ALonerAgain Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 So this is the year that I've promised myself to not have any more (bad) drama in my life. 2010 was an awful year, not only because my LTR of 4-years ended, but because I lost my dad as well. With regards to the ex, I deleted him and most of his mates off my FB within 3 months of breaking-up and limited my profile on his others. At the start of this year, I had the courage to delete a further 2, after stupidly breaking my NC rule and FB stalking through 1 mutual friend and accidently finding out that he is now with someone who was part of his social circle before we broke up. I now suspect that he was "emotionally cheating" on me with her before he left. What sucks is that he is still friends with some of my friends that I had prior to our relationship - friends that were old work colleagues or friends of friends. Fine by me. But what's now happened is that one of these said friends has messaged a group of us to do a charity fun-run together - and has included my ex in it as well. Worse still, he's replied saying he's interested in doing it. I would love to do it, but no-way am I ready to face him, despite the fact that, by then, it would have been over a year since we broke up. I have actually now gotten a group of my own girlfriends (not in contact with ex) to form our own fun-run group. I have yet to reply to the orginal friend who's organising. But what do I say? I don't even know if she's aware of what's happened as I haven't spoken to her properly since ex + I broke up. I figured I could handle seeing him there if I'm with my own group, so we're not stuck together and forced to make small talk. Then again, there's always the possibility that his new girlfriend will also be there and I don't think I could handle that, esp. because she knows who I am. Am I over-reacting? How would you handle this??
mfs976 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 You're not over reacting. I'm in a similar situation where my ex still talks to friends that I had before the relationship as well. Luckily I don't hang out with them that much because they're slightly older than me and have a kid. In addition we work different schedules so it's hard to find time to hang out with them. It's good though because it only further prevents me from having to opportunity to ask them what my ex is up too. Even thought I don't want to know, I really do. The friends I'm speaking of are a couple and are getting married in July- me and my ex are paired up in the wedding and even though we broke up in November I'm not sure how I'll handle seeing her because I feel the second I do I'll have a relapse of all the emotions that I've been feeling for the past two months, despite the fact that its six months from now. If she brings a date it will probably be even worse- but who knows maybe I'll have somebody better than her by then and won't even care at all (hopefully). I too deleted and blocked a lot of mutual friends on facebook (even people I'm good friends with like above) because after my useless and pathetic attempts to get her back I have decided to push forward and move on without her. I don't want to know anything. I don't want to wake up one day only to be hit in the face with photos of her on someone else's wall out having a blast or with other guys because it will just piss me off...I even told HER to block me so I couldn't unblock her because I caught myself checking multiple times a day to see if she changed her profile picture. I also told her to block my calls/text because its the only way I could trust myself to move on. When I get time I have to delete all the photos on my HDD as well so I stop looking at them. I'll burn them to DVD's or something for when I am totally over her and feel like I am able to look at them without feeling anything..
Author ALonerAgain Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 You're not over reacting. I'm in a similar situation where my ex still talks to friends that I had before the relationship as well. Luckily I don't hang out with them that much because they're slightly older than me and have a kid. In addition we work different schedules so it's hard to find time to hang out with them. It's good though because it only further prevents me from having to opportunity to ask them what my ex is up too. Even thought I don't want to know, I really do. The friends I'm speaking of are a couple and are getting married in July- me and my ex are paired up in the wedding and even though we broke up in November I'm not sure how I'll handle seeing her because I feel the second I do I'll have a relapse of all the emotions that I've been feeling for the past two months, despite the fact that its six months from now. If she brings a date it will probably be even worse- but who knows maybe I'll have somebody better than her by then and won't even care at all (hopefully). I too deleted and blocked a lot of mutual friends on facebook (even people I'm good friends with like above) because after my useless and pathetic attempts to get her back I have decided to push forward and move on without her. I don't want to know anything. I don't want to wake up one day only to be hit in the face with photos of her on someone else's wall out having a blast or with other guys because it will just piss me off...I even told HER to block me so I couldn't unblock her because I caught myself checking multiple times a day to see if she changed her profile picture. I also told her to block my calls/text because its the only way I could trust myself to move on. When I get time I have to delete all the photos on my HDD as well so I stop looking at them. I'll burn them to DVD's or something for when I am totally over her and feel like I am able to look at them without feeling anything.. Thanks, mfs976. Sometimes I really do feel like I'm giving him all the power, esp. because I think I let him off lightly in light of the recent evidence I've found out. A wedding with the ex? Oh, how awkward that must be! Are you guests or will you be performing a more active role in the ceremony? If you are sitting together, can you ask the couple to sit you on different tables, given the circumstances? Yes, the temptation is so great. After a previous LTR in which knowing hurt me way more than not (and this was in the days before FB), I should have known better. I guess I was looking for evidence that it wasn't just me, despite the fact he never took responsibility for his actions or feelings and was quite comfortable in letting me "stew" in my guilt (yes, I was wasn't perfect in the relationship. At least I had the guts to admit it). Anyway, how do I reply to my friend who's organising the fun-run? Do I tell her that I'm still not comfortable being around ex or just tell her "thanks, but I'm actually in another group??" I really don't want her to get caught in the middle though.
D78 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 ...Anyway, how do I reply to my friend who's organising the fun-run? Do I tell her that I'm still not comfortable being around ex or just tell her "thanks, but I'm actually in another group??" I really don't want her to get caught in the middle though. Can't you just skip the fun run, for your mental health? You said you were not ready to face him, especially if he is with his new girlfriend. If you have to reply to the emailer, I would just say "Thanks for the invite. I'm not available that day, but maybe next year!" or "I'm going to run with another group." I would avoid telling her you're not comfortable around him. Good luck.
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