SophiaL Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Hey guys, Today is one of the days that you just feel like you need to speak to your ex, see him and nothing else matters... I'm being strong and not contacting him though...I saw him 2 days ago in a bar, we talked for a bit and he said he would text me when he was next free... Long story cut short, we were together for 7 years-mutual break up, it has now being 6 months- first 2 months I was fine with the break up but, for the last 4 months I’ve been a mess...did everything I wasn't meant to do-chasing, crying...but, managed to stop it and we now talk in friend terms. He confuses me...sometimes when we talk he says he's seeing other people, then he says he's seeing only one (there's this girl he's been seeing sooner after we broke up-he says he's not in a relationship with her, is just a casual thing as she goes over to his place and they rarely go out together! detail is that she goes there at least 3 nights per week!). We do sometimes meet up and I end up sleeping with him. I get so frustrated with him and this girl he's seeing regularly...even though he says to me they are not in a serious relationship, i just don't understand how she would accept the fact he doesn't want to commit to her and still be with him on that basis. I've heard from my friends that she could be a rebound and the fact he sees other girls apart from her as well makes it clear that is not serious. How could he have moved on so quickly? I do have to say that when I was with him, specially the last year together, I just felt that something was missing in the relationship and I wasn't 100% happy anymore. So then I think to myself do I miss him or do I miss the relationship I had? It's been a little while now and I’m still thinking about him everyday of my life and wondering what he's doing, and if he is actually in a relationship with that girl or not... Does he miss me? I really wanted to know that... We were meant to go for a short trip next month, but we have cancelled it and last time i spoke to him he said to me that we would have loads of opportunities to travel together in the future!? Why would he say that, if he has moved on? I was sometimes a moody girlfriend, didn't give him space and he complaint about that when we were together, so now I'm trying to show that I have 'made peace with life' and am more positive, but I also told him that I had hope of being back together and he said that if is meant to be we would then be together in the future, but not now... Awww, sorry for the long post...I just had to vent it out...If you had the patience to read it all I just want to say thank you and please leave me any comments about my situation...I really need some advice about it...
KickinCowgirl Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 there's this girl he's been seeing sooner after we broke up-he says he's not in a relationship with her, is just a casual thing as she goes over to his place and they rarely go out together! detail is that she goes there at least 3 nights per week God that has got to hurt. I'm so sorry. I'm not going to ask if you 'really' want this guy back because you do, and Ive been there but it sounds like he really really needs to think about what he wants and either let you go or try again. Because this is so unfair to you right now. If it were me right now...I would go no contact and wait to see what he does. Its super hard but its what I would do. Esp. seeing he has this girl over...thats just not fair. Hugs!
Author SophiaL Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 Hey KickinCowgirl, thanks for your reply...it really is hard:lmao:, but i'll try my best to avoid contacting him. I just felt like I could have been a better person when I was with him (not that I wasn't...i just could've tried harder to be happy instead of a moaning girl!), and because of that is hard for me to find closure. I sort of understand he is having fun now, but i just wish he would want to try it for a second time...and i wonder if he ever will want to try it again?!
Author SophiaL Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 Has anybody been in a similiar situation? and if so, what was the outcome??
Graceful Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 You said it was a mutual breakup. That is rare to see, but after 7 years, it was time to fish or cut bait. So the two of you ended it. Okay. He confuses me...sometimes when we talk he says he's seeing other people, then he says he's seeing only one (there's this girl he's been seeing sooner after we broke up-he says he's not in a relationship with her, is just a casual thing as she goes over to his place and they rarely go out together! detail is that she goes there at least 3 nights per week!). We do sometimes meet up and I end up sleeping with him. Now he's dating. He's sleeping around. You know about it. What is this? You're now a booty call? What the heck is going on? I get so frustrated with him and this girl he's seeing regularly...even though he says to me they are not in a serious relationship, i just don't understand how she would accept the fact he doesn't want to commit to her and still be with him on that basis. Why is this about her? What are you getting frustrated about? He's not your boyfriend, you broke up, remember? Why are you even in touch at this point? You are deliberately torturing yourself needlessly. I've heard from my friends that she could be a rebound and the fact he sees other girls apart from her as well makes it clear that is not serious. You broke up. NOT YOUR BUSINESS. Why are you making this your business? I do have to say that when I was with him, specially the last year together, I just felt that something was missing in the relationship and I wasn't 100% happy anymore. So then I think to myself do I miss him or do I miss the relationship I had? You said this yourself. You're not in love, you don't like him, he did not make you happy, you did not make him happy, you were not happy together, what more is there to say? I was sometimes a moody girlfriend, didn't give him space and he complaint about that when we were together, so now I'm trying to show that I have 'made peace with life' and am more positive, but I also told him that I had hope of being back together and he said that if is meant to be we would then be together in the future, but not now... Translation: He was not paying attention to you, so you nagged him and complained about it, you feel like you pushed him away, and regret how you acted. But the truth is, you have done nothing to really figure out your issues, so you are going back to the same clingy behavior and trying to tell someone you have changed? I don't want to hurt you, but you need to get your head straight and see this for what it is. A dead end. The two of you do not get along well, he is stringing you along b/c you are letting him, and you have admitted you were not happy in the relationship in the first place. You are bringing on your own unhappiness by indulging in his business, sleeping with him, and not enforcing NC. So why do you want to get back into it, or worse, be a booty call? Stop. Please. Go NC immediately. Block, delete, remove. You are hurting yourself, not him. Seven years is enough time. Stop wasting more. He has moved on, and you need to do the same. Sorry.
Author SophiaL Posted January 15, 2011 Author Posted January 15, 2011 He's not your boyfriend, you broke up, remember? Why are you even in touch at this point? You are deliberately torturing yourself needlessly. Hard to accept I guess... You broke up. NOT YOUR BUSINESS. Why are you making this your business? Will keep reminding me of that... I don't want to hurt you, but you need to get your head straight and see this for what it is. A dead end. The two of you do not get along well, he is stringing you along b/c you are letting him, and you have admitted you were not happy in the relationship in the first place. You are bringing on your own unhappiness by indulging in his business, sleeping with him, and not enforcing NC Hey Graceful- You did not hurt me, in fact I like your honesty...my clingy behaviour has tuned into a habit, and I will try to work on that. . So why do you want to get back into it, or worse, be a booty call? Stop. Please. Go NC immediately. Block, delete, remove. You are hurting yourself, not him. Seven years is enough time. Stop wasting more. He has moved on, and you need to do the same. Sorry. Sometimes you just have to hear things like that to put things into perspective... I know I'll have good and bad days and I'll doubt myself, my feelings...but, I'll carry on posting and really appreciate all the comments and analysis... Thanks;)
Author SophiaL Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 Right,he's not my boyfriend anymore...I need to let it go... forget about him, the girl... So hard....
Author SophiaL Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 Accountant1992- are you being serious? you smile i smile?baby, baby, baby?
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