Woggle Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I read constant threads on here about women having affairs and I know many men who have been cheated on but it seems that men get the bad rap when it comes to this subject. I am against it from either gender but it seems like infidelity is seen as something men do and when women do it it is somehow justified. It is either because he made her do it or the really anti-male women say that he deserves it because it is now payback time for men. Women cheat just as much as men and it isn't right either way to lie to a person.
Saxis Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Here's why: Men who cheat are pigs. Women who cheat are with pigs that drove them to it.
Jazzari Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Anyone who cheats is scum, man or woman. But I do think men cheat more often than women do.
Mad Max Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Anyone who cheats is scum, man or woman. But I do think men cheat more often than women do. Disagree. I'd say it's about equal. Men are just more likely to get caught.
ivalm Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Here's why: Men who cheat are pigs. Women who cheat are with pigs that drove them to it. :lmao:
carhill Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Heard over the years: 'My husband and I are separated' (living in the same house) 'It didn't mean anything' 'I just needed someone' 'We got a bit too close I guess' 'We didn't have sex or anything' 'My husband doesn't understand me' 'I still love my husband' 'We just talked' 'That was my repressed side' And my perennial favorite: 'you know I just love you as a friend' The twists and turns of rationalization. Essentially, if one doesn't *feel* that they've been unfaithful and clearly spells out 'explanations' and 'reasons', and then denies it, it didn't happen. Oh, my favorite invitation which I declined.... 'I need sex' TBH Wogs, I think both genders get a fair shake on LS regarding infidelity. I don't see any one gender getting a 'pass'. IRL, however, very different story, IME. YMMV
zengirl Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Don't think it's justified in any case, though women have a greater tendency to put forth more of a "case" in there own mind and communicate that to others when confiding or caught. Men, who by socialization, tend to communicate differently, and make the cheating more about the sex, in their discussion of it (on average) which is more salacious and less sympathetic than saying, "I felt emotionally ignored and blahblahblahblah sympathy cakes." Not saying I think the women ARE more sympathetic, but I understand (not agree with) the pathology of why they can come off more sympathetic to the general population, if that's what you're asking. Basically, they sell it better, overall. That said, all statistics tend to show male cheating (both caught and disclosed) tends to be higher than female cheating, which is perhaps why it's seen as a more male activity. Most statistics do say women are more likely to have emotional affairs than men, but these are harder for most folks to classify for obvious reasons. (Sticking a penis in a vagina is much more definitive than an emotional affair.) At any rate, cheating sucks. While it sucks, in cases where it was not habitual or based on sex itself -- where there was some emotional complication involved -- I do think it's best for both the cheater and the other partner to look at how the relationship became toxic, rather than ONLY viewing the infidelity and cheater as 100% wrong. The cheater is 100% wrong in their actions, but looking at where the relationship went wrong -- if there is a line of causation -- can be a useful exercise for building better relationships in future.
waynebrady Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Why would women cheat? They don't need sex, affection, intimacy, love from any man. Since they don't want it from their husband then why would they want it from another man?
mortensorchid Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Women cheat as much as men do, there is a double standard. Nowdays, women are more free to cheat than they were before because we are not weighed down with children at a younger age than before. Wrong? Well, yes it is wrong. When you are presented it is up to you to say "no". You have to ask yourself if you truly love and care for whoever it is you're with.
Linda9999 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I think a good part of the reason men get a bad rap about being cheaters is because historically men are the ones who have harems, use prostitutes, have mistresses etc. Women would be stoned to death for what was taken for granted all men did. It's only recently, historically speaking, that women have even been recognized as sexual beings and not just baby factories and/or penis receptacles in many cultures.
musemaj111 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 (edited) The reason men cheat more in numbers is simply because cheating men actually look for women to cheat with while cheating women wait for men to cheat with. Also, cheating men will cheat with any woman as long as she is new while cheating women will cheat only with men whom they deem better in every way or some ways than the man they are currently with (richer, more handsome, etc). Edited January 14, 2011 by musemaj111
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I read constant threads on here about women having affairs and I know many men who have been cheated on but it seems that men get the bad rap when it comes to this subject. I am against it from either gender but it seems like infidelity is seen as something men do and when women do it it is somehow justified. It is either because he made her do it or the really anti-male women say that he deserves it because it is now payback time for men. Women cheat just as much as men and it isn't right either way to lie to a person. Because we are all constantly told that men cheat more. However... I would seriously dispute this notion. The fact is that women just lie about it.... even in polls. If the real numbers were shown it would be truly staggering. My personal estimate is that about 60% of women cheat, compared to about 40% of men. Besides... those men who do cheat tend to be repeat offenders. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1211104/Think-men-unfaithful-sex-A-study-shows-WOMEN-biggest-cheats--theyre-just-better-lying-it.html
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Additional reading material. http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/sexsurv.htm If you have ever wondered why Men report having 4 average sexual partners and women 2... well here is the answer. Women LIE about it. Strap them to a lie detector and suddenly they double the number of sexual partners. Men barely change. So... if today we have a reasonable survey showing 30% of women cheat and 40% of men... it is more than reasonable to assume that number is in actuality double for women.
zengirl Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I think a good part of the reason men get a bad rap about being cheaters is because historically men are the ones who have harems, use prostitutes, have mistresses etc. Women would be stoned to death for what was taken for granted all men did. It's only recently, historically speaking, that women have even been recognized as sexual beings and not just baby factories and/or penis receptacles in many cultures. True enough. There are some ways of cheating that women almost never (statistically) foray into -- i.e. call "boys." The reason men cheat more in numbers is simply because cheating men actually look for women to cheat with while cheating women wait for men to cheat with. Also, cheating men will cheat with any woman as long as she is new while cheating women will cheat only with men whom they deem better in every way or some ways than the man they are currently with (richer, more handsome, etc). This is actually likely to be true, in the general psychology of each population. I would say that it is also what allows for more "excusing" (which I agree is a trend) of female cheating, on individual case basis, when it happens. Not saying it's right---just saying it illustrates why it happens. Most people I know would view these two situations very differently: 1.) Person A looks for partners to cheat with, cheats with multiple partners, and has no discernable reason, except wanting "new" sex to have cheated. 2.) Person B didn't look for a partner to cheat with, but found someone and grew close to him/her during a period where the relationship with the primary partner was strained, and had discernable reasons for being attracted to that particular new partner. Both are wrong, but are they equally wrong? Honestly, male or female, while they're equally hurtful, equally wrong, and equally dishonest, I do see a difference. And it's not really a gender thing perse. I've known men who've had the same mistress throughout a marriage, because of emotional reasons, and I find them much less distasteful than men who have been habitual cheaters and would cheat with anyone. Both are distasteful, both are wrong, but I do find one "more" wrong. Because we are all constantly told that men cheat more. However... I would seriously dispute this notion. The fact is that women just lie about it.... even in polls. There are other kinds of statistics. Men would have to lie less AND get caught more AND show more variables related to (physical) cheating for your theory to hold any water. The point that polls can be erroneous is true, of course---twice as many Americans claim to attend church as actually do, for instance---but it's not the only place the statistic comes from. At any rate, your "personal" guess of a statistic is far more biased than even those polls. . . since you have an obvious bias on this subject, as a man who was cheated on by a woman.
Els Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 The reason men cheat more in numbers is simply because cheating men actually look for women to cheat with while cheating women wait for men to cheat with. Also, cheating men will cheat with any woman as long as she is new while cheating women will cheat only with men whom they deem better in every way or some ways than the man they are currently with (richer, more handsome, etc). Actually, I think it is simply because society deems PA's as cheating more so than EA's. Women tend to form EAs more, and men PAs.
Citizen Erased Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 People usually think of cheating in the physical sense. Society, as a whole, have not gone beyond the thinking of men want and enjoy sex more than women. Women want sex if there's emotional attachment, men will screw anything half attractive that walks if given the chance. Women don't have sex with their husbands so they cheat. etc etc Men have always been empowered, until pretty recently women were property. If a man cheated before, the woman had to suck it up. If the woman did, they lost everything and were shunned. There is the impression that women have a lot of catching up to do before they're anywhere near on the same level. When really, these days it's that the individual that does is a selfish POS and it has nothing to do with their gender or statistics of who does it more so it can be proved one is more awful than the other. These people are just pathetic and I hope they feel the effect of the hurt they cause once they pass on from their miserable, selfish lives.
Citizen Erased Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Actually, I think it is simply because society deems PA's as cheating more so than EA's. Women tend to form EAs more, and men PAs. You read my mind.
Titania22 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Actually, I think it is simply because society deems PA's as cheating more so than EA's. Women tend to form EAs more, and men PAs. What are EAs and PAs?
carhill Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 EA= emotional affair PA= physical affair Obviously, some can be both. An EA cost me my marriage. No sex nor sexual innuendos were involved. Love was very much involved. The key difference was, and apparently some statistics in this thread support it, I disclosed voluntarily. The MW's in my past/present overwhelmingly did not. Perhaps that's smart of them, perhaps not. It is what it is.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 There are other kinds of statistics. Men would have to lie less AND get caught more AND show more variables related to (physical) cheating for your theory to hold any water. The point that polls can be erroneous is true, of course---twice as many Americans claim to attend church as actually do, for instance---but it's not the only place the statistic comes from. At any rate, your "personal" guess of a statistic is far more biased than even those polls. . . since you have an obvious bias on this subject, as a man who was cheated on by a woman. The one thing that the study proved is that the only way to get women to be truthful about cheating is to put them under a lie detector. Men have always been empowered, until pretty recently women were property. If a man cheated before, the woman had to suck it up. If the woman did, they lost everything and were shunned. There is the impression that women have a lot of catching up to do before they're anywhere near on the same level. When really, these days it's that the individual that does is a selfish POS and it has nothing to do with their gender or statistics of who does it more so it can be proved one is more awful than the other. These people are just pathetic and I hope they feel the effect of the hurt they cause once they pass on from their miserable, selfish lives. I think that is too much to hope for. Men are focused on positive outcomes and often ignore bad ones. Women focus on bad outcomes and try to avoid them entirely if possible. The actual consequences for adultery and cheating are pretty much zero. It makes no impact in a divorce case. What conclusion can you draw from that?
sumdude Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Individuals cheat, gender has nothing to do with it. That said I do believe women are better at hiding it. The drummer in my band is a bit of the ladies man. More than a few times he's ended up having a quickie fling with a married woman. They only wanted sex. Most of the time they didn't even disclose to him they were married. He didn't think much of it until he got a couple calls from the husbands.
sally4sara Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I read constant threads on here about women having affairs and I know many men who have been cheated on but it seems that men get the bad rap when it comes to this subject. I am against it from either gender but it seems like infidelity is seen as something men do and when women do it it is somehow justified. It is either because he made her do it or the really anti-male women say that he deserves it because it is now payback time for men. Women cheat just as much as men and it isn't right either way to lie to a person. It think it is similar to how some of the men on here say they don't make comment about when men do the stuff they say they don't like women doing because they don't date women. Also the same as how you only speak up to defend your own gender instead of speaking up about the actions regardless of gender. Women are more verbal. Straight ones date men. Result? More talking about men cheating. Then you add to it the attitude of men believing it is a bigger deal when they offer monogamy because they believe it is harder due to their testosterone levels. Higher testosterone means a higher sex drive - they will want more sex. Somehow many never seem to see that having more sex can be accomplished without having more partners or cheating.
Lovelybird Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 If the society allows a man has many wives, I think every man would love to have as many as they can get. It is how man is wired. But women aren't so. Have you ever heard that a woman had several husbands at the same time? Nope! women tend to bond with one man. Men tend to spread
lois_80 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 It's true that men seem to be "wired" to want many women, but do you guys think society could really function that way? It seems like it would introduce too many problems to be practical. I think the one man and one wife dynamic is best for society as a whole .
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