Ex initiaing contact to hang out as friend... but i think im falling for someone else

[aeion]

I saw my ex this morning before class. We had a light chat about life and new happenings. She extended a hand to hang out as friends this holiday weekend sometime.

 

The last time we hung out we pretty much acted like we were together minus the physical intimacy, except she would hold my hand, cuddle in the car etc...

 

Recently i started to develope serious feelings for a close friend of mine. She and i started sleeping together and having a really good time together. She's not from around my area but she's staying with me for the week and weve pretty much been acting like we were a couple in public. My friend is going out of town again (where she goes to school) but she made it clear that she wants to see if we can make it work. even so far as to suggest that we still date other ppl until she comes back to town. We are both people that rarely get into serious relationships so its def plausible haha

 

Now back to my ex... i was the dumpee in the break up (1 1/2 years together) and it was a pretty ugly time in my life. Although i didnt stalk her or anything, i handled the break up itself pretty badly, begged her back. She pretty much left me twice the first just to party and the for someone else when i became an emotional wreck when my best friend past away last year. GIGS for real: Partied alot, hook ups with alot of random guys, the college scene. I have since picked myself up dusted myself off, forgave her and realized my v2.0 potential. Since i have gotten my life back in place, in fact it reached heights i didnt think i could, my ex seems to want to hang out more, you know, just as friends.

 

Im just confused right now. any 2 cents is appreciated. I dont trust myself when dealing my ex.

Edited January 13, 2011 by aeion

[SDA]

Answers itself man. You don't trust yourself with your ex and she left you twice. If you can handle being friends go for it but if you think your gonna fall for her again don't go near her.

 

Keep it up with the new chick and have fun.

 

Good luck

[TaraMaiden]

Confucius he say:

Ex is ex for reason. Ex should remain in EXile.

EX Communicado.

 

Current is current for a reason. Go with the flow, there is a spark there.

Keep plugging at current.

Sooner or later, lightbulb moment will tell you I am right.

[Mrlonelyone]

Confucius he say:

Ex is ex for reason. Ex should remain in EXile.

EX Communicado.

 

Current is current for a reason. Go with the flow, there is a spark there.

Keep plugging at current.

Sooner or later, lightbulb moment will tell you I am right.

 

I heartily disagree. That way of looking at things is far too deterministic. As if the way things are reveals some truth. The way things are right now, is nothing but a moment in time and will be replaced with another unknowable status quo...

 

In other words Einstien Say Time is relative!

 

Ok enough philosphy.

 

You need to look inside your self for the real answer. Look deep inside yourself. Spend a day alone and really meditate on what YOU WANT.

 

If you are here asking then that means their is something the EX gave you that the current woman does not...something you miss.

 

Is whatever that is worth loosing what could be a good relationship with the current woman?

[aeion]

I dont think its that the EX gave me something that this new woman isnt... idk, i guess im a lil freaked that im feeling something that i thought i wouldnt: that new excited feeling of a new relationship with an incredible new person THAT COULD ACTUALLY WORK.

 

I guess i could say that im also scared (i admit) that this could really close the door of my EX that ive been trying to keep half open (just tryin to be honest).

 

Maybe im afraid of moving on? but thats stupid...

 

i mean why would i not want to move on? My ex made it pretty clear that im not a priority, just (and this is in her own words that i heard from a mutual friend) the man that she knows she should be with down the line. WTF?

 

is this normal?

[dng]

i mean why would i not want to move on? My ex made it pretty clear that im not a priority, just (and this is in her own words that i heard from a mutual friend) the man that she knows she should be with down the line. WTF?

 

is this normal?

 

I've heard that more than once in my life, from girls I've never seen again. Don't bite, she is confused.

 

As a friend recently told me, its only as dramatic as you make it to be.

 

I wish someone had told me that earlier, so here I am, passing it on to you.

 

My current ex told me "You are the love of my life, no one can ever take your place. A place, perhaps, but never yours." a week ago. Its wishful thinking, little girl dreams of prince charming and everlasting poetic love. The minute someone she really like appears, she'll give him that very same place, and so will I.

 

Its so egocentric to tell that to someone who's heart you broke. I dont like the sound of it, and they only say it to make themselves look and feel better about the situation.

Edited January 15, 2011 by dng

[0hpenelope]

Now back to my ex... i was the dumpee in the break up (1 1/2 years together) and it was a pretty ugly time in my life. Although i didnt stalk her or anything, i handled the break up itself pretty badly, begged her back.

 

It's ok. That's normal. When people want to leave us and we don't want them to leave, guess what we'll do? We'll ask them to stay. It's normal. At least you didn't sink into a different level of embarrassment, like stalking, asking a friend to talk to her and convince her otherwise, etc. As long as you didn't do anything worse, begging her back? While not one of your proud moments, it's completely normal. Of course you'd do that - you cared for her a lot and didn't want her to go. What we usually get people at is, when they beg the ex to come back way after the actual break up - and they keep begging for weeks. That's uh... no, stop.

 

Since i have gotten my life back in place, in fact it reached heights i didnt think i could, my ex seems to want to hang out more, you know, just as friends.

 

Ain't it funny how they poke around when you don't care enough to think of them in any way?

 

I guess i could say that im also scared (i admit) that this could really close the door of my EX that ive been trying to keep half open (just tryin to be honest).

 

I think that's normal, too. I mean, it sounds like you're in a very good position that you can go either way with this, but if the last hang out you had with your ex involved having problems with observing boundaries, then it's good that you're remembering that huge red flag.

 

Maybe im afraid of moving on? but thats stupid...

 

i mean why would i not want to move on? My ex made it pretty clear that im not a priority, just (and this is in her own words that i heard from a mutual friend) the man that she knows she should be with down the line. WTF?

 

is this normal?

 

:rolleyes: I'm going to freaking pull a muscle rolling my eyes so hard at that BS of a line. NO, that's not normal. That's someone who's so desperate to make the person she "supposedly" cares about feel better. If she knows she "should" be with you down the line, then she should also know that being with someone down the line involves not just passion and fun, but work.

 

People start getting stupid when they hear that relationships actually take work and once they have to pull in more weight than they previously did in the first month or 2 of the relationship, they want to run away because putting in the work isn't something they expected to do.

 

You're aces, bro. Give the new girl a shot, let her be the beneficiary of your newly learned lessons. At this point, I hope you realize that it's really your ex's loss for letting you go. As you said, your life changed when she left you - and now she's poking around to be your friend. :rolleyes: Man... people have a way of acknowledging your existence when they need something from you, don't they?

 

Btw, I've nothing against exes being friends. It's very doable. I just don't like how your ex presented herself to you and I'm sure she knows exactly what she's doing. She wanted freedom, she still has it. She should let you do your own thing because she was the one who left in the first place. (Another eye roll for the road!)

Edited January 15, 2011 by 0hpenelope

[aeion]

Update: We (me and my ex) hung out agin yesterday... we had a good time, went to lunch, laughed alot, deep talks about life and goals .

 

I noticed a few red flags though:

 

1. she started off the day with the HUG. The intimate hug. Not a buddy hug.

 

2. She asked me about my current new spark with this other girl. I replied that we were still figuring things out and i wasnt rushing into anything. She said "oh, well, you look really happy" i said i was, and changed the topic.

 

3. We were very flirty with each other. I gotta admit, since we've broken up i have way more control over myself and i was spitting "serious game" Making her laugh alot, and even getting recognized for a show i did from a random stranger. in short i was very confident.

 

4. When walking back from the restaurant we walked around the mall nearby for awhile, she starting holding my hand, putting my arm around her, and on the way back i could feel her looking at me when i was driving her home (still holding hands)

 

Sensing serious mixed signals here.

[TaraMaiden]

Like, of course, you're not giving any off.....

[Stilicho]

haha, u know what man, keep having fun with her, but dont let it stop you from pursuing something better. she used you when she had g.i.g.s and now shes trying to wiggle back in. have a good time with her, but dont fall for her again.