stillaching Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Here's my story. Wife and I struggled to conceive a child. After about 6 years she finally became pregnant. We were overjoyed. Rock on! Well as time went she became less and less interested in sex. I wrote it off as being a mother and working full time. She worked in a hospital as a surgical technician at a teaching hospital. She mainly assisted in Neuro surgeries. As time went on it became most of what we fought about. I would beg her to initiate sex SOMETIMES or to perform a specific act during it to which she flat out refused. Then we would argue about money, her not paying the bills on time, etc. Finally I took over the bills and money and I could tell she didn't like it but I am a firm believer in paying my bills on time and before any personal pleasure. I tried all I could do, including changing jobs to get us out of debt and the harder I tried, the more debt we took on. She decided to go back to school for nursing. In Jan of '07 she was accepted into the program. So on top of working, she now was a full time student. I took up the slack in the house, granted not as well as she did but I tried along with making sure our child was taken care of. I will tell you upfront I was not the model husband but I did try. I used to play an online game and I was addicted to it but I never was told I was neglecting her. In my mind, I was at home, I took care of our child, cooked, somewhat cleaned, and wasn't out chasing women, what more could someone want? How naive was I! In May '07, I picked up her phone one night and she went ballistic. She desparately tried to get it out of my hands. I told her then she just as well give it up because the way she acted, I was going to look now. Up until that moment, I had never looked at her phone, ever. Basically I found this text message from this neurosurgeon resident wishing her Happy Birthday, two weeks after her birthday. I wished I had dug more, like actually looked at his contact name but I didn't know what to look for so I just looked at the messages. I confronted her, and asked her if she was having an affair. She denied it but I wasn't convinced. I told her I was going to get the phone records and every day she would taunt me and ask how the search was going? She knew her name was the phone and they wouldn't talk to me. I always had this feeling about this guy. Never did like him and my wife knew this. This guy was also the boyfriend of a girl she was going to school with and she and the girl had become pretty good friends once they found out my wife worked with her boyfriend. Apparently she told the girl and had the girl call me and reassure me they weren't having an affair. OK! Well another year passes and things were no better sexually between us. Actually worse. I told her during this time I refused to initiate sex anymore. That didn't bother her though. I specifically remember her birthday in '08. She loved ice cream cakes. I went bought one and the guy at the counter asked what I wanted written on it. I told him nothing and he said, you sure, we can write ANYTHING. I just smiled and told him to write "How about a piece of A$$ now?" Of course, he did. It was funny but I was serious too. She laughed about it too. Oh I forgot to mention too that she had stopped buying me anything for my birthdays, not even so much as a card but I always bought her things, even when we were tight with money, I found a way to make her day special. In July 08 I was relieved because the guy was moving away to go do an internship at another hospital in another state. In the meantime, the wife and I had gotten really active in our home church. Everything seemed to be getting better and going great. The guy was suppost to come back to the hospital as staff but that was year away. During which time something happened and the hospital's chairman decided not to hire him so his plans were to move to another state and go into private practice. My wife and his girlfriend had decided once they finished nursing school, that my wife would be his nurse in that state. Oh and they girl and the Dr were planning on getting married in '09 on Halloween in another state up north and they had asked my wife to be in the wedding. I was appalled my wife would even consider it considering she would miss our son Trick or Treating. I told her that but nothing was ever mentioned. July '09 he returns home to start collecting his things together to move to Texas. They invite us over to dinner and my wife kept asking me about it. Finally towards the end of the week, I tell her I have no desire to go to their house for dinner. Nothing else said. She goes the following week to try on her bridesmaid dress and again, I tell her I can't believe she would go out of state on Halloween to be in their wedding and miss her son trick or treating. Nothing else is said about the wedding. As time gets closer I ask her about it and she claims she knows nothing about the wedding. Halloween comes and the girl says they decided just to elope. She was still living here and he was in Texas which seemed awefully odd to me but to each his own. That rocks on with that arrangement. Her and my wife lose touch with each other but my wife followers her on Facebook. January '10. We were getting ready for church one morning and her phone goes off. She was in the front of the house so I pick it up. It was an email. I couldn't imagine why she was getting an email much less a GMAIL email. I had no idea she had a Gmail account. I opened it and it was from him. It said I was just thinking about ya and wanted you to know. My heart sank. I laid the phone down and met her in the hallway. I told her she got an email from him and she had this look of horror on her face and said no way. We leave for church and she tells me they are just friends and that he talks to her about his girlfriend/wife. I told her that was STOPPING TODAY. So we get to church and she disappears. I am teaching Sunday School and when I get out I go to my truck and check my history and I see she's logged in to her work email on my phone. I go into church and sit down beside her and asked her what did she do. She replied nothing. I told her I looked at the history. (she left her phone at home so she used mine.) She then tells me she emailed him to tell him they can't talk anymore. When we leave church I make her log into her work email and low and behold that's not what the email said. The email said, "he saw email, if he calls you or emails you, we are just friends, remember that is what I said. sorry!" SHOCK! She lied. Anyways, he replied saying if he can't email someone he's know for f'ing years to say hello because of insecure spouses or significant others jumping to erreoneous conclusions then he is done. I called him from her phone and confronted him and I believe his girlfriend/wife happened to be there at the time and of course he denied it and called me crazy. Well she confessed said it was just that one time before he left in '08 that they had sex but they had flirted for years. Yada yada yada. Well I had limited phone records but I basically found when he returned in July 09 she went to see him while his girlfriend was at work and my wife was suppost to be going to work. She got up and left super early that morning without waking me. She admitted they didn't have sex per se but she performed oral on him, something which I begged for, and she allowed him to do other things which she wouldn't allow me but that morning it was all about him. This took place on a MOnday morning and the following Friday we were to go to his house to have supper. Nice huh? She swears that was all in the three years. I don't buy it one bit. I was able to get phone records this time. Not the actual text messages but I was able to see how many times they were texting each other. Gotta love Verizon for that! It was unreal the amount of contact. She would text him right in front of me and everytime I'd ask whom she was texting she would reply her best girlfriend. I was so stupid! Rock on a year from that discovery. It still sucks. I want to love her but at the same time I want to be far away from her. She's cut off all contact with him, changed her phone number, etc but it still kills me. She has been more affectionate to me and it does appear she is trying. She still works at the hospital and he's in another state. Apparently him and the girl did get married and she just moved out there with him in October. Oh yeah, the girl was pregnant and gave birth in July of last year. While she was pregnant, he was texting my wife asking for pictures, etc, and of course she sent them. She even knew he got married. She admitted to me that she knew he didn't love her but she did love him. I don't understand how she could throw herself at him and be at his beckon call knowing he didn't care for her. That's the way it would work. He'd text her and tell her to stop by and of course she would drop everything and go. She still maintains it was only those two times in over three years but I highly doubt that. I worked out of town alot when he was still living her and she'd send our son to her mother's house so her mother could take him to school because "she had to be at work so early". I just wanted to get this out there. Sorry for it being so long. Just wondering if it ever gets better? Sometimes I feel good but most of the time I'm depressed knowing my wife could do such a thing. I KNOW I'm not perfect! I know this. I've done things I'm not proud of but I realized what I had, or what I thought I had and I committed myself to our relationship. I don't see how she could be so active in church and do the things she did with another man for over three YEARS, whom she KNOWS didn't care about her, and not feel guilty????!!!!!!????? AT A LOSS!
Author stillaching Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 Unfortunately, yes. In May '08 I had a brief affair looking for "love". After a year of nothing from her, a woman came onto me and it started from there. Come to find out, she was only looking for someone to take care of her and her child so I ended it. Guilty as charged. I know no one forced me to do that and the correct thing I should have done was end the marriage because I was unhappy and nothing could get my wife to try to work on us.
Billy_Boy Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 In that case, you're both guilty... my father once told me that you would be surprised with what you can live with. And he meant that specifically about cheating etc, he used to cheat on my mother and she probably did on him as well... he said that on the cusp of me waxing heroic and crooning about my moral superiority, his words loom over me like a tombstone at times, especially at this point in my life as I want to get more stabilized with a single woman... hmm I dunno about your situation, I know that my folks are still together have been my whole life and there as plenty of infidelity and bad blood there in the beginning.
Author stillaching Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 I know I'm guilty and it puzzles me why I'm having trouble with what she did. I guess because she did it knowing he didn't care for her. I'm assuming she thought she could change his mind and they'd run off and live happily ever after. I'm miffed that she could sit in church and be very active all the while texting another guy. I'm miffed that she could do it for over three years and not feel guilty enough about it to stop when she wasn't getting anything out of it. When I had mine, it liked to have killed me. Literally, I had to go see a heart doctor because I thought I was dying. Come to find out it wasn't nothing but stress. The stress of knowing I was cheating.
whammy Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 women love sex...they love c*ck. They want to touch it, suck it, ride it, get pounded by it...everything. All. Of. Them, All. The. Time. Period. even your grandma. If your wife does not want to have sex or doesnt want to devour every inch of you while having sex...then its you!....she just doesnt want you! im not saying that to insult you...im saying this so all guys wake up. All women have a sexual energy and if its not directed at you then it doesnt take a genius to know that its directed somewhere else. even the mom pushing 3 kids in a cart at the supermarket that looks like she is so busy that she wants to pull her hair out...even she wants to ride c*ck in her minivan OP said himself that she gave the guy oral and did other things with him that she didnt do with her husband. And she said they didnt have sex. So let me get this straight...she gave him pleasure and didnt get anything in return? does that sound like a woman that isnt interested in sex? no...that is a woman that loves c*ck (like ALL straight women) she just didnt like her husbands. and some more bullet points - she taunted you about affair (phone records) - she would have happily missed a big moment in her childs life just to see him with another woman - she was with a cheater - she lied constantly dude, why are you even with her?...i would have left years ago. but youve been rationalizing for a long time...so why stop now?
Bryanp Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I am sorry what you are going through. You are deluding yourself if you think you know the whole story. You can guarantee that she is not told you the whole truth because she has become so good at lying to you. She clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. The email she sent to her lover after being caught says it all. What is the point of being in a marriage with someone like this? I would suggest that you get tested for STD's and have a paternity test. I would question her timeline of the affair. I would also contact this OM's girlfriend and or wife and make sure she has the whole story as well.
Windsurf66 Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 Your wife is a typical whore and she does not love you, period. She is staying married to you because she could not get the OM to marry her and probably other reasons as well, e.g. financials, security Dun be depressed, its not your fault that she prefers to suck other co*cks while denying you the pleasure. This is the normal behaviour of whores and it is unfortunate that you married one. You still have a long way to go and life does not end because u married a whore. There is still hope, you still have your daughter, and be assured that someone out there will love you. What you should do now is, start preparing for a divorce, start meeting people, and most importantly, start being happy. While you can still get sexual services from the whore, pls try to use protection, as you will not know which other co*cks she is still sucking in her workplace Lastly, good luck and be happy. Trust me, let go and you will be happy
Distant78 Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 So basically your wife is a serial cheater. Been cheating on you for years. I agree that you don't know the whole story, yet some betrayed spouses never do find out what really happened. I honestly think you guys should just divorce. Both of you cheated and she has disrespected you for a long time, even talking sh*t about you when you tried to find out details of how much of a hoe she is(which really should be a clue in itself that she cheated).
Binster Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 If this other guy ask's she'll still come runing, it's only the distance puting a stop to things. I dont know what to advise about your mariage, because it sounds pretty bad news on that score. Definately inform this guys wife.
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