MEN: Would you make up a story about wanting to move, just to play mind game?

[greenwood]

Hi guys,

 

 

Probably most of you don't remember, so let me start by clarifying that I have had a few weird issues with my long term boyfriend in the past months - just to demonstrate that he is capable of playing mind games.

 

First I caught him trying to get in contact with his ex girlfriend (successfully) through FB. I tought this was really pathetic for a guy in his mid-30s, but I was already blinded by his charming personality and other skills by that time. Later he told me his intentions were completely friendly, and based on my own experiences (I was also contacted / were contacting an ex occasionally - it could simply not be avoided) as well as on my gut, I finally decided to believe him.

On the other hand, he started to freak me out by his insane attempts to make me jealous. At every occasion he would let me know that he had a bunch of women going after him, and to show how admired he was, he kept bringing small presents from colleagues home (eg chocolates, candles etc), plus we also had women frequently calling at midnight and stuff like that. Eventually his attempts to make me jealous became simply ridiculous. At the beginning I would play along, and his eyes were shining so bright from excitement every time I would show a sign of jealousy. However, this was at the stage of our relationship when we were not that close to each other. I saw him as a very good and attractive person, however, with some insecurities, and I decided to stay with him and work on our issues, even without telling him, I decided it was worth it.

 

Fast forward to present. Please note: apart from the above, generally, he was caring, understanding and always treated me with love, admiration and respect. Just a few examples that come to mind right now. He would do his own laundry and cleaning etc even after we practically moved in together, he would cook every day. So we shared household duties and it was a huge surprise to me. More importantly he would listen to me and was there for me when i needed any kind of support. Basically, as weird as it is, he treated me like a queen, he spoilt me and sometimes even became a little bit possesive to make it clear that I am his and he will not let me go. I believe I have treated him the same way, with love and respect.

 

So, in the last 2-3 months things were getting very (as in exceptionally) good. I finally had the feeling that we were on the right track. He began to open up to me completely, to the point that we would discuss our lives together seriously. I was totally happy that finally it was working and we absolutely trust each other.

 

Sadly the story doesn't end here.

 

I have recently arrived from my assignment abroad and to my great surprise, after spending a few completely magical months together, being in love with each other and getting really crazy about each other, plus behaving like teenagers in love, my boyfriend, out of the blue, tells me he wants to move back to his hometown!

 

Why? Becasue he misses his family. He has a good job here, well, he wants to quit it. I ask him why, and he says well, there is nothing that keeps him here!

 

So my question is: based on the above story, is it possible that he is doing this only to provoke some sort of reaction from me? to play one of his mind games again? Or is it just that he wants to leave me and that's it??

 

Please share your opinion. I am really curious if a man is capable of doing this. Am I overnalayzing? Please tell me if you think I do. Also, please don't reflect on my stupid idea to date this man in the first place, I know i have picked the wrong person for sure now, and will most likely go NC with him in the next few days.

I just rally want to know what do you guys think. THANKS!

Edited January 13, 2011 by greenwood

[Saxis]

I think it's a possibility that he was not into you as much as you were into him. The way you describe him flaunting other interests and now wanting to move, he may have decided to act on them. Or does his Ex live in his hometown? It's also possible that he's saying that to gauge your reaction and interest in moving with him...

 

You really need to ask him these things, instead of speculating.

[ConflictedGuy27]

nobody can tell you with certainty if this is a mind game or not; we don't know the guy.

 

but whether it is or isn't a mind game, does it really matter?

he told you nothing's keeping him there. so there you have it, really.

 

whether it's a game or not doesn't seem relevant because, shouldn't the outcome be the same in both circumstances:

 

door 1: it is 100% a game designed to provoke a reaction in you. shouldn't that = him being less desirable as a long term option?;

 

door 2: it is 100% not a game; in which case he told you the truth - his family means more to him than everything around him, including you. like door 1, shouldn't this = him being less desirable as a long term option?

 

game playing or not, you're clearly not priority one.

don't you agree, OP?

[greenwood]

nobody can tell you with certainty if this is a mind game or not; we don't know the guy.

 

but whether it is or isn't a mind game, does it really matter?

he told you nothing's keeping him there. so there you have it, really.

 

whether it's a game or not doesn't seem relevant because, shouldn't the outcome be the same in both circumstances:

 

door 1: it is 100% a game designed to provoke a reaction in you. shouldn't that = him being less desirable as a long term option?;

 

door 2: it is 100% not a game; in which case he told you the truth - his family means more to him than everything around him, including you. like door 1, shouldn't this = him being less desirable as a long term option?

 

game playing or not, you're clearly not priority one.

don't you agree, OP?

 

I do agree. You are absolutely right. In fact, if he is playing a mind game, that makes him even less desirable (as opposed if he just wanted to move away). So yeah, I get the point. I guess I am just trying to figure out if he 1. really doesn't want to be with me, or 2. is sick in his head

[greenwood]

I think it's a possibility that he was not into you as much as you were into him. The way you describe him flaunting other interests and now wanting to move, he may have decided to act on them. Or does his Ex live in his hometown? It's also possible that he's saying that to gauge your reaction and interest in moving with him...

 

You really need to ask him these things, instead of speculating.

 

No, she doen't live there. I realize he might simply not have feelings for me.

 

It is just weird to think about why would a person invest time and energy, and then bang, decide to move away?

[Saxis]

It is just weird to think about why would a person invest time and energy, and then bang, decide to move away?

 

Convenience, fear of being alone, financial reasons... Maybe he has exited the honeymoon stage and decided you're not exactly what he wants, but now that he's so involved in your life, doesn't want to hurt you.

 

Take my advice with a grain of salt... I'm in the situation I'm describing, so it's easy for me to see it this way. I need to realize there is no easy let-down at this point. I find it very difficult to just come out and say "Hey, I'm not happy and I want out...". We all know it's not that easy.

[LifeIsGreat]

If he is an otherwise great guy with some insecurities, you may very well be able to make it work.

 

This is what I think you should say to him..... "I'm so sorry you feel there isn't anything keeping you in this town. I want you to be happy, and if being near your family does that for you, I think you should do it. I would be so sorry to see you go, and prefer that you stay here and make a future with me, but I understand you must do what you need to do".