Fern Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I've just started dating someone and I'm unsure about him. I split up with my partner of 6 years less than 6 months ago and I don't know if my mistrust of the new guy is because of that or if I'm right to be wary. I've only been on one date with the new guy as he lives several hours away from me. After our date - which went really well - he sent flowers to my work and started texting and calling all the time. His texts were pretty full on with the affectionate chat, calling me 'babe' and telling me he 'missed' me already etc. Basically I can't work out if he's playing me or if he's desperate - neither is good. Eventually I text him and told him I wanted to take things really slowly and he took the hint, he hasn't called or text in nearly a week. That has made me feel a bit better about him. He wants me to come visit him and I said I would in February. He's 36, I'm 32, I would NEVER behave like this towards someone - even if I DID feel strongly toward them straight away. At this age shouldn't he know to play it a little bit cool? What do you think? Am I just freaking out because I'm not ready or have I reason to be worried? One date is too soon to be sending flowers and acting like you're boyfriend/girlfriend, isn't it?
SunsetRed Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Follow your gut instinct on this. The way this guy is behaving is a huge red flag. You are right, at 36, he should be playing it cooler. In fact, if he were really interested in you in a healthy way, he would be playing it cooler. The flowers and the numerous texts are way over the top for having had just a first date. If he's acting this needy now, how's he going to act after dates 3 and 4? It sounds like if you got into an actual relationship with him, he'd be really hard to get away from if you decided you wanted to break up. Honestly, based on my life experience, I'd stay clear of this guy and not even venture out on the 2nd or 3rd date. It's not worth it. You're probably still a little depressed over the end of your 6 year relationship and the more wrong guys you go out with, the more you'll mourn the loss of your ex. Take care and hugs to you!
spiderowl Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I'd agree, follow your instincts in this. The fact that he's long distance means you can't be sure he's unattached, so for him this could be a great game of 'playing away from home'. I've read lots of forums in my time and one thing really stood out about the way guys said they behaved if they were seriously interested in a girl - they trod very carefully. The reason they did this was because they didn't want to blow it by moving too fast. This may not be relevant to your guy, of course, who might just be one of these guys who throws everything at a woman within days of meeting and then wonders why they always run off scared. I'm afraid I'm very cynical, I know. The best advice comes from the other posters - be guided by your instincts.
SunsetRed Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Spiderowl is right, when a guy is truly interested in you, he'll tread cautiously, so as to not scare you off. Plus, it's a red flag when someone starts telling you how much they miss you when they've only met/seen you once. In reality, there's nothing to miss about someone you've only had one encounter with, but this guy may be building up some kind of fantasy relationship in his head. In my experience, when a guy says he "misses" me before he even gets to know me, he's either full of BS and trying to get laid, or he is a fatal attraction type guy. Your guy sounds like the needy, fatal attraction type.
Author Fern Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 Thanks guys, it's good to have that confirmed. Most people I expressed discomfort about the flowers to told me it was romantic. I'll go with my gut. I'll see him again in February, as promised, but I don't think I'll stay with him. I've friends in the city he lives in I can stay with. I said I'd visit and so I will, but I'm going to be very careful about it. If he's still giving me a bad feeling then I'll just end it. I should know by now to always trust my gut instinct.
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