lovingagain Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Ok this is for OW out there. It has been two years plus and he just told me he loves me for the first time. I knew he did, but it makes all the difference him saying it and knowing that it is true. I am not expecting anything else but when you love someone with all your heart, when you have gone through so much pain, then they tell you they love you...... I know it makes things harder but it makes it worth it. that is all i want from him.
greengoddess Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 It shouldn't be. You should want more. If h truly loves you he will do anything to change his circumstances to be with you. How can you accept the one that says he loves you staying married to another. Make him live up to that love. Tell him if he loves you then there is no question it is time to leave his marriage.
blizzard Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Loving again, it doesn't just make things harder...it scars. It scars for life when he leaves. And he will. I'm so sorry you will have to go down this path ((hugs)) I have already been there. You will question so many of his reasons for leaving because of those three words. I always will.
Quiet Storm Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 It's just one more dangling carrot to keep you where he wants you to be.
whichwayisup Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 As long as you accept that you two have no future, that you are just in an affair with him, being the OW, then great, he loves you. Love isn't just a feeling that warms your heart, it's an on going action. What are your expectations and hopes from him now that you have been told by him that he loves you? Hoping he'll divorce his wife, leave his family and be with you? Start a new life and have children with you? In the jist of things, does it really matter if he loves you even though the chances of him leaving are slim to none?
donnamaybe Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 It's just one more dangling carrot to keep you where he wants you to be.This is exactly what I thought when I read the first post in this thread.
half_ofa_heart Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Ok this is for OW out there. It has been two years plus and he just told me he loves me for the first time. I knew he did, but it makes all the difference him saying it and knowing that it is true. I am not expecting anything else but when you love someone with all your heart, when you have gone through so much pain, then they tell you they love you...... I know it makes things harder but it makes it worth it. that is all i want from him. Let me tell you what my experience with the L word and my A... My MM tells me he loves me ALL the time... when I'm trying to end the A!!!! When things were business as usual, he never said it and if I told him I loved him, he wouldn't say anything. If there is anything I can't agree more with on LS is "Actions speak louder than words"!!! The words are nice but if I FELT loved, then the words would be a nice accessory to existing feeling.
jthorne Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 How much did it cost him to say that? Nothing. Not a darn thing. How much of your self respect will it cost you to hear it?
jj33 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 It is wonderful to know that the person you love loves you back and to hear them say those words. But be honest with yourself is that really all you want? I suspect you are attaching more importance to it. Now that he has finally said it, taking into consideration that he took so much time to say it, some part of you probably believes that it means that he will act on his love. It may, but chances are it does not mean anything other than that he loves you. Be careful
KickinCowgirl Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 It has been two years plus and he just told me he loves me for the first time. You have mega patience!
BenThereDunThat Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 It is wonderful to know that the person you love loves you back and to hear them say those words. But be honest with yourself is that really all you want? I suspect you are attaching more importance to it. Now that he has finally said it, taking into consideration that he took so much time to say it, some part of you probably believes that it means that he will act on his love. It may, but chances are it does not mean anything other than that he loves you. Be careful Or that he feels love FOR you. When it's an affair and at least one half is lying to someone else, i.e., the LAST person they said 'I love you' to, it is not really love. It is lust, infatuation dressed up to look and feel like love - a word men learned very early on has a prodfound effect on the women in their lives. He can say whatever he wants. It's what he's doing that you should be paying attention to. What he's doing and how it relates to your life. Does he make your life better, easier?
ladydesigner Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 How much did it cost him to say that? Nothing. Not a darn thing. How much of your self respect will it cost you to hear it? This is the jist of it for sure. In the end when they leave it will cost ALL of your self-respect Please guard your heart! I love LS and all who have posted on this thread. Every word is so true. Read and read again!
Heather1 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I, for one, am jealous!! That would have meant the world to me!! I'm glad he finally told you. He had no reason to after all this time if he wasn't sincere. I'm going off to feel sorry for myself now.... I get ya, I think it's great!
Confused4Now Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 How much did it cost him to say that? Nothing. Not a darn thing. How much of your self respect will it cost you to hear it? AMEN to this....I can't even count how many I love YOU's and I Miss YOU's probably in the millions and they didn't mean nothing.
Author lovingagain Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 Well I am happy that he said he loves me. It was not a carrot because there was no reason at all for him to say it, but he said it and it was hard for him to admit.:love: and thanks Heather, you are exactly right, he would not have told me after all this time if it was not true. I know it is anyhow because it is not just words it is feelings. We are talking about what to do about it now but it is complicated. And also, just because he does not say it, does not mean that he does not love you. I know that.
violaaa Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 He might be saying love you all the time, but you guess how would your OM respond during D day or at times they are under pressure from families? Words are superficial unless they are seen from action to work out things:bunny:
exotic_angel Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 It's just one more dangling carrot to keep you where he wants you to be. i agree!! the OW/OM relationship is always one based on hope.. i know cause i'm trying to get out of one.. u r living on a feeling, a feel good high, a game of tug-a-war. i know it's painful, i know its passionate, it's crazy and it's about ego but i love u is not enough.
Author lovingagain Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 Sheesh, you are not allowed to be happy here are you? You can not have a moment of ecstacy. Even people not in affairs are not that happy all the time. I am wishing I did not tell you. I am glad I am not married to the same person for 30 years and wishing I was the one who dies first. )joke)))
exotic_angel Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Sheesh, you are not allowed to be happy here are you? You can not have a moment of ecstacy. Even people not in affairs are not that happy all the time. I am wishing I did not tell you. I am glad I am not married to the same person for 30 years and wishing I was the one who dies first. )joke))) ahaha well my MM is married to a woman who is 18 years older than him.. ahaha hopefully she'll die first.. i completely understand ur feeling hun.. i'm crazy about my dear friend.. i lost my virginity to him, we've known each other before he got married and let me tell u .. i am crazy over that man!!!! good luck to u. maybe there's a happy place for us..
phillyfan Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Ok this is for OW out there. It has been two years plus and he just told me he loves me for the first time. I knew he did, but it makes all the difference him saying it and knowing that it is true. I am not expecting anything else but when you love someone with all your heart, when you have gone through so much pain, then they tell you they love you...... I know it makes things harder but it makes it worth it. that is all i want from him. Dude u need to raise the bar, the dude makes u wait 2 yrs before droppin the L-bomb - first off thats not rite, 2 years? - and second there just words girl, its the action that counts, and i bet rite afta he tells u that in the day, he goes off that nite back to his wife. Serious, thats a playa rite there.
BB07 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 ahaha well my MM is married to a woman who is 18 years older than him.. ahaha hopefully she'll die first.. i completely understand ur feeling hun.. i'm crazy about my dear friend.. i lost my virginity to him, we've known each other before he got married and let me tell u .. i am crazy over that man!!!! good luck to u. maybe there's a happy place for us.. Just when you think you've read everything, something jumps out at you and you say to yourself........WTF??? I read a little bit of your back story EA and you are one more frigged up relationship. This man just got married a couple of months ago, right? And......he married his sugar momma right? And.........this man has had at least 80 previous lovers, right? EA.......you really need to look seriously at yourself and the choices you are making. You are much too young to have yourself into such a screwed up relationship.
AngeletteX Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Ok this is for OW out there. It has been two years plus and he just told me he loves me for the first time. I knew he did, but it makes all the difference him saying it and knowing that it is true. I am not expecting anything else but when you love someone with all your heart, when you have gone through so much pain, then they tell you they love you...... I know it makes things harder but it makes it worth it. that is all i want from him. LovingAgain – feeling it and knowing it (loving someone/being loved) is wonderful! And even though that’s what is important (the feeling & knowing) hearing it (I love you) somehow makes a difference, doesn’t it? Some people will only say I love you when they truly mean it. Personally, someone who gushes I love you's 2 months after meeting me is less believable then someone who has gotten to know me over 2 years. Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, loving someone deeply give you courage. ~Lao Tzu Good luck - and be happy!
2sure Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Do you really think he NEVER tells his wife he loves her? And whats it getting her? I'm glad that after two years you are feeling validated but this also makes me sad for you.
ladydesigner Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Do you really think he NEVER tells his wife he loves her? And whats it getting her? I'm glad that after two years you are feeling validated but this also makes me sad for you. Great post 2sure! I love that it was said in two sentences so beautifully. I couldn't top this one. Totally agree.
jthorne Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 (edited) Some people will only say I love you when they truly mean it. I'm sure he meant it the first time he told his wife that too. So he said he loves you, OP? Big deal. And look at you all beside yourself because he said it. How sad. He threw you a scrap and you're lapping it up, gushing on an anonymous internet forum. How many of your friends and family could you gush to about this big breakthrough? What is it about you that makes the scraps acceptable? I don't feel happy for you. I feel sad that you accept so little that you think this is such a milestone. Edited January 14, 2011 by jthorne
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