swfc_77 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 its not about me, lol just a general discussion on people views of how relationships have changed over the last 50 years or so. do people just not have the energy to work at things anymore. is there too much temptation with the likes of facebook, texting and all too easy ways to contact anyone who takes your fancy if your in a relationship or not. i was talking to my neighbour he's 70+ about how back in his day divorce/seperation was rare when you made certain commitments to each other. both sets of my late grandparents stayed together for 50+ years and were all fine, no matter what life threw at them, even the neighbour and his wife have been together for near 50 yrs. it really gets to me sometimes how easily people just give up on things, i often wonder if love is real or you just find someone your happy with and make do, until something better comes along now-it-seems. i dont use facebook, and dont think i ever will, i just dont get the temptation to browse picture of women and send random messages to any1 that takes my fancy b/f or not. is this the way life and technology is taking us now. ultimate choice/unlimited access to . . . . anyone. my mom said to me a few months back "you always get bored of something ready available" what chance do you have when someone/something else is just a mouse click away. really scares the **** out of me, whats it going to be like in 10 yrs time? rant over, cheers. swfc
BlindRage Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Yes, I agree that it is the technology and how easy it is to find someone new the reason for why break-ups and divorces are so high. Well I know it a little too well my ex left me for someone she met on Facebook. I don't like social networking site and like yourself I don't have a Facebook nor plan on getting one anytime soon. We will see what happens 10 years from now lets keep our fingers crossed and still hope people meet each other the "old fashion" way.
Author swfc_77 Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 well i couldn't do it. i'd rather meet someone out and about and ask them face to face if they fancied going out drink/meal ect ect.. i see facebook mentioned in nearly every thread and wonder why some people even bother with it, when all it cause's is pain. i dont even like txtin, if i have something to tell mates/family i ring them and have a conversation with them. i dont need to share what i had for tea with every one i use to go to school with. lol. isn't facebok just status updates and group invites now-a-days. f*** me talk about frying your brain.
D78 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 FB is great for some things. Most of my high school friends moved away for college, so I like keeping in touch with them and seeing pics of their families. I also use FB to keep in touch with my family who live out of state. I don't know if it's changing things that much. My grandfather left my grandmother for a lady 10 years older than him, after their kids were grown. It had nothing to do with FB. They met at a hardware store.
screwball Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I don't think that I would jump straight to those conclusions... Could it be that men are more needy now than a couple generations ago? And that neediness is driving women away? Or could it be that women had no real prospects a couple generations ago - they typically weren't educated past the high school level, didn't have job experience, and were discouraged from trying to get an education or a job. I think you would tend to stay in even a marginal relationship if you had no prospects of making it on your own, let alone face the social stigma that a divorce carried then. I guess what I am trying to get at is that the typical personalities and motivations for men and women have changed drastically over the course of a couple generations, but the image of the "ideal man" and "ideal woman" haven't caught up to reality.
Author swfc_77 Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 yeah thats a good point about people being more independent. in this day and age. i know of elders that have split, but it seems so common now. facebook is not a bad thing, it just gets abused. i use to get message's from girls who hardley knew me trying to flirt and strike up conversation, so did my ex, people she didn't even know. does anybody else think its a bit intrusive, i mean someone just has to know what you look like and know your full name and they have access to you. you must agree that nearly every thread on here mentions facebook, and how its damaged someone or influenced people
D78 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 ...does anybody else think its a bit intrusive, i mean someone just has to know what you look like and know your full name and they have access to you. You can set your privacy settings so that is not the case. I don't accept friend requests from strangers. All of my friends on FB I actually know in real life. If someone sent me a message on FB I didn't appreciate, I would just delete them. you must agree that nearly every thread on here mentions facebook, and how its damaged someone or influenced people 5 years ago, did they all mention texting? 10 years ago, did they all mention email? 15 years ago, cell phones and pagers? Dang rock n roll music... flappers.... printing press... *shakes fist* FB is what you make of it. I like screwball's assessment - if society had not changed, women would stay in marginal relationships with or without FB, because they have no other options. Oh yeah, by the way, my 15-year-old niece told me email is now irrelevant. She communicates with her friends via FB
Author swfc_77 Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 (edited) 5 years ago, did they all mention texting? 10 years ago, did they all mention email? yeah, in my opinion texting has effected they way we handle situations, how many people get dumped by text message, even today. how many people text in secret, all im sayin is that the temptaion and opportunity is always there, especially with FB. email is different, you couldn't check your emails on the bus 15 yrs ago and like your niece has said nobody really uses it. im not saying facebook is bad, but from what i see on here and through my own eyes when i was on it, is that people abuse it. women would stay in marginal relationships with or without FB, because they have no other options. im not just on about women, im on about people in general what gets me is that nearly every thread on here mentions facebook, it has become a big part people's lives/relationship (maybe not yours or the next person) but still a lot of people get sucked into it. im all for society moving forward, but sat at a computer in cyber space for hours at a time, sat in the pub with your mates, head down on your phone not saying a thing, is that really moving forward. and it happens i see it everyday. all im getting at is now the important things in life where its good to talk face to face seem to be quickly chucked into a tx or FB chat/message. and by important things i mean relationship issue's/flirting/other problems you may have. just seems like most people are forgetting how talk/chat in person. Edited January 14, 2011 by swfc_77
Author swfc_77 Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 also around where i live, the UK people call facebook - F*ckbook. because its so easy to contact people (send message's) and.... well you get the rest. male/female bf/gf whatever.
D78 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 ...im not just on about women, im on about people in general... Good point - not just women, men too. what gets me is that nearly every thread on here mentions facebook, it has become a big part people's lives/relationship (maybe not yours or the next person) but still a lot of people get sucked into it. It's definitely true. I have attended seminars for lawyers dealing with FB and how it has affected marriages... It has become force in our lives, and (supposedly) 25% of divorces are caused by it (I have no idea how they came up with this stat...). And, yes, most threads mention it. I'm not arguing with you on any of these points. I just see it as a tool to communicate with others. If I go out, I could pick up phone numbers on little paper slips, take a guy's cell phone and call my cell phone to record his number, or just send a friend request on FB from my smart phone. Regardless of how I do it, if I want to contact the guy, I will.
D78 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 also around where i live, the UK people call facebook - F*ckbook. So funny... that's what we call it in Texas, starting next week
Graceful Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 If the over arching question is, "has FB enhanced the landscape of romantic relationships?" then my response is NO, it has not enhanced it. If you ask if FB is just another way to pass the time (and waste it) similar to watching too much tv or video games, my response to that is YES, it's an incredible waste of time. If you are asking if FB is a completely superficial, phony, deceptive way to judge how someone feels, then my my answer is YES, it is. If you are asking if FB is a decent tool for keeping in touch with friends or finding an old friend b/c you really care, then of course, the answer is YES. If you are under 15 years of age, you were groomed on FB technology, don't even know life without it. If you are (fill in blanks) other ages, your response is different, of course, but I honestly think that FB is for kids. Romance is dead. I feel sorry for young kids who sit around staring at FB or waiting for a text. It's very sad that so much pressure has been put on kids at a young age b/c technology makes them feel they should be in touch ever minute of the day or someone doesn't like them. I don't even have enough words in me from day to day to talk that much. I don't need to talk to someone every day, nor do I want to. I don't want someone to send me some lame text just to say hello. It does not mean anything. Actions speak louder than words and always have. If all someone gets is a bunch of text msgs and FB or twitter tweets and calls that romance, that is a very sad assessment of how low we have set the bar. FB and its use and importance is the most insidious, disruptive, mis-used, mis-guided, destructive technology to come along in a long time. And yes, I agree, the mention of FB in dating, romance, or any relationship discussion is so pervasive so as to be a "given" at this point. And yes, people give up on things because they do not know how to talk to each other. There is more pressure now than ever to be coupled off with someone. Anyone. I have spoken to many people about this, and it seems to be worse than ever the pressure to have a mate. Women have devolved and are not comfortable being alone. Men are just as bad. People have not developed any social skills to be alone, unless the alone time is in front of a computer. Yes, I agree. It's scares the heck outta me, too. Off soap box.
Author swfc_77 Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 im not sure what the question is, i took time to think of a thread title and still bloody splet it wrong. have relationships lost meaning? suppose the question is, have people lost respect, time and effort with relationships these days, giving up too early because its so easy to hook up with someone else? facebook/tx whatever. im not against facebook itself but i am against how easily it can be abused. i'v said before my ex was getting around 2 private messages a week from old friends/random guys just wanting a "chat" thats around 100+ a yr. im not on it anymore and dont plan on going back on it, i dont miss it and hope to meet a women one day that isn't on there either, doubtful but i have hope.
Author swfc_77 Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 i'v had a labourer working for me this week, he's 22, im 23. just doing general fetching and carrying as i'v picked up an injury. every chance he got he would stop and whip his phone out stand there in a trance on FB, lol. i said - what you doing he replied - oh, just on net i knew what he was doing, on our break he would just sit there staring at his phone telling the world he was having ketchup on his sandwich, i just shook my head and laughed. he'll be on it now no doubt. i go for a few pint at night and see young girls 18-25 sat in a group heads down, hardly speaking updating facebook, never seen a bunch of women so quiet. it makes me laugh now im single, it didn't use to. but it still worries me.
Jdw_Icequeen Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 My thoughts are more on the relationship aspect... People don't know what it means to put work into a relationship anymore. The first thing so many people think is "well I'm not happy with this person anymore,I am sure I can find someone else to make me happy".. When you first meet somone you put so much effort in to impress them. Do things together and get close to them. When the relationship comes together and the honeymoon phase ends. They don't want to work on the relationship anymore. I agree the internet has made it easier to cheat and meet new people. Its also had alot of helping hand in breaking up relationships. But what it comes down to if that person really wants to go do it they will. They make bad choices for there selfish reasons. My question is are there even really people out there anymore that are worth trusting. People that completley value a relationship and do what it takes to make one work? Relationships don't seem to have the "value" as they did 50 yrs ago. I think someone you love should be cherrished in good times and in bad and people really need to stop taking love for granted.
bl22 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 Alls I know is the guy my ex left me for used FB to get close to her. Without FB he'd have had no chance to chat her up. Yes FB has the potential to ruin relationships I've deleted mine though, FB is just 1 big popularity contest that Im just not ready for right now after whats happened. Dont miss it either, right now I dont have anyone I want to impress, except myself. There was a time when I enjoyed using it, before I realised how sneaky it can be. Maybe when I'm totally over everything I'll make a new 1 showing the new, better me
Author swfc_77 Posted January 15, 2011 Author Posted January 15, 2011 bl22 - your right mate it is, i think people glamourise (spelling) themselves on there. you know try and come across as being perfect, happy, living the dream. i found people exaggerated normal life to make it interesting and worth sharing, that to me is down right sad. i use to have it, everyone had it before me, i was cautious when i eventually joined. but i'd find myself just sat there in front of the computer hours would go by just talking absolute garbage with people i hardly knew. i'd get the feeling of wow, i'v just wasted 3 hours talking crap. i got rid of it in april 2010, 1 of best things i have ever done.
Nikki Sahagin Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I don't think so. I mean, for me this is a case of the chicken or the egg. Is technology/modern life CAUSING us to give up on relationships, or is technology/modern life simply giving people an OUTLET for something they would want to do regardless or whether or not they could? People may romanticise the past and relationships but most people stayed together because women had little education and no prospects and if you delve back into the distant pasts, marriages were arranged not based on love matches but on wealth. People have ALWAYS cheated, people have always been bored or unhappy in relationships - the difference is people wouldn't or couldn't leave because it was socially unacceptable and nowadays it isn't. We have greater freedom which is a GOOD thing, its what we choose to do with that freedom that effects us.
worlybear Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Just a thought- but I have wondered if the fact that most people can expect to live longer than their parents/grandparents has an effect on marriage? When I was a kid, average age of adults dying of old age/illness etc was about 65. When people got married for "life" their longevity of life was much less than it is now. Most were left as widows or widowers in their 50s/60s. I can remember my Nan in her 50s (and she was lined,wrinkled and grey.) I am in my early 50s but work hard(ish!)at keeping fit, dressing well and using make up etc so I try to make the best of myself. I know my STBX had real issues about being 50, so I suppose its not surprising that he went off with OW (15 yrs younger.) I read the other day that life expectancy is now 90 years +. If you get married in your 20s that's a loooooooong time to be with one person?
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