Me personally: I look at the list and stick with the same thought pattern I have had since the beginning of my relationship: If I am developing an attraction to someone else, I take a look at what I am missing in my own relationship. I know that the feelings of attraction are just information for me to use to improve my own life, just like any other feeling. The information I glean from that is that I feel lonely or uncared for because of "xyz." Then I reason out what is it and see if it can be fixed. If I can fix it myself, then I do, if I need my partner's help: then I ask. If it cannot be fixed, if that something missing cannot be repaired, then I ask myself if it is worth sacrificing the relationship over. (I don't believe in comparing one potential relationship against a current one, that's BS. A relationship should stand and fall on its own merits). So far I have decided that at long as there is something I can do to fix things up, I get my impulses firmly under control (including feelings of neglect and sorrow) and do what I need to do to stay present and faithful. Cheating is not an option. Putting a smear on my record puts a smear on my own philosophy and integrity. Screw that, I respect myself more then to say something lame like "I cheated because you worked too much" or "we never go out anywhere anymore." I am sure that our ancestors didn't get to go out to Applebee's every Friday night, and cheating shouldn't have been an option for them either. Has nothing to do with being female. Has everything to do with integrity. If you think that a woman is the type to get carried away by someone like the Old Spice guy, drop her ass. Both genders certainly are capable but on an average though there certainly are exceptions men who cheat are very cold and calculating while in many cases you get a happily married woman who is smiled at by her coworker and all of a sudden she falls out of love with her husband. Both are wrong. Agreed. I think often the signs of dysfunction are: men being completely underattached and women being overattached. It seems that men that cheat think very little of their wives to begin with: if she's got a problem with me cheating, tough. Or they don't think of her altogether. Women overattach, (not necessarily to their husbands) they just have so many needs that they expect one person to meet, and in the early stages of attraction guy #2 looks like a good candidate for that. Reality is, OM will put in more effort in the beginning to get laid. They view their H as not meeting their myriad of needs and therefore they are justified in getting someone else to at least meet their emotional/romantic ones. Ironically enough a lot of OM pick the married women so that they don't have to be as emotionally/romantically involved with her. LOL Both types of cheaters fail to recognize the proper role of their spouses (as well as their spouses very human limitations) in their lives and use it to springboard into personal indulgence.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Putting a smear on my record puts a smear on my own philosophy and integrity. Screw that, I respect myself more then to say something lame like "I cheated because you worked too much" or "we never go out anywhere anymore." I am sure that our ancestors didn't get to go out to Applebee's every Friday night, and cheating shouldn't have been an option for them either. Has nothing to do with being female. Has everything to do with integrity. If you think that a woman is the type to get carried away by someone like the Old Spice guy, drop her ass. I didn't just drop one... I dropped a whole nationality for lack of integrity. Just want to say I found your overall post intensely insightful. Ironically enough a lot of OM pick the married women so that they don't have to be as emotionally/romantically involved with her. LOL I was at a party with a guy that is 46 and pretty much a professional OM. He has zero morals, but he is decent looking and acts super cool.
sumdude Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Well so far in life I've been a faithful lover. I can't foretell the future. I have been cheated on and left by a spouse. I know how bad it feels.
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