Gironbachs Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 It's been exactly 6 months since I got harshly dumped. 4 months of strict no contact, and I gotta say I miss her more than ever today. It seems like all the progress I've made (haven't broken NC, deleted her facebook and all that) doesn't matter and I miss her and want her back , ya know? At this point, I'm frightened that I'll never get over it and be thinking about this girl til the day I die. I can't seem to remove her from that pedestal. I've been wanting to break NC lately, but have remained strong, knowing it would probably only hurt worse. I guess I just need some encouraging words.
Sonolumino Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 If you had a long relationship, 6 months isn't that long. I would go ahead and count that as 4 months though, because you had contact for 2 months after. Theres a giant part of you that during that 2 month interlude didn't care that you two were broken up, and still considered to associate her as your "girlfriend". Give it time. You will get over it. I'm literally in the exact same situation, as I was dumped 12 days after you. Trust me, the progress I've made in the last months has been astounding. You have to do the same. Change something about your routine, go out and meet other girls, just chat them up. Go to the gym if you haven't already. I took up boxing, it really helps to get out random frustrations. Keep your options open and she'll fall off that pedestal faster than you can imagine. Good luck my friend!
J0N Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I am at about the same point as you. I think it may be a case of you really starting to realize/accept that your ex is never coming back. Instead of just convincing yourself that they will come to their senses. I have been NC for just about 90 days, which isn’t too far off you but. I know what you are talking about because recently I have had REALLY strong urges to contact my ex. I mean like, picking up my phone dialing but before I hit send (deleted her #, but I know it by heart), I put it down realizing that it is a mistake. I do it almost every day. I miss my ex, I just want her back. I know it will never happen, I am sick of talking to a ghost in my mind. I feel like I am a hollow shell of who I used to be, I still haven’t fully adjusted to being single yet either. I am sure that she is off having the time of her life without me, and has probably been with another guy by now. But what is the use of thinking about it, the best part about NC is that you remove her and all of the news feeds from your life, you have no way of knowing what she is up to. At the very least you put up a wall and let her know that you are never coming back, what she had is now gone. She will have to live and deal with the consequences of her decisions weather she likes it or not. The only advice I can give you (and myself) is that we have to stick to our guns. NC is the only way. If you or I contact our ex’s we will only look pathetic in their eyes. They will show the messages to their friends and laugh at us. This will only further re-affirm in their minds that they made the right decision. If we move on, and their new situation doesn’t work out, and they come crawling back someday it will be too late and we will have moved on. I have made a promise to myself that I will not contact my ex, or receive contact for my ex unless one of two things happens. 1. She comes back in a genuine way, not sure how I would determine. (Less than 1% chance of happening) 2. Life or death emergency (because I would help ANYBODY in this circumstance, even if I hated them)
D78 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 One of the first things I was told on LS is that journaling helps (thanks January2010). I bought a new spiral notebook and started writing. A list of all the things you didn't like about your ex helps take them off the pedestal. I've written letters to him - happy ones, sad ones, analytical ones... those letters have helped me so much. The letters and lists go to the shredder, not the mailbox I've also just recorded my thoughts and feelings. It feels better to tell things to a spiral notebook. The notebook can't possibly hurt you (paper cuts aside), but your ex certainly can. If you pick up the phone, there's a 80ish% chance it will hurt. If you pick up the notebook, that chance is gone. You will still "get it off your chest" by putting it all in the notebook.
abust1 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Giron - I feel your pain, those thoughts of "I'll never find anyone better" combined with feelings of despair will not go away any time soon. What WILL happen is that the duration and intensity of these feelings will diminish over time, as long as you put yourself in position for this to happen with NC. The phrase should be "lowering her from the pedestal", not removing, because it doesn't happen overnight. Everything is ups and downs but keeping the trend in the right direction is the most important part. The missteps will slow you down, but those can be recovered from more quickly as time goes on. I am constantly battling between anger and compassion towards my ex. I want to hate her for so many things, but the more time goes on the more I understand everything that happened between us. It's like I'm getting to know her (at least the "her" of when we were together) better than was ever possible for me during our relationship because of my immaturity. And sadly that makes me realize the love that I missed out on, but I'm happy to have these newfound capabilities. Obviously I still feel a lot of pain missing my ex, every day, especially in the mornings. I've learned to accept the pain as part of my daily life, and even look forward to a good cry from it. I'll even do a bit of meditating when I can feel the emotions building up to "prime" their release. Those meditative crys have been some of the most intense moments of my life and there is a lot of force behind them besides this breakup, but.. I don't dwell on this negativity, I try to turn those intense feelings around to something positive. I try to visualize what I want to be in the future. It sure as hell isn't a moping, crying, pathetic person who is hung up on someone else. I visualize the person I will end up with, not so much what they look like or how they act, but how I will feel about myself and this other person when I find them. I'm a bit of a dreamer, but it makes me happy and I know I'm not the only one. Hope my rant helps, I know it helps me take care.
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