Contact this morning, no longer have questions but still feel empty

[brneyedgrl]

We still live together (see my first post, sry it's kinda long but the b/u was complicated) for the next three weeks so contact is inevitable though I initiated it this morning.

 

Even though I know what type of guy he is and his situation complicates things I still had unanswered questions. I asked again why he felt he couldn't work out is issues with me by his side and why we couldn't work on this together. His response:

 

"It's not fair to either of us right now. I need to work on myself and I can't give myself my undivided attention because I'm always worrying and thinking about you. I love you but you don't derserve the way I've been acting either. I'm having a hard time right now and I don't want to drag you into it. I just want to be completely alone and work this out. There's nothing you could've done, I need to better myself. There's nobody else no matter what you think, I can't even love myself right now which means I can't fathom giving anyone any affection or attention. WHo knows what the future will bring as only time can tell, but if things were to continue like this neither of us would've been happy and it would've just been miserable until I get better."

 

Ugh. I know I should feel relief that he's at least being honest and his selfishness might be my saving grace in the long run but damn. 6 years and I have to let go.

[suddendumpee]

"It's not fair to either of us right now. I need to work on myself and I can't give myself my undivided attention because I'm always worrying and thinking about you. I love you but you don't derserve the way I've been acting either. I'm having a hard time right now and I don't want to drag you into it. I just want to be completely alone and work this out. There's nothing you could've done, I need to better myself. There's nobody else no matter what you think, I can't even love myself right now which means I can't fathom giving anyone any affection or attention. WHo knows what the future will bring as only time can tell, but if things were to continue like this neither of us would've been happy and it would've just been miserable until I get better."

 

Tread lightly and prepare for the worst. I have NEVER heard these words to be true. This almost always means there is someone else. No matter how sincere he sounds, and no matter how much you want to believe him, DO NOT. You are setting yourself up for disaster. NOBODY want to be alone when they are going through hard times, and they certainly would not seperate themselves from somebody they supposedly love. He is also keeping you dangling with the cliche "who knows where the future will lead" thing which means he's still testing the waters with the new girl and wants to keep you as option 2. Don't be surprised if you are heartbroken all over again in 2-4 weeks when you seem him with another girl. PREPARE and cut him off completely! You have been warned.

[GoingInsane]

Sorry but I have to agree with suddendumpee here. I had almost the same talk from my OH (she had too much going on, couldn't cope with the relationship as well, something had to give, wishes she could've just got away from everything etc etc). Turns out she had an affair which has now been rekindled (did it ever stop).

 

Try to move on.

[500daysofsummer]

join the NC club. there's plenty of us here!!

[january2011]

Agree with the others. Best to err on the side of caution and assume that there is someone else.

 

Holding onto the hope that you will get back together "if it's meant to be" will prolong the pain for you. In the meantime, he will be 'busy' pursuing his other options.

[Kansas]

What you're ex told you was almost verbatum to what listened to from my ex. Don't buy his BS and for your own sake - walk away. My ex was being selfish and pushing me away so as to 'save me from hurt in some way' and I was stupid (and hopelessly in love) and selflessly listened and supported and waited and cried and hung on to any glimmer of hope and desperately tried to salvage the relationship. When I tried NC he would desperately pursue me and each time I would cave thinking this time would be different. You know what? He figured out who he was. He figured out how to love himself. He figured out what he had to give. When he did, he wasted no time telling me to get lost and started dating other people. But before he did, he thanked me for "listening to him, and for helping him grown into the person that he has become and will forever thank me for all of the good in his life because it's all because of my support" blah, blah, blah BS. Maybe he'll send me a thank you card down the road. And maybe his g-friend can sign it too for making it easy for her.

 

For your own sake - walk away. If he's committed to fixing his crap, let him do it on his own. If he loves you, he'll be back healthy. In the meantime, I'm with the rest who posted earlier. He wants to play.