OceanGirl Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I don't care about Valentines day, it's a stupid holiday. It wouldn't bother me if my bf forgot all about it. Bob, you should cut the other girl off anyway...
Author daphne Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 In terms of multi-dating tangle...what do you do on V Day? Are the guys who don't ask you on some romantic date basically cut...? Basically I'm going to ask the one I'm seriously into...the other I'll probably lie and say I have a work trip haha Sigh. I don't know. There is no front runner, since I haven't met any of the newest group of guys. I'm going to pretend it's any other day. I agree with OG. If you're seriously into one and it's been a while, why not cut the other one off?
Author daphne Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 Yet another guy didn't work out because he flaked on first date, where I had to put myself out to arrange it since it was during the work day. I don't think I'm giving it another chance. And of course, right during that disappointment is Hot Pervert on my im trying to talk to me. Why is it that when you could give 2 ****s about someone, they are highly interested? But you show someone you like them and treat them with respect, and well you know where that goes. I feel like I'm in a Non Rom Com.
Author daphne Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 Last guy who flaked kept at it and emailed me three times and I decided to cool off and give it another chance. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, but I'm running out of it with the online guys. Add this to having already given another guy from a month ago the benefit of the doubt. Only because he warned me ahead of time he was going to be out of town a lot and wanted to save a spot on my dance card for teh end of Jan. I couldn't figure out why he'd email me to begin with if he knew he would be unavailable that long. But we'll see I guess. He's taking me to sushi and I do love sushi. And he does seem like a sweet guy. I think I see why guys get so cranky when women want to talk or email for a month+ before meeting. I don't want to waste my time or theirs if we're not a match. And meeting is a huge part of it. My current theory, based on experience, is that when a guy is really interested, he tries to meet you within a week. The 3 guys that were potentials (well, really 2) tried to pin me down on the next weekend. Everyone else is juggling too many. And I know I had a lot, but that's because I knew there would be flakers and there would be the serious ones.
Author daphne Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 I just got 3 more potentials. Ok, not really potentials since 2 of them are 30, but they're nice eye candy. I honestly have no idea how many there are right now. I feel like I'm back in Junior High when I had a dozen boyfriends and I think I kissed like 3. Ahh... the good old days. Funny enough, still disappointed that #1 didn't get it together. He seemed more solid than most of these guys. Perhaps less attractive and drives a car I would never drive, even as a rental. But solid and sweet. The nuts and bolts of what you need in a man. Even though it didn't work out I still think of him that way. Beats the sex profile guy who has now taken to cyber stalking me and advertises 150k+. Who wants a high earning, good looking, lying, pervert? Not this gal. Also, despite the numbers that keep growing of good looking, good potential on paper guys, they fall off just as quickly. There are very, very few that are focused enough on me or probably any one girl to really suggest they want a relationship. So I let those fall by the wayside quickly. I don't want lukewarm interest. I seriously have gotten probably 15 emails from guys with great profiles (I didn't know they had that many online!) and of those, I'm still talking to 3 from the first 12. 2. One of them that I had pegged as a vain good looking loser seems to be remaining consistent, which I didn't count on. I thought he'd be a cute infatuation with a guy who's just trying to get laid. Who am I kidding, he probably still is. It's online after all. Good thing is that I have enough to play with so as not to worry about those that aren't serious. Junior High baby!
depplover_1980 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Hey Daphne, Good to hear you have lots of fish in your net. I have lots of potential dates too but it is finding the time as work is so busy!! You enjoy for now,will check your updates.x
Author daphne Posted February 12, 2011 Author Posted February 12, 2011 Got a rose for Valentine's Day last night. I totally thought Vday was week after next, so I was surprised. Equally and pleasantly surprised that my date looked like his profile. He was cute, and he was older but looked really good for his age. He works out quite a bit so I guess that has alot to do with it. I was sitting there thinking that it was going to be a great date, and then the wheels just came off the machine. Either he was a little too taken with me and wanted to please me, or he was just plain wishy washy. I had a hard time understanding the points he was making because he would contradict himself. Either because he couldn't commit to an opinion, or was covering his bases so as not to offend me. It was a total turn off. And outside of that, the guy was extremely dull. Sweet but just not enough presence I guess. I hadn't experienced that before so I was surprised and disappointed. I started the date excited to meet him. I left it trying to avoid any mention of a second date. And on top of that, when he gave me a hug he forced a kiss on me and that actually pissed me off. I told him I don't kiss on the first date and he didn't get that he had crossed my boundaries and said he was flattered that I "let" him. For the second time I ruled out the pretty boy martial arts guy. He got flakey again by hinting about going out one night and then not responding to waht I said til the next day (he was hinting on going out that night.) I normally would have thought nothing of it, but since he flaked the first date I just figured this was too much effort to get to a first date and I don't want to waste any more energy on it. He tried to catch up the next morning. I'm done. Back to the drawing board. Let's hope my date next week with Harvard guy is more eventful.
TerminalMan Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Well if they get a whiff that they're just an option to you then I don't blame them. At this point in my life my mantra is simple: "Don't make someone a priority who only sees you as an option." My time and resources are valuable so I'm not going to put in much effort if I'm seen like just another car on the lot being taken for a ride. Hope this multi thing works out for ya. Truer words were never spoken. While daphne's multi-dating seems to be working for HER, I highly discourage it, unless you are going to be upfront about it on Date #1, with each and every suitor. If you are dating other people, this falls in the "need to know" category. Some guys will have no problem with it, but many will pass on multi-daters, based on their personal preferences or experience. If I'm just an option, have the guts to say so, up front. Then take it from there. Perhaps I'm not as enlightened as daphne or others who muti-date, but personally I think that keeping someone in the dark is a poor way to start a potential relationship. Anyways, it is an interesting post, even if it sometimes sounds more like test-driving 6 cars at once than looking for love and commitment. ;p No, I've never multi-dated. No, I never will. Life is complicated enough, and I can weed ONE person out or decide if they are a keeper quickly enough. Good luck with that man shopping, daphne !
Author daphne Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 He emailed me. He asked me out, in a manner of speaking. As annoyed as I am, I was pretty happy to hear from him. After the better looking and richer guys I have dated, I liked him better. But I'm pretty hesitant because he did drop off the face of the earth. Don't know if he had to go fishing and realized holy crap, I started off with the best one. Or if he got busy and didn't want to talk about it. Coincidentally, I had a great day with Harvard guy. He was an amazing guy. Looked just like his photos. Extremely intelligent. But he gave off a bit of a gay vibe that was really hard for me. Here he was, the total package (ok, package with 4 kids,) and it was hard for me to see beyond his expressiveness that was not what I'm used to. I kind of like a man's man. Salt of the earth. For better or worse, they do it for me. The young one asked me out this weekend. And so did the good looking race car driver. It's good to have options, since I can't really count on #1. But I'm looking more forward to seeing what the hell he's been up to.
oaks Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 He emailed me. He asked me out, in a manner of speaking. As annoyed as I am, I was pretty happy to hear from him. After the better looking and richer guys I have dated, I liked him better. But I'm pretty hesitant because he did drop off the face of the earth. Well there's a co-incidence. My #1 is back, too. Or at least, back in contact. It sounds like there was a personal / family crisis (she did explain a bit more than this) that she had to deal with. I'm getting the "I'm back but I'm not sure if I'm ready to date just yet" vibe, but she didn't even have to get in touch if she wasn't interested so we'll see if anything happens.
Author daphne Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 Well there's a co-incidence. My #1 is back, too. Or at least, back in contact. It sounds like there was a personal / family crisis (she did explain a bit more than this) that she had to deal with. I'm getting the "I'm back but I'm not sure if I'm ready to date just yet" vibe, but she didn't even have to get in touch if she wasn't interested so we'll see if anything happens. Yeah! At least she had a good reason. It sounds like whatever the crisis, it may have put her in a not so good place for dating. I hope that's the only reason. Keep me updated. For my part, I am not counting on #1 because I don't think there was a great reason for him stopping contact. I haven't heard back from him yet so we'll see. In the meantime, I am definitely still interested in what's behind doors 2, 3 and 4! Definitely some cuties to contend with. And so far they aren't flaking! )
oaks Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Yeah! At least she had a good reason. It sounds like whatever the crisis, it may have put her in a not so good place for dating. I hope that's the only reason. Keep me updated. I had responses to some of my emails today. One seems positive, so perhaps there's hope for a date soon. For my part, I am not counting on #1 because I don't think there was a great reason for him stopping contact. I haven't heard back from him yet so we'll see. In the meantime, I am definitely still interested in what's behind doors 2, 3 and 4! Definitely some cuties to contend with. And so far they aren't flaking! ) Your #1 sounds like he's been working through some other options, so I'm glad to hear you have some options of your own!
Author daphne Posted February 18, 2011 Author Posted February 18, 2011 I had responses to some of my emails today. One seems positive, so perhaps there's hope for a date soon. Your #1 sounds like he's been working through some other options, so I'm glad to hear you have some options of your own! I'm jealous that you're going to go out again soon. But at least someone's got some good juju going on! And yes, I think #1 was checking out other options. No harm, no foul. But I guarantee you that mine are a lot better. And unless he handles this well, we won't be going out again no matter what he says he's planning on doing. Not that I'm bitter.
Author daphne Posted February 18, 2011 Author Posted February 18, 2011 Never heard back from #1. I have learned that my intuition is good. I'm not sure what he was up to, but at this point it doesn't matter. We can always be friends if he so chooses. So #1's new name is chefboyardee. Onward & upward! So the youngin and I are going out. I like the plan he has for our date. It's very young, but since I'm fairly childish I love the idea. He's such a cutie. My gf who's his age told me to give him up to her, since I don't take them seriously. It was a wakeup call. Why bother going out with them if I can't treat it as a viable option? They know when they're being talked down to. So I'm going in this with an open heart and I hope we have an awesome time. Race car driver and I are going to set up plans for a drink. He's my age. Seems well adjusted. Maybe not as conservative as I'd like, but we'll see. No red flags just yet. Haven't heard from Harvard guy. I'm kind of surprised. There was definitely commonality. I just have concerns that he may be gay. Granted, it would be odd to have 4 kids and be gay but he wouldn't be the first. He's also a person I would love to at least know as a friend. Amazing guy. He so much as told me that all men will lie to have sex with a woman they find sexually attractive. He said it was nature and need for continuation of the species. I was shocked by his candor. But not at the truth of the statement.
Nukulus Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Never heard back from #1. I have learned that my intuition is good. I'm not sure what he was up to, but at this point it doesn't matter. We can always be friends if he so chooses. So #1's new name is chefboyardee. Onward & upward! So the youngin and I are going out. I like the plan he has for our date. It's very young, but since I'm fairly childish I love the idea. He's such a cutie. My gf who's his age told me to give him up to her, since I don't take them seriously. It was a wakeup call. Why bother going out with them if I can't treat it as a viable option? They know when they're being talked down to. So I'm going in this with an open heart and I hope we have an awesome time. Race car driver and I are going to set up plans for a drink. He's my age. Seems well adjusted. Maybe not as conservative as I'd like, but we'll see. No red flags just yet. Haven't heard from Harvard guy. I'm kind of surprised. There was definitely commonality. I just have concerns that he may be gay. Granted, it would be odd to have 4 kids and be gay but he wouldn't be the first. He's also a person I would love to at least know as a friend. Amazing guy. He so much as told me that all men will lie to have sex with a woman they find sexually attractive. He said it was nature and need for continuation of the species. I was shocked by his candor. But not at the truth of the statement. Woo! Good for you, I love the attitude. And kudo's to your friend for the wake up call! I currently have 4 potentials I'm in contact with on match... Though I haven't given them funny nicknames yet. Though maybe I should... so I don't confuse myself of course! Good luck with the young guy and with the racecar driver
Author daphne Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 I think I'm pretty much over multi dating. Not that I won't date more than one guy at a time early on, but I think I've learned that it would be wiser for me to focus on the guys that I really think I can have a relationship with. I totally got side tracked with cute guys and rich guys and young guys. One guy slipped through my fingers that seemed like a great catch, he just flew under the radar. He met someone who got to him first and decided to try exclusivity out. While I was busy juggling pretty boys with no real potential. And some were flakes. I have had a lot of fun, I won't lie. I have never been one to date a lot. It was like meet a guy, go out once, end up talking marriage at 1 year down the road. This was no obligation, fun, figuring out what I like. I have certainly enumerated what I don't like. There's a lot out there I really don't like. However, one guy I talked ot recently was the lightbulb for me. He wasn't super good looking and definitely is of modest means. However, when he spoke, I knew that he GOT things. He was down to earth, humble and psychologically very sound and knows who he is. He wasn't egotistical, competitive, gamey, saying things because he thought it would score points with me or flashy. He seems like a gentleman. I almost didn't respond to him. But by the second email, I knew I was dealing with a different type of dude. Someone who really did speak my language. He reminded me of someone else that was much the same, but that guy still had a ways to go. I really hate to get my hopes up. On paper, he is not perfect for me. I'm not even sure I'd be physically attracted to him. But then again, Sex site guy was until I googled him . At the very least, it would be awesome to have this guy in my life as a friend. He seems deeply genuine and has the "gets it" factor. I don't know many people who do get it. It seems like he's more self aware and honest with himself than most people I know. I really like that. Oaks, you out there multi dating? Having any luck?
oaks Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Oaks, you out there multi dating? Having any luck? No, the last woman said we didn't have enough in common (which I thought was a bs excuse, but whatever) and I'm not having much success getting responses online at the moment. Had a few responses, but either they vanished after 2 emails or vanished after I suggested meeting. Also, I've nearly exhausted OKCupid's supply of women. I've hidden so many profiles that when I do a search there are now literally only a handful of women that I haven't emailed yet!
Imajerk17 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 (edited) I'm finding online dating in general to require some getting used to. My overall experience, as a guy, is that few people go into this with what is, in my opinion, a healthy attitude of "I'm going into this date with an open mind. I think this has a reasonable shot of going well, and if it does go well, I'm open to seeing this person again". It seems that instead, most people either (a) come across pretty guarded, or (b) need crazy instant chemistry to even consider a second date. Or both. There just seems to be a lot of cynical mindsets and unrealistic expectations in the online world. Or maybe it's me. I've gone on first dates where there was easy conversation and a kiss at the end, but no second date, due to the woman saying she wasn't feeling it. I've also gone on first dates where her emails and texts were very enthusiastic before the meet-up, but then when we meet up, she comes across as a lot more guarded by 15 minutes in. It's amazing sometimes to me how people manage to get together and reproduce. Anyway daphne, good for you for giving this guy a shot! Edited March 3, 2011 by Imajerk17
Author daphne Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 No, the last woman said we didn't have enough in common (which I thought was a bs excuse, but whatever) and I'm not having much success getting responses online at the moment. Had a few responses, but either they vanished after 2 emails or vanished after I suggested meeting. Also, I've nearly exhausted OKCupid's supply of women. I've hidden so many profiles that when I do a search there are now literally only a handful of women that I haven't emailed yet! That translates into she wasn't attracted enough to you. But I'll admit that when I'm not as physically attracted to a guy but he has something emotional or interest wise in common with me, he becomes a lot more attractive. Opposites attract. But I think people who are more alike stay together. LOL @ the hidden profiles. My buddy made almost the same joke. He canceled his account. He didn't meet a single woman. I felt really bad because I had so much mail coming in and he was struggling. Ultimately, however, the results have been the same. I've dated a ton (for me) and I have absolutely nada to show for it.
oaks Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I've dated a ton (for me) and I have absolutely nada to show for it. Clearly we should stop this silly multi-dating thing and go back to dating one at a time because that will be so much more successful.
Author daphne Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 I'm finding online dating in general to require some getting used to. My overall experience, as a guy, is that few people go into this with what is, in my opinion, a healthy attitude of "I'm going into this date with an open mind. I think this has a reasonable shot of going well, and if it does go well, I'm open to seeing this person again". It seems that instead, most people either (a) come across pretty guarded, or (b) need crazy instant chemistry to even consider a second date. Or both. There just seems to be a lot of cynical mindsets and unrealistic expectations in the online world. Or maybe it's me. I've gone on first dates where there was easy conversation and a kiss at the end, but no second date, due to the woman saying she wasn't feeling it. I've also gone on first dates where her emails and texts were very enthusiastic before the meet-up, but then when we meet up, she comes across as a lot more guarded by 15 minutes in. It's amazing sometimes to me how people manage to get together and reproduce. Anyway daphne, good for you for giving this guy a shot! I haven't seen much A. Perhaps it's because of gender. Women might be more afraid of a guy they just met. I know one date I had told me that when he first met me I was pretty closed off but I started to warm up as we started having more interesting conversation. I thought the guy was gay and a little too interested in sort of new agey flakey stuff, which is a turn off for me. There maybe something about you that the woman didn't see as compatible and doesn't want to lead you on. Be happy for body language though. Cos it'll give you queues for when a woman is attracted (hair twirling, more open posture etc.) I definitely agree with B. I think guys maybe even worse than women at this. I'm soooo not looking for limerance, but I think 2 guys didn't work out because it wasn't there. Because of this, it does weed out those who know nothing of how real love works and i"m not looking for artificial short term lust. Ok, I wasn't but I'm getting impatient so I may change my mind on that later. There was the one infamous guy early on that didn't seem to be looking for limerance and had healthy expectations. We were still a little giddy, we just had a lot of self control. Unfortunately, his relationship skills weren't where they needed to be. That kinda sucks. Your last comment is funny. My thoughts have been, when guys act flakey and don't pursue it to see where it goes, "How in the hell do they ever get laid behaving this way???" Same thought basically. lol It has been weird being taken for granted by some of the guys online, when I get heavily pursued offline by much better looking guys with better careers. Yes, it even happens to women. Candy store syndrome.
Imajerk17 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 (edited) I haven't seen much A. Perhaps it's because of gender. Women might be more afraid of a guy they just met. I know one date I had told me that when he first met me I was pretty closed off but I started to warm up as we started having more interesting conversation. I thought the guy was gay and a little too interested in sort of new agey flakey stuff, which is a turn off for me. There maybe something about you that the woman didn't see as compatible and doesn't want to lead you on. Be happy for body language though. Cos it'll give you queues for when a woman is attracted (hair twirling, more open posture etc.) I definitely agree with B. I think guys maybe even worse than women at this. I'm soooo not looking for limerance, but I think 2 guys didn't work out because it wasn't there. Because of this, it does weed out those who know nothing of how real love works and i"m not looking for artificial short term lust. Ok, I wasn't but I'm getting impatient so I may change my mind on that later. There was the one infamous guy early on that didn't seem to be looking for limerance and had healthy expectations. We were still a little giddy, we just had a lot of self control. Unfortunately, his relationship skills weren't where they needed to be. That kinda sucks. Your last comment is funny. My thoughts have been, when guys act flakey and don't pursue it to see where it goes, "How in the hell do they ever get laid behaving this way???" Same thought basically. lol It has been weird being taken for granted by some of the guys online, when I get heavily pursued offline by much better looking guys with better careers. Yes, it even happens to women. Candy store syndrome. Limerance eh? I'll confess that I had to look that up. I didn't know what that word meant. Now I have to admit, I have never dated a guy so I will have to take your word on how they are. I can tell you how I work though. Maybe I am unusual, in that I actually don't send out that many "first" emails at all. I do have a particular type that I am looking for and I tend to screen for my "logical must haves"--i.e., of a certain age, athletic, I find her hot in her pictures, no kids, smart--by reading her profile. So if the girl looks in person basically as she does in her pictures, that's "enough" for me in regards to physical attraction. If she shows herself to be reasonably fun and mature on the first date, then I'm typically open to a second date. I don't need to leave the first date feeling that I found my soul mate or that we set off fireworks for me to be interested in seeing her again. At the risk of overgeneralizing, my understanding is that women definitely don't work like that. They seem to have this list that is this long, but they will throw it out if there's that elusive chemistry, which honestly can be hard for guys to even know what it is. Or they seem to be trying to read into all these little things that might mean that the guy isn't for them. They just seem to be a lot fussier about going out with a guy again. I think there it goes the other way when it comes to being exclusive. My conjecture: A guy who has made it past (say) date 4 with a woman probably just knows his way around women, so he often has a few women competing for him. It's hard for him to give up his freedom. It's rare for a woman to find a guy she is willing to keep seeing like that, so she is probably more eager to tie him down and become exclusive. Again, just my conjecture. Edited March 4, 2011 by Imajerk17
Imajerk17 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Your last comment is funny. My thoughts have been, when guys act flakey and don't pursue it to see where it goes, "How in the hell do they ever get laid behaving this way???" Same thought basically. lol It has been weird being taken for granted by some of the guys online, when I get heavily pursued offline by much better looking guys with better careers. Yes, it even happens to women. Candy store syndrome. If that's the case, why not just meet guys offline then? Let him flirt with you, exchange numbers, and then go out with him. I personally prefer meeting women offline, but living in a small town where every woman I'd be interested in is either (a) taken, or (b) someone I've approached before , it isn't a great option for me. So online dating is a necessary evil for me. It might be an evil for you, but not a necessary one, so why bother with it.
Tayla Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I'm in awe from only reading the most recent comments that people get dates with various folks! I cant get a date to save my soul! So I admire folks who have the knack to get out there and enjoy someones company . Footnote: its not a put down on myself for not dating, just have way too many other things going on that dating has become less of a go getter thing and more of ..if it happens it happens attitude....Sorta makes me wonder what I am missing out on sometimes.....
Author daphne Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 Maybe I am unusual, in that I actually don't send out that many "first" emails at all. ...If she shows herself to be reasonably fun and mature on the first date, then I'm typically open to a second date. I don't need to leave the first date feeling that I found my soul mate or that we set off fireworks for me to be interested in seeing her again. They seem to have this list that is this long, but they will throw it out if there's that elusive chemistry, which honestly can be hard for guys to even know what it is. Or they seem to be trying to read into all these little things that might mean that the guy isn't for them. They just seem to be a lot fussier about going out with a guy again. I think there it goes the other way when it comes to being exclusive. My conjecture: A guy who has made it past (say) date 4 with a woman probably just knows his way around women, so he often has a few women competing for him. It's hard for him to give up his freedom. It's rare for a woman to find a guy she is willing to keep seeing like that, so she is probably more eager to tie him down and become exclusive. Again, just my conjecture. With your approach, you're in the minority. I think, however, that's the best approach for finding a real relationship. Women can smell sincerity and when a guy does have common interests. We don't want to feel like we're getting your generic letter. We're not that special. The woman's list. Not necessarily a bad thing. But yeah, if we feel chemistry (much to our detriment) which is really just a flakey new age way of saying lust, we throw the list out the window. Personally, I don't want to compete for a man's affections. I like feeling special. If he doesn't feel that way, he should find someone he does feel that way over. I guess the one potential online guy screwed it up by opening the door to dating other people. I think men tend to prefer competition in dating. But it pisses women off when the presence of other women is flaunted. If that's the case, why not just meet guys offline then? Let him flirt with you, exchange numbers, and then go out with him. So I tried the offline approach this weekend. I just remembered why I went online!!!! Every single guy who approached me, asked me to dance or offered to buy me a drink was under 30. I'm in awe from only reading the most recent comments that people get dates with various folks! I cant get a date to save my soul! So I admire folks who have the knack to get out there and enjoy someones company . Footnote: its not a put down on myself for not dating, just have way too many other things going on that dating has become less of a go getter thing and more of ..if it happens it happens attitude....Sorta makes me wonder what I am missing out on sometimes..... Don't be in awe. It can get really, really, really old when you're looking for a relationship and all you get is an endless string of dates. Oy. I used to have the "if it happens it happens" attitude. And I woke up and realized if I didn't do something about it I was going to be single forever cos I work a lot and I won't date guys I work with. Happy fishing.
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