Big Why Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 OK here's the story. There's a music club/bar where I play a couple times a month and hang fairly regularly. There's a girl I met there last month. First time I saw her I was smitten. We've had a few good convos and a little flirting. I'd guess we've seen each other there 3 - 5 times. I heard from the bartenders that she has a boyfriend. Anyway the last time I saw her there just after new year's were were talking and someone came up to complement me on the music we were playing. I turned to shake his hand and she quickly kissed my cheek and ran off. Is this a major flirt move or a 'freindzone cheek kiss of death'? I found her profile on facebook on a shared friends page but don't want to seem like I'm stalking. Don't have her number, never got around to it since I though she was in a relationship and free time at my gigs is pretty short. Would it seem stalker-ish to friend her though we don't know each other that well? Yeah I know the worst that could happen is she says no.. but i would really like to not eff this up. I feel there's some kinda connection. By the way for reference I'm 40 and just getting back into dating and single life again. I'd say she's about 30.
refurb Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Don't do friend her on facebook. Yes, I'd say the kiss on the cheek was a good sign. Ask her out. RF
fishtaco Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Don't friend her on facebook. Because if other women flirt with you, and you start multi dating, last thing you need is facebook drama where one of your dates starts posting crap and all the other women you're seeing as well can see them. What I do is never initiate facebook contact to prevent the drama. But if she friends me on facebook, then I'll have to add her. If drama happens, I'll just deal with it. The silver lining is that's when you practice how to sweet talk women to get out of situations. Kiss on the cheek means game on. It's not necessarily a good sign. Especially since this chick has a boyfriend, that spells trouble. Women flirt for many different possible motives, only one of them is that they are genuinely interested in you, remember that. It doesn't mean you should discount it, it's certainly not a negative sign. By all means pursue it, but don't expect that means anything. It could be just play time. It could be she's just looking for you to give her attention because her boyfriend won't, and you'll never move beyond "the dude that gives her attention" role. Or, she wants to break up with her boyfriend, and you are the tool she uses to do it. As soon as they break up, you'll suddenly become her BFF and she'll be banging your drummer. Or, even if she does genuinely like you, she could change her mind, tonight. Having a boyfriend and flirting is a bad sign. But there's no such thing as bad experience. Because you learn from every experience, positive or negative. Especially if you're just getting back to the scene, at the very least you'll need to calibrate your senses and decision making. So go for it and see where it goes. But treat this as practice. Because given the circumstances, my guess is this is not going to turn out simple.
refurb Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Oh ****, I never saw that she has a boyfriend. Walk away. RF
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Facebook is a means of contact with her, whether you two friend each other or not. I hate how people's knee jerk reaction to Facebook is FB automatically equals certain drama with women -- it doesnt. personally, I'd send her a message on FB (without friending her). reach out to her. it won't seem stalkerish at all. it will certainly demonstrate that she's successfully captured your attention, however. but personally, I wouldn't have a problem with that either. and regarding the "boyfriend"... hell, unless one of the bartenders that told you this is the actual boyfriend, they could be wrong; or perhaps jealous themselves. even if they're right, I'd still reach out to her and explore that connection. best of luck.
Author Big Why Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) So on Saturday night I ended up at the same club. I went there with a platonic girl friend, we're kinda exes from a short relationship a couple years ago and buddies now. We play in the band together. Anyhow this same girl was there. My friend was trying to be a good wing so the three of us ended up hanging out after the club closed down the street at a hookah place. Had a fun time, then we all ended up at my house hanging until 8 in the morning..LOL a long night. Was a fun time but she did talk about her boyfriend and such so I just took it as meeting a new friend which is always cool. What man would like to hang out all night with a couple hotties. So I friend requested her on Facebook today and she accepted. Then she sent me a poke.. Facebook pokes are kinda hard to understand. Some think it's a flirt move. Seeing as she's flirted a couple times before now I wonder if she may be into more even though she's "in a relationship." since she initiated. LOL sometimes the internet confuses things.. Waddaya think, was the poke a flirt or just a hiya? maybe she just like the attention? Edited January 18, 2011 by Big Why
carhill Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Interesting that she's 'in a relationship' but hanging out all night till 8am was fine, without contact with her SO. Forget Facebook and ask her out on a date. That one-on-one separates the attention whores from the real women. You want a real woman. Good luck
Author Big Why Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 LOL, she took the poke off. Yeesh.. facebook.
Author Big Why Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 Wait, it showed back up again.. man I am way over thinking this.
Author Big Why Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 Interesting that she's 'in a relationship' but hanging out all night till 8am was fine, without contact with her SO. Forget Facebook and ask her out on a date. That one-on-one separates the attention whores from the real women. You want a real woman. Good luck They're not living together. By the way she talked about him I'm pretty sure she's happy with the relationship. So I'll just chalk this up to meeting a new friend. Plenty of fish in the sea.
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