Disillusioned Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 2. It's setting up a "global" set of dating norms. (example: men should pay for dates; women should wait for exlcusivity before having sex) I strongly disagree. With the exception of myself, all of us want dating to remain counterintuitive. Internet dating has tried to set up a global set of dating norms, but IME as long as it's not counterintuitive we'll push back against it, regardless of how sophisticated the technology gets. I mean, face it, I'm the only human being on God's green Earth who sees any sense in sitting across the table from a prospective date, asking her questions about her traits and her desires while I check off little boxes on a notepad. 4. It's a cause of disatisfaction rather than satisfaction in dating. I think this is because we live in the era of Next-ism, launchables, red flags, dealbreakers, etc (in other words, we shop for partners). It's called a "warehouse mentality", and it makes sense, which means as daters, we don't like it. We'd rather have the "any old cow" mentality, and end up with someone we won't like and the only winners will be the divorce lawyers. I'm not sure I would say Dating inc is purposefully creating a permanent single class. As in, I have a hard time imagining a CEO sat down and said: okay, how can we make sure our members remain single but continue to purchase our products? (Dating planned obsolescence?) I do think dating inc saw a potential market and the unintended consequences of tapping that market is its very reproduction. You don't understand the CEO mentality. Making sure their clients stay single is not that much different from selling them cars that will rust or cigarettes which will make them very sick. After all, what are we going to do, unsell the product if we don't like it??? Big deal if you or I got the shaft from Dating Inc. There are a zillion other suckers who will still want to drive, smoke, or use online dating. That, plus the fact that Dating Inc. goes out of its way to keep its shortcomings from going public, ensures that it isn't going the way of the dodo bird any time soon.
Woggle Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I think it just airs out these issues and brings them out in the open. I witnessed the gender war in my own home before the internet and if you looked at daytime talk tv in the 80s and 90s you could see the gender war playing out in your living room. This is nothing new but the anonymity of the internet gives people the freedom to see what they really feel and would not say in person.
lois_80 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Very interesting post, never thought of this before.
Negative Nancy Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 This is nothing new but the anonymity of the internet gives people the freedom to see what they really feel and would not say in person. exactly...case in point, the woman-hating venom you`ve been spewing here for years.
Disillusioned Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 exactly...case in point, the woman-hating venom you`ve been spewing here for years. I stand behind Woggle. I can't speak for him, but the woman-hating venom I've been spewing comes from experience.
Emilia Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 The internet and the emergence of social media has had a tremendous impact on how we go about relating to each other romantically nowadays. Dating sites are competing for big bucks, dating experts have emerged and a plethora of books have been published about mars, venus, into-i-ness, rules, etc. Webforums such as Loveshack, Sosuave, etc have emerged alongside the commercial dating enterprises. What impact do you feel this commercialization of love has had on how we humans relate to each other? Here is some of my observations, in no perticular order: 1. It has radicalized the gender war. 2. It's setting up a "global" set of dating norms. (example: men should pay for dates; women should wait for exlcusivity before having sex) 3. It discursively erases the diversity of sexual orientations (all of the books, for example, assume that the readers are heterosexual). 4. It's a cause of disatisfaction rather than satisfaction in dating. I think this is because we live in the era of Next-ism, launchables, red flags, dealbreakers, etc (in other words, we shop for partners). 5. It directly increases anxiety through the trackign of texts, web-pages, calls, etc (back in the early 90s, for example, I didn't have an answering machine or caller display so I could never really know for sure whether or not a guy had tried to get a hold of me. This meant, in effect, that I didn't spend much time worrying about the amount of time between contact and spent more time organizing real-life run-ins). I also feel many people misattribute the frustrations that come alongside Dating Inc. For example, people blame "the lack of quality candidates at my age"; feminism; mysoginy; the collapse of society; etc etc. In reality, I believe much of the bitterness, anxiety and discomtempt is the effect of Dating Inc as a contemporary phenomenom. to paraphrase McLuhan, the medium is the culprit. What about you: what do you think the impact of the commercialization of dating on how we relate to each other? I think that unless you are 50 years old, you don't know because you didn't experience the world as an adult without the internet. so many people go on about the 70s and 80s even though they were kids during those decades. how ridiculous
january2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I think that unless you are 50 years old, you don't know because you didn't experience the world as an adult without the internet. so many people go on about the 70s and 80s even though they were kids during those decades. how ridiculous I can't answer for Kamille, but I'm in my 30s and first experienced the internet in the mid-90s during my Bachelor's degree. Before that, internet access wasn't widespread in homes or schools and you had to be studying or working at a university or major global company if you wanted access to the internet. I'm based in the UK. Back then, we didn't have Twitter, Facebook, Bebo, Myspace, Tumblr, Youtube etc. What we had didn't look as pretty as Facebook et al but the basic functionality of connecting people was still there. To be fair, I don't think that people's experiences of the internet in the 70s and 80s should be dismissed just because they hadn't reached 18 or 21 (whatever your criteria is for being "an adult"). After all, I'd bet that many a computer whizz today used to be a pioneering teen growing their multi-billion dollar empire in their back bedroom. And we have them to 'thank' for making the internet what it is today.
carhill Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Yeah, I got my first glimpse of the 'internet' future back in 1977 when studying engineering in college, even if it was only 'connectivity' with other universities via our mainframe. I remember when the engineering school got a then new 'standalone' computer, a Wang VS, which I learned FORTRAN on. Those were the days. For me, it was all about technology and creating stuff. TBH, there was no dating contemplated or even remotely on my mind.
sumdude Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I think that unless you are 50 years old, you don't know because you didn't experience the world as an adult without the internet. so many people go on about the 70s and 80s even though they were kids during those decades. how ridiculous The internet didn't really start to take off with the general public until the early to mid 90's. Being 42 I remember no cable TV, few people even had answering machines or even cordless phones. If the phone rang (really rang, they had bells in them) you walked up to it and there was a cord attached to it. People wrote letters and post cards. The proliferation and growth of technology has been really fast. It wasn't that long ago. That said e-mail, cell phones, dating sites et al have really made it easier for people to have affairs that's for sure.
Author Kamille Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 I think that unless you are 50 years old, you don't know because you didn't experience the world as an adult without the internet. so many people go on about the 70s and 80s even though they were kids during those decades. how ridiculous I don't know your age, but beneath your comment about who can legitimately speak about dating pre and post internet, is what you're saying that you doubt the emergence and democratization of new media has had an impact on how we meet, date and love? Because that's the question. I'm not conducting scientific research here, I'm discussing a topic and allowing others to share their point of view. Like January11, I'm also in my mid-thirties so started dating in the 90s. Very few people were as forward-thinking as Carhill in joining internet-dating sites. Nowadays, it seems everyone who is single has tried on-line dating. Not to mention, the amount of publications in self-help books regarding relationships has boomed in recent years. I'm not making that up. We now have more tools and experts at our disposal to help us with our romantic lives. The question is: is it really helping? What's the effect of the creation of this expertise on our lives. As I take it from your question, you estimate the emergence of Dating inc has had no effects on how we meet people, date and establish potential relationships. Fair enough.
Surrealist Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Regardless of whether OP's points have any basis in real-world truth or not, and anyone agreeing with them, I think it is one of the more intelligent, thought provoking threads I've seen on the dating forum, and merits consideration. Dating dynamics, indeed broader social interactions, has certainly changed over the years and technology has contributed a lot to this. I read an article some time ago that suggested that we are more wired than ever yet more lonely, and this written in the context of social interactions across personal life and business. Some people are on-call 24/7 with Blackberry's and so on.
Woggle Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 exactly...case in point, the woman-hating venom you`ve been spewing here for years. It's no worse than the manhating venom you spew.
sb129 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I am in my mid 30s, and when I first started being interested in guys I was at high school in the early 90s- I didn't have email or a mobile phone until I was at university in the mid 90s, and even then I didn't really use either for dating until after I graduated in 2000. So I can say truthfully that I did experience dating without alot of the technology that there is now. It doesn't mean I didn't obsess about whether the guy was interested or not all the time, but there were less things to obsess about. There were phone calls, and it was my parents line to boot. Back then we didn't find out if people had broken up with eachother via the internet, and we didn't find out if they had started dating via the internet either. That said, I met my H via internet dating, so its a modern marriage! Dating can be stressful enough without all that stuff, but I think it definitely adds a new dimension to things when you can be contacted 24-7, and you can track other peoples lives via the internet. I think its both good and bad. Just reading many of the threads on here confirms that to me- there is one current thread about FB relationship status. Another poster comes to mind who is about the same age as me seems to agonise over the tiniest things regarding texts/FB etc, and then posts on here to analyse every little step of her dating progress. There also seems to be a new date with a different guy every few days. In her case, I suspect much of this is counter productive, as many of her threads can get derailed and nasty, which can't be very good for her morale, esp when people on here are telling her to ditch X guy because of Y dealbreaker/red flag blah blah blah. I also agree re: northern skys statement that sometimes people are faced with so much choice they can't commit for fear of missed opportunity. I must admit I felt a bit of that when I first started internet dating- its hard not to.
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