Author daphne Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 I took a break. Hopefully, sorted out the young guy thing. And now I have a couple of dates lined up with age appropriate guys. However, one thing I've noticed about guys my age or a little older is that they sound tired and old! Almost defeated. Only one stands out as being different. He doesn't have kids. Maybe that's it. I don't know. But I'm too active to be with a debbie downer who's bummed and tired. And now that I have my priorities straightened out, another good looking 20 something writes me. I think I need to just delete. I'm not wasting any more time.
carhill Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Remind me again how old you are? I just spent a long day up on the roof and my old bones are looking for some ibuprofen tonight. I managed to punch one hole through the office ceiling (seriously, for real) and would be fun date material tonight, especially after my best friend and I knocked back a six pack each. Life's too short to take dating seriously. Later on, when that mortality thing creeps in, it'll become clear....
Author daphne Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 He he. Nice try. I'm younger than you, older than 27. You're far spunkier than a couple of guys I've spoken with. Interesting how many talk about being old past the age of 32. So are you advocating I give the youngins a shot? I dunno. it was fun last year but this is 2011.
carhill Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 If the 'age appropriate' guys seem like old farts, lose them. Myself, I focus on a woman's psyche, personality and vivaciousness, and her age is incidental. I've met plenty of 60 y/o's (women) who 'have it'. Fortunately, some of them are great friends. At your age, you can easily date 25-50, so enjoy it
Author daphne Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 At your age, you can easily date 25-50, so enjoy it Now that I'm carhill sanctioned, I must do it then!
Author daphne Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 I never realized how much it changes your dating life to being open to dating. I walked around with blinders on, focused on work and not bothered with men. I had few options. I never went out or met new people. Now that I'm actively looking for a real relationship, I find myself being occasionally peppered with options. Sometimes good, sometimes incompatible, and other times.. meh. There are some weird, creepy dudes out there. Went to Vegas. Had a blast. March Madness and there are 0.00025 women to men there. I'm being hit on by men left and right and get this... 20 something females who walk up to me and start touching my hair telling me I'm beautiful. And another who made me and my gf take a photo with her cos she thought we were hot. It's just another world there. I was followed, harrassed and occasionally very nicely chatted up at the poker table. The guy from Raleigh, what a cutie. Age appropriate and total husband material. Sigh. I'm going to have to make that a yearly ritual. A guy from work fb messages me, asking me out. Unfortunately, I'm not interested. I don't know how to let him down gently, but I already had plans and declined his invitation. I don't want to lead him on. I had a date planned last night with an Irish onliner. He got a little odd and insecure and texted me that since he hadn't heard from me to confirm, he decided to make other plans. I had already committed and said yes to a drink, but had just gotten too busy (I was working 11 hours a day) to look up a place for us to go. I have since written him off. I would never have done that, and if I had made other plans and realized I had misunderstood, would have PROMPTLY canceled my secondary plans. I mention in my profile that I want integrity. Flaking out on plans with a woman because you have no self confidence is not what I consider integrity. I was a little disappointed. Oh well. When I got basically stood up, went to poker and mildly flirted with widower. And another guy there is now texting me and interested. I like the second guy, but not interested in more than friendship. Although I wish I were, he is an upstanding guy. I keep waiting to become attracted but it hasn't happened. Also, he's a cop and that's something I'm not sure I want in a partner. Widower makes me beam. But we've already established that that's not a good idea. And now I have a date with a Scottish guy. Age appropriate, cute, funny accent, financially stable and much in common. I tried to talk him into a drink (just in case), he steered it to full on dinner. At a nice restaurant. I'm leery of those dates now, when I haven't yet met them. I don't like feeling guilty cos these guys would never allow me to go dutch and what if I don't feel "it." One red flag, however. I noticed he seems to be on the dating site every time I go on, which is infrequently at this point. I don't want someone who is looking for the attention, ego stroke and challenge and not a serious relationship. Been there, done that, had the "let's be friends" conversation. I guess it's already done though. I'm kinda excited, which rarely happens on first dates for me anymore. Yet, I'm feeling guilty about it because I feel a connection to widower. I wish I didn't, but I'm stupid that way. I feel like Charlotte from Sex and the City. "I've been dating since I was 15. I'm exhausted! Where is he?"
Anxiety Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 One red flag, however. I noticed he seems to be on the dating site every time I go on, which is infrequently at this point. I don't want someone who is looking for the attention, ego stroke and challenge and not a serious relationship. Been there, done that, had the "let's be friends" conversation. IMO, him frequently being on the site means he's eager to meet someone. Someone who doesn't visit often would give me the impression that they aren't serious about it.
Author daphne Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 Anxiety, from my past experience I'd say you were wrong. However, in this one situation you may be right. Met the Scot. I'm slightly buzzed so I'll go out on a limb and say it's entirely possible I have met my future husband. LOL. Ok I'm getting ahead of myself but I'll say that we have very similar core values, much in common and the attraction was very mutual. There was a red flag in there, there always is. However, I'm willing to take the risk. My one concern is that he said he always asks at the end of the date if the person is interested in a serious relationship or not, and he didn't ask me. But it's possible that, after our very candid, lengthy conversation I doubt he needed to ask. So if I don't hear from him again, I'd be shocked and I'll be back on here bitching about men. Dude is a total catch and down to earth. P.S. We were so candid one of us brought up prenups. I don't remember how, but we both quickly agreed that it was the best way to go. :love: Lord I need to slow down.
EasyHeart Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 ZOMG, did he wear a kilt? If I were a Scot, I would wear a kilt. Now you just need to find out what he wears under the kilt. . . .
Author daphne Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 There's plenty of time for that. He didn't wear a kilt, but after all of this time in the States, he still dresses like a European. He scores extra points for noticing and loving on my shoes. Only the good ones get the mortgage paying shoes. Oh, and he sounds like Anna Paquin in the Piano, with a dash of American in him. Such a cute accent. Seriously though, I need to slow down this train because I've totally let my guard down just because he said almost all of the right things and did them too. Maybe he's sincere and really wants to settle down with the right girl and get down to having a great, happy life. Maybe he's figured out that the quickest way to an uptight girl's heart is to mention that you don't engage in one night stands and that you want to get rid of your match profile and be in a relationship. But that doesn't mean that we're compatible, and it doesn't mean we're the right one for each other. I didn't sleep well at all last night. This is very uncomfortable.
carhill Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 The discomfort of the real. Perhaps it can be the impetus to new understanding and insight. Motivation. In any event, IMO the only way to know the path is to walk the path; enjoy the journey
Author daphne Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Enjoy schmoy. Instead, I think I'm headed to the deep end of over analysis, as is known to happen on this forum. Trying to find reasons to dislike him so I don't get my hopes up. Seriously though, he should dress more American. And why did he tell me so many personal things? I think I'm backing up because I've been here before with a few guys, 2 from online. They look gaga over me and either a) screw it up or b) chase after greener grass. Then c) try to pretend the greener grass was just being busy. I have to remember that the white noise of saying what they know women want to hear is just some nonsense that may help them in their quest to get laid faster. I don't know why I'm so mad. I think I'm just too jaded and should have just stopped dating altogether for a while.
You'reasian Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 To me, multidating is a mess of tangles that aren't fun to brush out and that just ends up causing more pain than getting to know one person at a time. I was thinking the exact same thing.
Author daphne Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 I feel like I'm in the trenches of war and I have battle fatigue, but I'm going out with this guy. He's super cute in a rugged old NAME_OF_MY_CITY kind of way. We are very different. He's a liberal. He lives in a part of town I try to avoid that's hip and edgy. He loves live music. I'm conservative, live in the burbs of a decent area that is not prone to gunfire. I like opera and balkan music. But I'm going out with him damnit. It hasn't exactly worked out with guys who are a lot like me, and are my type. So I'm giving this a shot. One thing that has me a little on edge is that he tends to fire away emails & wonders why I haven't responded. I don't have an iphone. i check email when I'm damn good and ready. He showed my photos to his sister already. She thinks I look like a teenager. I loves her. I want him to slooooowwww down. He's going to project this image of me in his head that won't match who I really am. Why do guys get so attached to photos? The French guy did this too. Told me he'd stare at my photos. I'm like "hello? How about you take me out and you can stare at me in person, ass hat?" I must say, French fry had some beautiful photos of himself in his 20's. He looked like an Abercrombie and Fitch model. I digress. I'm going on the date. I'm trying something different. And if he so much as mentions a messy breakup I will politely excuse myself. I may even ask him before the date when his last long term relationship was. If it was in 2011, I'm OUT. Also, he apparently lied about his age in his profile and made some odd excuse for it. Since he told me and I'm ok with his age, it's not a problem but it is somewhat disconcerting. I'd love to check off 27 on my profile, but call me crazy. That would be lying. Now I'm wondering if he has 10 year old photos on his profile...
oaks Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 But I'm going out with him damnit. It hasn't exactly worked out with guys who are a lot like me, and are my type. So I'm giving this a shot. Good luck. Maybe you'll find some common values - just don't talk about politics. Why do guys get so attached to photos? Maybe they're good photos!
EasyHeart Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I feel like I'm in the trenches of war and I have battle fatigue, but I'm going out with this guy. He's super cute in a rugged old NAME_OF_MY_CITY kind of way. We are very different. He's a liberal. He lives in a part of town I try to avoid that's hip and edgy. He loves live music. I'm conservative, live in the burbs of a decent area that is not prone to gunfire. I like opera and balkan music. But I'm going out with him damnit. It hasn't exactly worked out with guys who are a lot like me, and are my type. So I'm giving this a shot. One thing that has me a little on edge is that he tends to fire away emails & wonders why I haven't responded. I don't have an iphone. i check email when I'm damn good and ready. He showed my photos to his sister already. She thinks I look like a teenager. I loves her. I want him to slooooowwww down. He's going to project this image of me in his head that won't match who I really am. Why do guys get so attached to photos? The French guy did this too. Told me he'd stare at my photos. I'm like "hello? How about you take me out and you can stare at me in person, ass hat?" I must say, French fry had some beautiful photos of himself in his 20's. He looked like an Abercrombie and Fitch model. I digress. I'm going on the date. I'm trying something different. And if he so much as mentions a messy breakup I will politely excuse myself. I may even ask him before the date when his last long term relationship was. If it was in 2011, I'm OUT. Also, he apparently lied about his age in his profile and made some odd excuse for it. Since he told me and I'm ok with his age, it's not a problem but it is somewhat disconcerting. I'd love to check off 27 on my profile, but call me crazy. That would be lying. Now I'm wondering if he has 10 year old photos on his profile...WHAT HAPPENING TO THE SCOTSMAN??? I liked him. Staring at photos is not odd. I stare at pictures of myself all the time. IT IS COMPLETELY NORMAL!!!!
Author daphne Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 Good luck. Maybe you'll find some common values - just don't talk about politics. Maybe they're good photos! Yes, I'm staying away from my lack of interest in Obamanomics. Even if they are good photos, why do guys get wrapped up in fantasy as opposed to the real thing? The guy wasn't in a hurry to meet me. He just wanted more photos!! Weird. (French guy btw, not date #18.) WHAT HAPPENING TO THE SCOTSMAN??? I liked him. Staring at photos is not odd. I stare at pictures of myself all the time. IT IS COMPLETELY NORMAL!!!! Scotty's gone. I dedicated an entire thread to his red flag. And despite his terrible dating skills, he never called me back. Sigh. My life is a fairy tale. Send me a photo. I want to see what you're so busy staring at.
Author daphne Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 (edited) Went on what appears to be my last Match date last night. I didn't win the lotto at 35. Nice guy and I liked talking to him. However, we're very imcompatible. He's still in Peter Pan mode and goes to bed at 3am. I'm in bed by 11pm. His lifestyle is still that of a 20 something. I can't relate. Within 15 minutes, I got the skinny that he and his ex of 6 weeks, yes, another rebounder, just broke up. She was borderline and is stalking him still. She actually sounded a lot like a poster here, Sarcastic Blonde. I think she's borderline too from what he explained. I wanted to get up and walk out, but because he was a nice guy I stayed and listened. It was a short relationship, however. He did stop talking about it at one point and said he shouldn't have brought it up because he wanted to move forward, not look back. He gets a point for that. The Scot is still probably entitled to gab away about it for hours because, Why should he be alone? So match is the place for rebounders and people who think that they will get the 150+k model male or 25 year old barbie doll when they are not the opposite gender equivalent. Interesting. Maybe I'll try it again later. I did meet some guys who weren't rebounding and seemed normal, just not my cup of tea. But for now I'm just sick of dating. Edited April 15, 2011 by daphne
threebyfate Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 daphne, are you honestly enjoying this? If not, maybe it's time to take a break. Sounds exhausting. Not sure if you read that thread about how people have met their partners but 8/10 of us met our partners in real life. 2/10 met through online dating sites.
betterdeal Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 S'funny, the whole stack 'em high, sell 'em cheap approach to finding a lover. Really doesn't work for me, and it just ends up taking up resources I'd rather spend on other things, like my hobbies, quality time with the sofa, holidays and what not. Inevitably, doing things I enjoy makes me happy and a happy me is an attractive me, and that's where most love interest starts. Half of life is turning up.
Author daphne Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 Good run, no joy, take a break Sigh. Yes. Nap time. daphne, are you honestly enjoying this? If not, maybe it's time to take a break. Sounds exhausting. Not sure if you read that thread about how people have met their partners but 8/10 of us met our partners in real life. 2/10 met through online dating sites. I did have fun at one point. But it's been going on so long with little reward that it's not really fun anymore. I didn't go into this with the intention of dating 20 people. I wanted to find one. I'm not sure online is the proper forum, however it's the most practical for me. I was tired of going out with my friends and only having 20 somethings ask me out. I want someone my age. But guys my age don't ask me out because they don't know I'm their age. Also, I have several friends who met their fiances online, and I know a number of people who have married from having met online. I will admit, that my two gf's who are engaged had to deal with a guy fresh out of a relationship though. S'funny, the whole stack 'em high, sell 'em cheap approach to finding a lover. Really doesn't work for me, and it just ends up taking up resources I'd rather spend on other things, like my hobbies, quality time with the sofa, holidays and what not. Inevitably, doing things I enjoy makes me happy and a happy me is an attractive me, and that's where most love interest starts. Half of life is turning up. Yes, I feel like I took away my time to relax and play tennis to try to meet someone. I'm going to be a lot pickier with my time next time. But please dont' throw out the "it'll happen when you least expect it so don't look for it" spiehl. It's a patented lie that has kept me single for years.
Author daphne Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 Oh my gosh. I totally forgot I agreed to another coffee date with a guy because he kept begging and I felt bad and gave in. Now he's emailing and saying I'm making it sound like a pity date. Good lord dude. Make up your mind. Either have shame or have none. Don't put the onus on me because you talked me into something when I am really not interested. I suppose now, after having begged and brow beaten me into a date, I'm supposed to convince him that his begging had nothing to do with me accepting and that it's really what I wanted all along. I'm such a pushover sometimes. I gotta work on that.
Cee Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I am a huge fan of dating breaks. In fact, I had one for 4 years. On my last dating break that lasted 4 months, I rewarded myself with a trip to Europe. I rang in the New Year in Berlin. I had a fear of flying so I hadn't gone to Europe in 15 years, but I faced my fears and flew over. It was incredible to push myself and succeed. The trip helped me win my boyfriend. I had met him at a group function and was talking about my trip. He said that he became attracted to me because he thought I was intelligent and independent. He asked me out for coffee and I didn't take it seriously because he was so much younger than me. But I said yes and I am glad I did. We have been in a good, loving relationship for 3 months. And still going strong. I don't know what your romantic "meet cute" story will be. But I hazard to guess that it will be incredible. I think that's where the cliche "love will come when you least expect it." You can't plot and plan your love story. A lot of it happens by luck and coincidence.
oaks Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Oh my gosh. I totally forgot I agreed to another coffee date with a guy because he kept begging and I felt bad and gave in. Just tell him you can't see him and you've decided to take a break from dating.
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