Author daphne Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 and I think you're being tough in a way that will not serve you. I get the intention to protect yourself, but it seems that a lot of women are writing guys off for small things that are much less important than they are making them out to be. And because the way these women are screening is so ineffective, these women still end up having to deal with much more serious issues later on. My point is that going 6 days between contacts once isn't that big a deal. Try waiting 6 days for a girl to call you back after you called her and see what you think about that theory. It's not so much protecting myself. It's my experience. However, I thought it over today and realized it wouldn't kill me to see what's up. He has been consistent up until now. If he consistently does this, I can scoot. But so far he's been sweet and caring in his actions and I have really liked all of the little gentlemanly things he does. A lot. So I'll text him tomorrow. Also, a gf of mine who's engaged to a guy she met on Match did the same thing to her at the same stage. She gave him some time off and things were ok when they started talking again and they're getting married. So who knows.
Author daphne Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 I discontinue women who appear, whether from actions or words or both, to be too 'busy' to remain in consistent and/or proactive contact, a style (proactive and consistent) which I exemplify with my actions and words. For my relationship and dating 'style', this indicates low interest. Yep. No reason to waste time on someone who isn't that interested. Like I've suggested. Give me a couple of more weeks to meet all of the other guys and ask me to be exclusive and I'm there. lol. Now that's commitment.
Author daphne Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 Especially since he got her a gift too. And he put his coat over my legs cos I was a dummy and wore a short skirt in the winter. And held me up to keep me from breaking my ass on the ice. He's sweet. But yeah, there's some merit to that other stuff you said too.
Author daphne Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 I believe there are some pitfalls to multi dating. Particularly if two people are on each others multi date roster. If the timing is off and you're both on the wrong schedule you' might both perceive each other as having low interest. Touchée............
Author daphne Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 There seems to be this set of unrealistic expectations with OLD that chemistry is the be-all end-all, and when you meet that one special person, you'll know after one date, and all others will disappear. I seem to be struggling with polar opposite ideas. This one, which is my normal way of looking at things, and the more laid back approach "it's a numbers game." The first being something of a fairy tale thing. The second sorta being something that makes me feel fairly unspecial.
Author daphne Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 Went out again with #2. He called and I didn't want to reject him cos I do like him and then I thought, why the hell not? He's funny, laid back and sweet. And we had a great time. As much as I am still kind of on the fence about him, I don't think my interest level is high enough to make a go of it. Which stinks cos he's a great guy and we get along.
Star Gazer Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 But there they are, a year later, still on Match, still looking. What's up with that? Why are you assuming she's had trouble for an entire year? Maybe she was on Match, and then left once she found herself in a relationship, and then returned when that relationship ended? I had one guy ask me why I'd been on Match for 2 years. I wasn't. I was on in September 2008, and returned in September 2010 for a short while. On the other hand, if you know a gal's been on Match continuously for an entire year, I'm assuming you know because you're there too. Glass house.
Imajerk17 Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 daphne, Nice!! Good for you for giving both Guy #1 and Guy #2 a shot. Then again, in a few weeks you might have the tough decision trying to decide which guy to choose, and maybe you'll have me to blame for that.
Author daphne Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 (edited) daphne, Nice!! Good for you for giving both Guy #1 and Guy #2 a shot. Then again, in a few weeks you might have the tough decision trying to decide which guy to choose, and maybe you'll have me to blame for that. Nah. #1 would win out hands down. Even though #2 and I have a lot in common, business wise and we're the same age and both financially secure, and he's laid back & great values. #1 and I have a lot of the same interests, he's funny, great values and the attraction is high. Attraction is probably going to trump in a case like this. However, now I'm considering someone I had ruled out because he kinda took too long and I guess I wanted to make more time for #1. Since #1 hasn't stepped up to bat I think I will go out with #3. He's persistent, if anything. Just realized that #3 has old photos. In one of them, he looks like #1's brother. I must have a type. Edited January 22, 2011 by daphne
Author daphne Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 Ah crap. I had to answer the guy my age who is HOOOOOTTT but has a residence on both coasts. What am I thinking? He's not my demographic. He works out a lot and is very aware that he's physically attractive and a little on the flakey artsy liberal side. My demographic is hard working, good values, waspy conservative side. I'm the girl.
Imajerk17 Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 Just realized that #3 has old photos. In one of them, he looks like #1's brother. I must have a type. Maybe they're related? There is something to be said for keeping it in the family...
Author daphne Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 Maybe they're related? There is something to be said for keeping it in the family... Lol. Nah. They have different last names. Although I guess that doesn't exclude them from being cousins..
Author daphne Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 #1 decided to take it personally that I took my time in figuring out if I wanted to contact him anymore & hasn't contacted me. It never ceases to amaze me the lack of self awareness that many men have. So if I understand correctly, I should be completely cool with a week long disappearance, early in the game. However, I wait a day and a half and ultimately contact him back and now HE'S taking it personally? Crazy how guys don't improve because they don't understand the impact of their actions on others, but ironically get really bent out of shape when they're on the receiving end. I'm kind of over it. I canceled my subscription and will ride it out with teh guys that I've been communicating with so far. I need a break. It would be nice to meet a guy with his act together who has a shade of self awareness but I think I may be barking up the wrong tree because that rarely ever happens.
Author daphne Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 3 of the guys I've been talking to have all asked me out this week. And I feel a little blase about it. Probably because I figure if it can't work out with what I thought was a sweetheart of a guy, then I can't really trust that any of these guys is going to be sincere. I had written off 2 of them because they kept yanking me around for weeks and I was more interested in #1. But now that he's out of the running, I almost want to go just for entertainment purposes. I think I had more fun not giving guys the benefit of the doubt, going silent and watching them email me repeatedly to try to figure out why they weren't getting a chance. That's better than giving them the benefit of the doubt and watching them squander it. It seems like the rule of online dating. This doesn't really happen to me in real life. Just can't help from feeling blah about it. But I guess I was feeling blah when I met #1 so here goes!
carhill Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 You know how it feels when you're a budding celebrity and someone recognizes you in the airport? Wow, cool After awhile, yeah, all the attention gets 'blah'.... As a business colleague once told me, it's good to remember to be mindful of how one treats people on the way up since one meets them again on the way down. Another told me, and I've lived long enough to experience it, that popularity is a fleeting thing. Enjoy it while it lasts. Hope the dating goes well
Author daphne Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 You know how it feels when you're a budding celebrity and someone recognizes you in the airport? Wow, cool After awhile, yeah, all the attention gets 'blah'.... As a business colleague once told me, it's good to remember to be mindful of how one treats people on the way up since one meets them again on the way down. Another told me, and I've lived long enough to experience it, that popularity is a fleeting thing. Enjoy it while it lasts. Hope the dating goes well Lol. I don't think I'm blah about the attention. I think I'm blah about dating and recognizing that there are a lot of people out there with agendas different than mine. That people aren't what they present. That disappoints me no end right now. As for the attention, bring it on. If only that's all I wanted I'd be in my happy place. I try to treat people well, regardless if they can help or hurt me. I find I have more self respect that way.
Author daphne Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 Went out last week with a guy and realized that he's not at all what I'm looking for. He was too serious, kind of morose to be honest. Nice enough, but not light hearted or easy going at all. He asked me out again, & ultimately I confessed that I didn't think there was a spark between us. He says he's ok with that & understands. Then wants another chance the next day. I'm a jackass and almost said yes because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. But I don't want to go out with him again. He's not a gentleman and he's not the happiest person ever. Since then, two more have cropped up that are good on paper guys. One's a Harvard grad, the other is ceo of his own company. Both successful, good looking guys. I gotta wonder why the Ceo sent me a link to an interview with him. That came across as a bit arrogant. Although, I'll admit that he does carry himself really well. I still have to tell #2 that I like him, but don't think it'll work. I don't know how to make that call. Or if I should spare his ego and just text. I'm a coward.
Nexus One Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I'm a coward. One would think that after all this multi-dating you've been doing you'd be a hardened pro. Personally I've never looked into internet dating. Never gave it a thought in my entire life before joining LS. And even then more in the sense of: "Oh so that's what women have been doing!". I guess for some it has even become a lifestyle, rather than a path to a goal. But hey, if it makes them happy.
Author daphne Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 One would think that after all this multi-dating you've been doing you'd be a hardened pro. Personally I've never looked into internet dating. Never gave it a thought in my entire life before joining LS. And even then more in the sense of: "Oh so that's what women have been doing!". I guess for some it has even become a lifestyle, rather than a path to a goal. But hey, if it makes them happy. Not a pro. I hope to never be one. This is all a means to an end, for me at least. I don't want to be doing this nonsense a year from now. I am, however, enjoying it for what it is now because I have never been one to really date. I met someone, and for better or for worse (well, mostly worse) ended up in a relationship with someone who turned out to be inappropriate for me. Due to lack of other options and feeling a compunction to end up in a relationship. I will say that it has served two goals so far. Hopefully a third soon (getting the right one.) 1) Learned not to take dating too seriously, there are other options. Have fun and get to know people. 2) Most importantly, what I really need in a guy. I think this last is really important. I probably would have settled down in a relationship with 2 of the guys I went out with (who weren't right for me) and overlooked glaring differences, just to be in a relationship. Not doing that now.
Author daphne Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 Ruled out #3, 4 and 5 for different reasons. That means 0 of 5 worked out. I have one left. #6 And then there are 4 new guys. 2 super hotties (which means inappropriate for me), and 2 super successful & attractive, and one guy who just seems cute and sweet. Multi dating is starting to make sense. Of the 5, 2 guys were simply unreliable and flakey for a month. I stopped responding. One guy came on super strong but flaked out, came back, flaked out. 2 just didn't work out. It's really just a numbers game. I will never sit by teh phone and get anxious or upset that it's not ringing again. Such a waste of energy.
oaks Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I have one left. Well if you can keep it that way for a little bit longer then that solves the problem of which one to see on Valentine's Day!
Author daphne Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 Well if you can keep it that way for a little bit longer then that solves the problem of which one to see on Valentine's Day! Well, seeing as I haven't met any of the new bunch, the chances are slim. lol So much for thinking #1 could run away with it.
oaks Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 It turns out that I'm down to just 1 as well, although there are a few 'new' potentials who contacted me. Luckily the one who is still interested in me (or, at least, the one who hasn't dropped out yet) is the one I like the most. I think next time I see her I'll ask about Valentine's Day, which will might give me a better idea of how interested she is.
Author daphne Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 It turns out that I'm down to just 1 as well, although there are a few 'new' potentials who contacted me. Luckily the one who is still interested in me (or, at least, the one who hasn't dropped out yet) is the one I like the most. I think next time I see her I'll ask about Valentine's Day, which will might give me a better idea of how interested she is. Yes, that is happy chance that she's your favorite. Sounds like you'll have a good Valentine's day. For me, it's not looking so good unless I'm interested in a V Day date with a pervert (sex profiles of some sort.) He keeps contacting me even though I haven't answered. Sigh. Hot pervert wants to court me like a gentleman, #1 (who I thought was a gentleman) has disappeared in smoke. The world is seriously off its axis.
BobSacamento Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 In terms of multi-dating tangle...what do you do on V Day? Are the guys who don't ask you on some romantic date basically cut...? Basically I'm going to ask the one I'm seriously into...the other I'll probably lie and say I have a work trip haha
Recommended Posts